


Looks Like You're Stuck With Me

by New_Blue_Stuff



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Adopted Sibling Relationship, Adoption, Age Difference, Age changes, Alternate Universe - Student/Teacher, Car Accidents, Christmas, Drunken Shenanigans, Eventual Happy Ending, F/F, F/M, First Meetings, Fluff and Angst, Fourth Wall, Halloween, Homophobia, Hospitals, Humor, Jealousy, M/M, Makeover, Music, Never Have I Ever, No Underage Sex, Orphans, Past Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Past Character Death, Past Child Abuse, Past Suicide, Past Violence, Phil And Chris Are Brothers, Platonic Relationships, Pop Culture, Sarcasm, Scars, Secret Relationship, Sharing Clothes, Smut, Snark, Song Lyrics, Swearing, Temporarily Comatose, YouTube
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-03
Updated: 2015-05-03
Packaged: 2018-03-28 20:18:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 76,560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3868420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/New_Blue_Stuff/pseuds/New_Blue_Stuff
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Chris Kendall doesn't think he's strong. He feels like he's faking it, just to make the people he loves happy, to protect them. The scars he has will never heal, he thinks he never will either. </p><p>A substitute teacher turns his world upside down. Pj and Chris try to hide the feelings they have for each other but fail to be kept apart.</p><p>The world tries to tear them apart. They won't let it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Chris rolls his eyes as he walks into the classroom, swinging the door as he does so. He can already hear the inevitable lecture.

‘I would say I’m sorry I’m late Mr Harris but in the name of honesty, I’m not really that sorry.’ Chris says loudly as he shuts the door behind him. Chris doesn’t turn to face the desk in the room.  Mr Harris, his elderly English teacher, is normally sat there. Chris thinks that he was probably droning on about something irrelevant, or struggling to use the outdated computer base, before he was so  _rudely interrupted_  by Chris’s  _typical arrival_. On this  _fine Monday morning_  in this _brilliant month of September_.

‘Lucky I’m not Mr Harris then. I take it you’re Christopher Kendall.’  Chris turns around at the unusual voice. His eyes widen at the man standing in front of the whiteboard. He quickly looks up and down the mans body. He couldn’t be that much older than Chris, even if Chris frequently gets mistaken for a fourteen year old.

The man has oddly striking green eyes and a lean figure. His blazer is slightly too large for him, almost hanging on his frame.  His shirt is not tucked in yet he's still smartly dressed. He has a series of small sketches drawn with pen onto the side of his hand. He wears a simple black tie which matches his shoes.

The man’s clothing accentuates his good looks. It also accentuates his body; Chris sees for himself as he turns to finish writing a sentence on the board. He is wearing extremely tight trousers.

Chris internally thanks any entity he can think of.

'It’s Chris and I have to say that I’m a little more sorry I’m late now.’ The man laughs.

'Take a seat Chris. I’m Mr Liguori. I’m covering Mr Harris for the next month.’

Italian then? Chris remembers reading a news article on tumblr about Italians. He thinks it was on how they are the best endowed nation on average.  He smirks.

Chris turns and weaves his way to his seat. Phil is sitting in his regular spot, chewing on the end of a pencil. Chris puts his bag on the ground and scans the room. The majority of the class is female.  Some girls are watching Mr Liguori with their legs crossed. Some girls are paying attention to the lesson. Others are looking at the boys in the room. Then some other girls are looking at the other girls in the room.

Chris marvels at the brilliant system everyone seems to have created. He slumps back into his chair.

He puts his head on the desk and shuts his eyes. He listens to Mr Liguori’s voice. It is rising up and down with passion as he talks about a book that Chris honestly meant to read.  _Honestly_. Almost too soon, He hears Mr Liguori announce a five minute break from the lesson. Seconds after, he is shaken by a hand on each of his shoulders. He raises his head up groggily.

'What?’ He finds Phil and Louise either side of him. 'A man needs his sleep guys.’

'That’s what night time's for Chris.’ Emma quickly supplies. Chris rises to the opportunity. He slowly turns his head to Emma, he widens his eyes and turns his head to the ceiling.

'It all makes sense now.’

'For gods sake Emma, now you’ve got him started.’ Phil says while laughing.

'I thought you guys wanted me to wake up.’ Chris lowers his head to the table. 'You’re all so hot and cold.’

'And now he’s turning into Katy Perry.’ Zoe says. Phil still chuckling. Chris smiles to himself, face still on the desk and then quickly sits up, shouting as he does so.

'IF I WANT TO ROAR I WILL ROAR DAMMIT!’ Chris slams his fist onto the table for added impact. He shakes the pain from his hand. Louise taps Zoe on the shoulder. Still laughing she leans over to Zoe and kisses her on the cheek.

'CHRIS I KISSED A GIRL!’ Louise shouts. Chris is laughing along with everyone else.

'Even I haven’t done that in a while Louise.’ He allows himself a quick look at Mr Liguori. He is talking to a couple of pupils on a nearby table. He swears he sees him smiling at him for a second. 'Though that is by choice’ Chris turns his attention back to his friends.

'Would that be by any chance because, wait for it, Ur So Gay?’ Emma says with a mischievous glint in her eyes. She clicks both fingers and points them at Chris.

'I'm bi but par.’ Chris responds.

'I know but I couldn't think of any.' Emma adds. Chris goes blank with potential song references.

'Oh I highly doubt that Chris is the only one that also likes a bit of  _Peacock_.’  Mr Liguori says, smirking as he retrieves a book from the shelves to Emma’s side. The group of friends are stunned. They stare at their teacher for a second, who is laughing to himself as he returns to his desk. Louise breaks the shock by starting to cry with laughter, going a bright shade of red. Causing the rest of the group to do the same.

'Chris, how did you not fucking think of that?’ Emma chokes out between laughs.

'I guess it was…The One That Got Away.' Chris does an attempt at jazz hands as the group try to recover. Chris thinks for a second ’…Or maybe he’s Extra Terrestrial.’

'Oh My God, Chris stop that.’ Phil wheezes out trying to wipe away tears.

'Okay Phil, My work here is done.’ The group return to their seats with grins on their faces. They are quiet whilst Mr Liguori continues his lesson. Chris spends about five minutes innocently looking at the curves his substitute teacher has. Okay maybe not so innocently.

'Hey Phil.’ Emma whispers, signalling with her hand for him to come closer. Phil does this. 

‘What?’

'Looks like Chris is having a Teenage Dream about Mr Liguori.’ Chris hears this and whacks Phil around the back of the head for laughing.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Chris can see the reasoning behind why he got kicked out of religious education, though it does mean that he’ll have another isolation on his record. Most people get one or two in their entire school life, Chris is famous for sometimes getting one or two a week. It comes from his desire to not be walked over, and to not watch anyone get walked over, that plus a lack of motivation. It will take four hours out of his 'precious education’. Still, nobody shouts at Phil while he’s around.

'Hey Violet.’ The young woman behind the desk looks up and smiles. 'How’s the kids?’ She arrived when he was fourteen, she’s seen Chris a lot since. 

'Bobby actually has a cold right now. Darren doesn’t want to leave his side. Next door’s girl, Becca, doesn’t want to either. I take it you got isolated again?’ She’s already beginning to search for potential isolation rooms for Chris. They installed a new system a couple of years ago. It means that the pupils are truly isolated. Each of them is put into a separate room with a staff member to supervise them. She finds three teachers without classes for Chris’s time. She decides to put him in the English department, sending the substitute a message to come and get Chris.

'Phil forgot his book. I stood up for him, he doesn’t deserve to get screamed at for something that easy to do, in a lesson we’re forced to take.’ Violet nods at this.It’s normal for Chris. He isn’t a cruel boy, he just lacks tact. She knows how much he loves his adoptive brother. 'Send Bobby my love. Hope he gets better. Send love to Darren and Becca too.’ Chris smiles at the memory of the few times he’s met the children. Even the neighboring girl who never strays far from the boys. 'Do they even remember me?’ Chris asks.

'Of course they do. I tell them stories about you all the time. Brilliant role model you are and all.’ Violet smiles at Chris, with most people Chris would assume this as sarcasm. Violet is sincere and he knows it. He smiles back.

'So Violet, let’s pass the time. If you could travel anywhere in the world, nay, the universe, where would you go?’ Chris asks moving to point a finger at her for a mild second. He then removes the hand and places it back on the table. He sits on her desk. Violet puts a hand under her chin and hums.

'Hogwarts’

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Pj is halfway through marking an eleven year old’s short story. It is surprisingly well written even if one of the characters does seem to be based on him; That’s not even the first time that’s happened.

He receives a message over the school system. There is a pupil that needs his supervision, well, the stock e-mail says child. The oldest 'children’ he teaches here are not even five years younger than him; He prefers pupil. They have been isolated for disruptive behavior in lesson. They will need his supervision for the rest of today and tomorrow morning. He sighs, grabs his blazer off the back of his chair and makes his way to the isolation office.

He walks down the stairs and pushes the door. He sees the receptionist laughing, seemingly to herself. She turns and notices Pj.

'Your supervisor is here you know.’ She says to the empty room. Pj is about to ask what’s going on when a large cupboard talks.

'I AM NOT COMING OUT! HOW COULD YOU!’ Pj can hear the fake drama in the voice, and feels both excitement and dread at it’s owner. It’s Chris Kendall’s. 

'Chris. I was joking.’ She looks at Pj for a second and sighs.  'I don’t actually think you’re a Hufflepuff.’ She says sheepishly, blushing slightly. Chris opens the door slightly.

'And…?’ She goes a deeper shade of pink when she sees that Pj is resisting the urge to laugh.

'And I think you’d make an excellent Dr Who.’ Chris throws open the cupboard door and falls out.

'And you say I’m an excellent role model Violet.’ Chris says mischievously. Seemingly having not spotted Pj.

'Chris. If my kids grew up to have half your fight,confidence and humor.  I would be extremely proud.’ She thinks to herself. 'Well I would be proud anyway but-’

'Yeah, I get you Violet.’ Chris stands up and turns to see who his supervisor for the rest of the day would be. His heart skips a beat. He’s only been in three of Mr Liguori’s lessons so far.  It's only Thursday, he’s only known of him for four days. He does know an attractive person when he sees one and does Chris see one. He manages to retain his sarky exterior. 'Don’t you teach? Like lessons. No time for the juvenile delinquents?’ He asks the green eyed older man.

'No lessons for the rest of the day.’ He lowers one eyebrow whilst looking temporarily up to the left. 'Or tomorrow morning.’ His eyes return to look at Chris  'Looks like you’re stuck with me.’

Chris is with Mr Liguori for the four hours that will cover his isolation, somehow that doesn’t feel like a punishment.

Well maybe Mr Liguori would punish him… He stops his thought trail in it’s tracks.

'Let’s go then’ Chris begins to walk out, leaving Mr Liguori behind him.

'Chris! You have R.E work here to do!’ Violet shouts as Chris exits the room.

'I’m not doing that! Love you Violet!’ Pj hears a door slam. Violet sighs and faces Pj.

'You should go after him. Don’t bother taking the work. He’ll find something else to do.’ Pj nods and turns to leave the room. Violet quickly shouts out. 'By the way, I just see him a lot. That might have looked a bit…’ She carefully considers her words. '-off’. Pj smiles and nods. He hears Chris running up the stairs. The smile comes off his face for a second. If only she knew how off his thoughts are. He walks up the stairs to his classroom.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

He finds Chris sitting in his chair with his feet on the desk. He is reading through the same story he’d been marking. Pj walks with long strides and stands behind Chris. Chris looks up, tilting his head back, and speaks.

'She’s written a character based on you.’

'I know’

’ _He has beautiful green eyes like grass. He is well built, not too muscly or too thin. He is really really attractive_ ’ Chris quotes. He removes his legs from the desk and stands. The two are a similar height. They are face to face. Inches between their bodies. Staring into his eyes. 'Personally, I think I could write something better.’ Chris winks. 

'Such as?’ The question flies out of Pj’s mouth. His words don’t even register. 

Chris raises an eyebrow at him. 

'I would put in how sexy you are, sir…’ He takes a moment to look up and down his teachers body. Surprised that his teacher doesn’t stop him. He decides to continue.   'I would write about your legs…’. He raises one hand. He leaves it only centimeters away from contact with his teachers lower back. 'Your arse…’ Chris moves up his other hand. He places two finger tips onto his his teacher. He moves them slowly down his body. Over the gentle curve of his ass, to the tops of his legs, where he stills them again.  His teacher does not protest. 'I would write about everything I could do to you.’ Pj deeply exhales. Chris smirks. He pulls away his hand. He moves to sit at a nearby desk. Pj stays still. And then, clears his throat.

'My name is Pj’ He turns to face Chris. 'I figure if we’re spending all this time together, you should know that. Though I shouldn’t tell you. You know that?’ Chris nods and smiles. Pj sits down. He resumes marking the story. He doesn’t notice Chris watching him.

'Pj?’ He looks up. Chris does know where the kid was coming from with the grass simile. But they aren’t just grass, they’re nature. Summertime. All of it.

That was oddly romantic.

'Yes Chris?’

'She kills you off.’ Chris reaches down to get out one of his text books.

Pj laughs.

'Damn.’

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

'It’s twenty past Chris. Time for you to go home.’ Pj smiles as he addresses Chris. He can’t help but feel a little disappointed. The two have been talking for the majority of the two hours; About Pj’s university days, the old English teacher, Chris’s funniest isolation’s.  Both of them crying with laughter at some point or another. Pj finds Chris’s laugh adorable,  he gets a small amount of pink in his cheeks. 

'Really? Oh well then. Phil will be waiting’. Chris smiles and begins to gather his possessions. Pj is watching him bend slightly over a table when his thoughts fly out.

'Is Phil your boyfriend?’ PJ realizes how it sounds. His eyes widen. Chris laughs.

'Phil definitely isn’t my boyfriend. I’m single. Why? You jealous?’ Chris smirks at him. He comes and sits on the nearest desk.

'What? No!’ Pj is starting to go red. He curses himself internally.  _Smooth Peej._

'I completely believe you Pj’ Rolling his eyes with a smile. 'Surprised that no one told you about Phil though. You obviously didn’t read my file.’ Pj’s eyebrows crease.

'What about Phil?’ Pj asks. Chris laughs.

'He’s my brother.’ PJ feels intense waves of relief and then intrusive waves of guilt.

'But you don’t have the same last names…’ Pj sees Chris’s smile fall for a second. 'Oh. I’m sorry. Did I-’

'Don’t be sorry. It’s not your fault. You just reminded me of something. I think we should make a deal.’ Pj has a questioning look on his face, eyebrows shooting up. 'You don’t read my file. I don’t tell people your name. Got it?’ Pj no longer feels confused.

'Okay. Deal’ Chris grabs his bag and walks to the door. He turns at the last second. Catching Pj watching him.

'Promise?’ Chris has one hand on the door handle and one on his bag strap. He sounds almost wistful

'Promise.’  Pj nearly whispers back. Chris smiles.

'See you tomorrow Peej.’ Using the name Chris knows Pj’s friends and family call him, because Pj told him so.He walks out of the door. Leaving Pj with a smile on his face and a pleasant ache in his chest.

 _Oh Crap. Tomorrow_. Pj hits his head on the desk and groans but finds himself smiling despite himself.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

'Any particular reason for the massive smile on your face Chris?’ Phil is standing outside the doors of the English department.

'Shut up.’ Chris replies smiling. Pushing a hand against Phil’s face as he makes kissy noises.

'It’s not me that’s got a crush on the substitute teacher.’ Chris rolls his eyes at Phil’s response, pushing him into the nearby wall. Phil giggling away. Chris smiling even more at his magical excuse for a brother.

They walk home.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

'Chris?’ Chris adjusts his tie in the mirror. He puts one on every morning but took it off on the way to school. He uses the reflection to look at Phil. Phil has a look of shock on his face and stands at the other end of the hallway, own navy blue tie in hand.

'Yes Phil.’ He turns back to the mirror to quickly finish the knot.  Chris’s mother taught him how to tie a tie, in fact it was one of the last things she taught him. He tries to shove away the thought. He sees Phil walking up behind him. Phil still struggles with ties even after nearly a year of trying to wear them.

'Why are you up so early?’ Chris is about to walk through the door into the kitchen. He realizes that Phil is attempting to put his tie on backwards. He reaches his hand out and gently taps Phil’s away. He speedily does up the tie and loosely sets it around Phil’s neck.

'There. Much better.’ Phil is looking at him with a quizzical look. 'You were doing it wrong. For the record, I’ve always been a morning person.’  Phil snorts.

'Yes Chris, if mornings were in the afternoon.’

'Who says they aren’t?’ Chris responds with a wink.

The two boys then walk into the kitchen. They work around each other. There’s an ease to it that only comes from knowing the other extremely well. They talk to each other while eating cereal. During a period of silence, Phil speaks.

'You know you really don’t have to stick up for me all the time Chris. I won’t break.’

Chris stops eating for a second and looks at his spoon.

'Yeah I do and I don’t do it because I think you’re breakable Phil. Far from it.’

 _I do it because sometimes I think I am._  Chris thinks.

'I do it 'cus I love my little brother, stupid.’ Chris says instead. Phil laughs.

'Chris. I’m older than you.’ Chris continues eating his cereal.

'Prove it.’

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

The bell rings. Louise and Zoe hug him goodbye and go with Phil to their first lesson. Leaving Chris to go spend another large amount of time with Mr Liguori… No Pj. He puts his headphones on and heads to English.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

He hears Chris enter the room. Pj has his head on his desk. Chris is loudly singing along to a pop song that he faintly remembers. The noise is pounding prettily in his head. He stops singing when he enters the room.

'Good morning sir.’ Chris nods at Pj. Pj doesn’t lift his head.

'Is there such a thing?’ Pj groans. Chris laughs and makes his way over to his teachers desk.

'Aw. Is someone tired?’ Chris mocks. He sits on the edge of the desk and runs a hair through his teachers hair, giving him a faint flashback to the dream he had last night. Pj raises his head up slightly, looking up at Chris.

'Don’t you have work to do?’ Pj moans. Chris laughs.

'Don’t you?’ Chris responds.

Pj is quiet for a moment.

'Five more minutes.’ Pj says, putting his head back on the desk with a loud slam. Chris laughs.

'Of course sleepy head.’ He steps off the side of the desk. He allows himself another stroke of Pj’s hair. Running his fingers from the front to the back. Hoping it passed as mockery, he sits at his desk and gets out his drama script.

Pj slowly starts to awaken, with a large moan he finally sits up. Chris chuckles to himself.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

There’s a knock on the door, Pj shouts for them to come in. Occurring to him seconds later that it could be a teacher, Pj grimaces, making Chris laugh.

The door opens.

'Mr Liguori sir. Could I have the work books for 7B English please?’ A young boy at the door stutters out, avoiding eye contact. Pj hasn’t taught that class yet. He is about to stand up and find the books for the young boy at the door, when Chris moves.

'I’ll get them for you. What’s your name?’ Chris smiles at the boy and the boy smiles back.

'I’m Charlie.’ he says in a quiet voice. Chris walks to the shelves on the far side of the room. He reaches down.

'And here they are. There’s a lot.’ He turns to Charlie. 'How’s about you take one half and I take the other?’ The boy nods and walks over. Chris gives him around ten of the thin books, leaving double the load for himself.  Charlie presses the books against his chest, pushing up the collar of his shirt. The boy being younger, still has to wear uniform. Chris reaches over and tucks the collar back over with a reassuring smile. He then picks up his books. Charlie pulls the door open for Chris, Chris thanks him and the two leave the room.

This leaves Pj in a confused state of adoration. The school rebel, the one he was warned about on his first day. Who is renowned for not doing anything he doesn’t want to do. Ever. And gets into heaps of trouble for it. The one he has been trying to hide feelings for, urges. The one who would do anything to protect his brother. Is kind to children as well? Chris has never been anything but kind to him too. It doesn’t help that Chris is a nice person.

It probably makes things worse.

Pj puts his face in his hand for a second. He is so screwed.

 …………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Chris walks back into the room without the books and the companion he left with. He walks to his seat and sits.

'You know you didn’t ask permission to leave.’ Pj looks at Chris with a raised eyebrow. Chris looks back at Pj.

'Are you really going to report me for helping an eleven year old boy?’ Chris responds. He picks up, sitting straighter, getting ready to pounce. His voice is sharp, almost ready to cut a throat if he needs to

'No. Why on earth would I do that?’ Pj says calmly. He sees Chris begin to relax.

'You wouldn’t believe some of the shit I’ve been called up on before’. Chris replies, looking out of the window. Pj begins to type on his keyboard.

'I’m having issues believing that super bad boy Chris Kendall has a soft spot for kids.’ Pj smirks. Chris looks at him, going pinker.

'What’s wrong with that?’ Chris says defensively. Pj stops typing and turns to him. He places his hands in his lap.

'Nothing is wrong with that. It just surprised me.-’

'The kid looked scared alright and he didn’t have to be scared. None of them are scared of me. They find me funny, so I jumped in. I recognized him and he’s a good kid. So I helped him-’ Chris begins to ramble defensively.

'And there’s nothing wrong with it Chris. I just said it surprised me. I’m a teacher. I so understand not wanting them to be scared’. Pj speaks in an authoritative tone, one Chris hasn’t seen him use before. Chris isn’t going to deny that it works for Pj. Chris nods and continues with his work. Pj spins back around to his computer after a couple of seconds. The two work in comfortable silence.

'Have you and Phil got any younger siblings?’ Pj asks. Chris shakes his head.

'No, I mean. It’s impossible. I think they would have liked more. I mean that explains how I came along a bit.’ Pj looks confused. Chris speaks again. 'It’s complicated’

'I get that. Why don’t you explain it to me? We’ve still got…’ Pj quickly looks at the time on his desktop. 'Actually about ten minutes.’

'I don’t like to talk about it.’ Chris looks down at his work. Pj kicks himself for prying.

'I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked.’ Chris rolls his eyes and looks back at PJ.

'Again. Don’t be sorry. Not your fault.’ Pj nods and is about to turn back around to his work. 'You know what we should talk about?’ Chris says, mischief sneaking in whilst he smirks. PJ tilts his head to the side with a questioning look on his face. 'You totally just called me a bad boy.’ Pj rolls his eyes.

'Chris…’

'I now only respond to 'Bad Boy’ and there’s nothing you can do about it.’

'Oh believe me, there’s something I could do about it.’ Chris is silent for a second. Pj’s eyes widen as he realizes what he just said.

'What could you do about it Peej?…’ Chris stands up and slowly walks the short distance to his teachers desk. Pj swallows.

'I could give you what all bad boys want.’ Pj says , lust beginning to cloud his judgement. He knows deep down inside of himself that he should not be doing this. That this, whatever it is, is wrong. Chris sits on the edge of the table, skinny jeans tightly hugging his figure. Chris bites his lip, all Pj wants to do is bite it for him. Pj knows how wrong this is. He also knows how right it feels. He’s met couples with larger age differences than him and Chris. If it wasn’t for his job, he would have jumped him when he first met him.  His thoughts are interrupted by Chris speaking.

'And what do all bad boys want?’ Pj looks up into Chris’s dilated hazel eyes. He loses all his resolve.

'Why Chris.’ He stands up. Leaving barely inches between their faces. He stands between Chris’s legs. 'To be punished.’

It’s Chris that grabs the back of Pj’s neck, pulling their lips together. The two begin to kiss passionately. Both feeling conflicting emotions, neither of them caring. Pj tongues Chris’s bottom lip, asking for entrance. Chris allows it and the two become further enveloped in each other. Their entire bodies are touching. Chris’s hand goes up from Pj’s neck and into his hair. Chris gently pulls on it, causing Pj to moan. Pj has his hands at either side of Chris’s body, he slowly moves one down his back. He caresses Chris’s ass. Both of them feel intense pleasure at the proceedings. It’s the bell sounding the end of morning lessons that seems to wake Pj up from his trance. He quickly breaks off the kiss and takes a step back from Chris. Both of their lips are red and raw.

Pj’s eyes widen as he realizes what just happened. He begins to swear rapidly. Chris stays completely still and watches Pj. Pj stops swearing and turns to Chris. He refuses to make eye contact.

'I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. That was all my fault.’ He runs a hand through his hair. 'I’ll resign if you want me too. You can tell people what just happened. I’ll accept what I get. It was my fault. I-’

'Don’t resign Pj’ Pj looks up and at Chris, finally making eye contact. 'That wasn’t all your fault. We both played a part.’ Chris sighs 'I won’t tell anybody. If you want, we can pretend it never happened.’ Pj still looks distraught. Chris takes a step towards him and grabs his hand before he can take it away. Chris squeezes it. Pj closes his eyes.

'You don’t think I’m a cradle robbing creep that deserves to be locked up?’ Chris almost laughs, he doesn’t when he realizes how much this is bothering Pj.

'Hey. Hey! Look at me.’ Pj opens his eyes and looks into Chris’s. 'You don’t go around making out with pupils at every school you go to, do you?’ Pj shakes his head quickly.

'You’re the first and only one I’ve ever felt attracted to.’

'See, look you don’t have to-’

'That doesn’t make what just happened any less wrong Chris.’ Pj closes his eyes again, as if trying to block out the memory.

'For fucks sake Pj. Look. At. Me.’ Pj opens his eyes once more. 'I enjoyed that. I’m certainly guessing you did too. You’re only five years older than me. I’ve met couples with larger age gaps.’ Pj opens his mouth as to argue with him. Chris points a finger at him 'Do not interrupt me.’ Pj closes his mouth again. 'So here’s what we’re going to do. We’re going to pretend it didn’t happen. You’re going to forgive yourself. We won’t do anything like it again if it upsets you this much. Okay?’ Chris sounds authoritative yet comforting. Pj nods.

'Okay.’ Chris nods. He drops Pj’s hand, which Pj hadn’t realized he was still holding. Chris then grabs his packed bag off the desk and walks straight out of the room. Pj watches him go, slowly moves to sit in his chair, and thinks.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Chris stays behind when Phil goes out. He claims that he wants to spend some quality time with their mum. In reality, he just doesn’t want to deal with his friends right now. It’s nearly ten pm. Chris fakes a yawn.

'I’m going to bed.’ Chris stands and puts on a childish voice. 'Gotta catch the sleep train.’ Chris starts to walk out of the room. Mrs Lester speaks.

'It’s not that late Chris. Are you feeling okay?’ Chris changes direction and walks over to his mum. She looks concerned, with eyebrows pulled together. She places a hand on Chris’s forehead which he bats away.

'I feel fine, I’m just tired.’ He kisses her on the cheek. They say goodnight. Chris walks to the bathroom where he readies himself for a nights rest. Chris retires to his room.

He locks the door like he’s done every night since he was a child. It was for safety then. Now he does it to create a false sense of safety. Old habits die hard.

He exhales deeply and climbs into his bed.

He can’t stop thinking about it. That kiss. Chris has indeed, kissed a lot of people. None of them were anything like that. He knows he shouldn’t want it. He shouldn’t want that again with his teacher. Both of them are above age of consent, sure five years is definitely an age difference, it isn’t the biggest he’s ever heard of though. It’s not that out of place. If it wasn’t for how they met, it wouldn’t be considered wrong by most.

Chris rolls over in his bed in an attempt to shake his thoughts away.

It doesn’t work.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Pj has barely slept since Friday. He also hasn’t left his apartment since Friday. Friday is a common factor here. Pj lays in his bed after two full days and no sleep, he can’t remember what happened on Friday. His exhaustion is the only thing aware to him. Then it hits him again.

_Oh._

Chris happened on Friday.

Pj puts his arm over his face.

He has never met anyone like Chris. Chris is just so…Chris. Pj couldn’t believe himself as he started to develop a crush. He felt dirty and perverted, he felt wrong. Chris is his pupil.

He felt right.

He has never felt so strongly towards anyone. He has dated people and felt less towards them. Pj has also been training in teaching for years. There’d been a time when he was three years older than the sixth formers. He’d felt nothing for them then. Chris is eighteen. Chris isn’t a child, Pj knows that he isn’t.

He’s falling hard.

And that’s the other thing. Pj doesn’t just feel lust for Chris. He knows this feeling. It isn’t love,  it’s that thing that turns into love, that spark that gets you to want to know a person; their likes and dislikes, favorite colour, the way they smell. It’s that flame that turns into love.

Pj doesn’t remember feeling like this for a long while.

He never wants it to go away.

He drifts to sleep.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Chris manages to surprise himself by waking up on time for school on a Monday. He doesn’t think he’s done that in the last two years, normally he doesn’t get to sleep until late at night and then wakes up late in the morning.

He knows why he’s awake. He’s worried, maybe just a bit nervous. The two begin to blend together after a while. He can’t sleep when he’s worried. He used to get this when he was little.

When his mum got really bad.

And after his mum got really bad.

Chris chucks the standard white button up shirt on. He then pulls up his skinny jeans. Mrs Lester won’t be up and about until after he will have left for school. So he doesn’t put on his tie. He walks to the kitchen and pours himself  and Phil a bowl of cereal. He then tops his with more sugar. It’s a bad habit. He doesn’t intend to try and stop. He sits on a revolving chair by the counter top. He hears Phil stumble on his way and open the door. Phil walks in.Chris turns in his chair and speaks.

'I’ve been expecting you.’ Phil jumps backwards at the noise, he cries out and starts to hyperventilate. Chris is laughing.

'I hate you.’ Phil responds with a hand on his chest, chuckling to himself. Chris smiles and passes Phil his cereal. Phil opens his mouth to speak again. Chris interrupts.

'You love me. And yes, it’s lactose free. It’s almond milk.’ Phil smiles and sits in the matching chair. The two gently chat away as they eat.  Time passes this way. They fall into a calm quiet, giving Chris more time to worry.

'You okay Chris?’ Phil asks. Concerned expression on his face. Chris remembers to fake a smile.

'Yeah of course.’ He stands up and places his bowl in the sink. He places his hand on Phil’s shoulder for a second as he walks off. 'Why wouldn’t I be?’  Chris closes the door, leaving Phil alone in the kitchen.

Phil can tell when Chris is lying.

He always has been able to tell.

And Chris isn’t that easy to read.

Phil has known his brother since they were children. He knew his brother before he was his brother. Before then, he was just his best friend. He’s had years and years with his brother. Of course, he can tell when he is lying, even if Chris thinks he can’t.

Phil thinks about what they were like when they met.

Phil had got lost in the park. He was with his mum and when he turned around. She wasn’t there anymore. He remembers how he felt. He ran around. Desperately searching for but not being able to find her.

He remembers finding the kids park. How he went into a climbing frame and sat there. Crying into his knees. He remembers the face of a young boy, his age with wild eyes and a mad grin, popping up.

Chris got Phil to stop crying by telling him jokes. He coaxed him out of the frame and onto the ground. Back all that time and Chris was already telling jokes. Already the funny one. Chris took his hand when Phil stepped out. Talking to him about… Phil thinks it was his favorite toy that made him feel better when he felt sad. Chris took Phil to his granddad. Phil almost laughs when he remembers that. On that day he met not one but two Christopher Kendalls. Chris Kendall senior was a kind man. He praised Chris for bringing Phil to him and reassured Phil that he would be okay. He took both boys around the park until they found Phil’s mum. She had been worried sick too.Chris barley let go of Phil’s hand.

They’ve been inseparable ever since.

And Phil has grown up with Chris.

So Phil was with Chris when it all went wrong. He held Chris in his arms as he screamed through nightmares. He held his hand at funeral after funeral. He stayed up with him under bed sheets. With a torch telling stories, when Chris could no longer sleep. He played hide and seek with Chris when all the other kids were too scared of Chris's stitches. He turned the lights on when Chris was scared of the dark. He sat shoulder to shoulder with Chris, through everything. He always, always, supported Chris. He helped Chris when Chris needed help the most.

Of course he can tell when Chris is lying to him.

He does it all the time.

So Chris is lying to him. He wasn’t ill on Friday. He didn’t even spend that much time with mum on Saturday. Yesterday he just plain old wasn’t there. Chris is keeping a secret. This one seems like a big one.

Phil just doesn’t want it to hurt him.

 …………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Phil and Chris walked to school together.They walked to their first lesson together as well. Their first lesson is English.

Chris feels sick. He knows it’s just nerves. He knows nothing is going to happen, but he still feels sick.

He walks into the room and sees Pj behind his desk.

Chris notes how Pj's eyes are red rimmed.

He takes a seat, listens to his friends, and then the lesson.

He doesn’t speak to Mr Liguori. Pj doesn’t speak to him. During a silent moment in the lesson, where all Chris can hear is the scratching of pen against paper. He looks up. Pj is looking at him.

Before he even thinks about it, he mouths. 'You okay?’ Not taking his eyes away from his teacher. His teacher nods once. Chris gives him a small smile which Pj returns. Chris feels an arm jab into his side. Phil whispers for him to get on with his work. Chris responds with a witty response, gaining a snort of laughter from Louise.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

The week goes by. And the week after that. Chris’s life continues in much the same way.

He goes to his lessons. He makes his friends laugh. He laughs at his friends. He talks when he shouldn’t. Stands up for the people that can’t stand up for themselves. He doesn’t sleep properly. He can’t sleep properly. He gets in trouble. He’s used to it.

The only thing that changes is that everything seems brighter now.

But somehow more dangerous.

English carries on similarly too Monday’s proceedings. He stays quiet. Doesn’t talk to Pj, yet Pj still seems extremely present.

He hates it and loves it.

Because he loves listening to Pj. Loves his laugh, his patience and gentle humor. But he isn’t allowed to love it the way he wants to.

And that really sucks.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

'Hey Mr Liguori?’ asks a girl on the front row of the English class he’s currently teaching. It’s the sixth form group. The one with Chris in.

The one that he replays the kiss in, and the day before the kiss, and every moment with Chris. It was the best kiss he’d had in a long time.

It was completely wrong.

He wants more than anything in the world to do it again.

Even if it has been nearly three weeks.

He still hasn’t been able to stop himself from wanting more.

'Yes Meredith?

'I thought you said that you were only going to be teaching here for a month...’ The girl has a mess of blonde hair and smeared lipstick on the side of her mouth, probably the boyfriend that she won’t stop talking about, Pj thinks.

'It was going to only be the month but Mr Harris is going to be away longer than he expected.’ The girl nods and places an elbow on the table, placing a hand on her chin, knuckles pressed against her lips.

There is not a single excuse for the way his heart lifts when he sees Chris grin at what he said, not a single one.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Pj does speak to him openly on the morning of his birthday. He’s nineteen today. Pj says only enough to count as polite.

Chris feels an ache in his chest.

He ignores it and thanks him.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

'Chris?’ Chris hears a knock on his door.

He’d been trying to sleep.

He still can’t.

He quickly gets up and flicks the lock. Opening it to see Phil standing in the hall way.

'Yeah?’  Phil is silent for a second, staring at Chris.

Wait not at Chris, at Chris’s chest.

Chris looks down. He realizes what Phil is looking at, he crosses his arms, feeling guilty.

He is trying to hide the scars.

'Shit. Sorry Phil. I forgot I wasn’t wearing anything. I-’ Phil cuts him off.

'It’s okay Chris. I should be used to them. You’ve had them long enough. ’ Chris nods and then walks back into the room. He puts on a shirt, looking in the direction of Phil while he speaks again.

'Louise wants to know if you’re coming out this weekend or not. If you’re coming we’ll go to hers to get ready. If not I’ll get ready here.’ Phil says.

Chris sighs internally, he really just wanted to relax on Saturday. He’d had a busy week. It was Friday now, it was the anniversary of the kiss. He just wanted to mope a bit. He hasn’t been in a party mood for ages though. It was likely that his friends would start to notice soon and ask questions. Chris couldn’t risk them finding out about Pj. Even worse, finding out about his parents. He couldn’t let Phil think it was Chris's parents either. He smiles.

'Yeah sure. Can’t miss the party or it’ll miss me. You want to go right?’ Chris says. Phil nods.

'Some guy Louise knows is running it. If you’re all going then it’ll be loads of fun.’ Phil’s smile falters for a second. 'I’m not very good with club situations though…’ Chris interrupts.

'It’ll be fine. Just stick with me.’ Chris says solidly. Phil smiles again.

'Okay. Thanks, I’ll tell Louise.’ Phil grins at him. 'Did you have a good birthday?’

Chris laughs and nods. 'The best.’

Phil pulls him in for a quick hug. They say goodnight. Phil begins to walk away and into his room across the hall.

Chris shuts the door, twists the lock back into place and returns to his bed.

His head hits the pillow.

He thinks of Pj again.

He puts the palm of his hand onto his face and deeply exhales into it.

It’s going to be a long night.

 …………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Pj sits on his sofa. He has a red fluffy blanket sprawled over him. A large pack of sweet potato crisps on the table. Yu Gi Oh, the first series, is playing on the TV. Pj has his macbook on his lap and is fiddling with it. He hasn’t felt this content for weeks. Even if he still feels like he’s missing something.

His phone lights up. It’s attached to the wall and charging. Pj leans over the edge of the sofa to read the message.

Tyler: You coming tomorrow Peej? My beginning of October fest? It’s been AGES since I’ve seen you x (20:43)

Pj had forgotten that Tyler is having a party. Normally they get intense but it’s always fun. And it had been a while since he’d seen Tyler and his old university friends.

Pj:Yeah of course. Your place right? x (20:44)

Tyler:Yup. I’ll send you the address. It’s happening. x (20:44)

PJ smiles. He has a good feeling about this weekend.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Chris and Phil had ended up going to Zoe’s house before the party. The two girls sit in front of the a brightly light mirror applying makeup. The two boys sit on end of the bed. Chris notices Phil’s shirt poppers are done unevenly. He tells Phil, who redoes them, wrong again. Chris sighs.

'Let me do them’ Phil nods and Chris begins to undo them, and put them into the correct poppers. Louise notices.

'Aw. It’s so cute how the both of you look out for each other. You’re best friend goals.’ Louise turns around to Zoe shimmying her shoulders forward. 'Though Chummy and I will end up like you both one day.’ Chris laughs while Phil responds.

'Yes but by the time you’ve caught up with us. We’ll have moved forward.’ Chris finishes with Phil’s shirt.

'There’s not limit to our brotherhood.’ Chris adds, throwing his arms around Phil for a half embrace, making Phil laugh and return the embrace.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Pj arrived when Tyler told him to, which was about two hours before everyone else is supposed to turn up. Tyler doesn’t tend to invite that many people to his gatherings, but the people he invites invite people for him, with his approval. He claims it’s a great way of meeting new people, and he stops the creepy people for getting in. Pj can’t see the flaw. Tyler is already extremely drunk and seeing as people are starting to arrive. Pj doubts he’ll see that much more of him. It was nice to talk to him though. It really has been too long and Tyler is a good friend.

Pj isn’t going to deny being a little buzzed. But he doesn’t drink much and he knows when to stop. He doesn’t want to get drunk tonight so he moves onto pink lemonade.

Let the party begin.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Phil and Louise are very hyper. They are both also slightly intoxicated. Chris and Zoe aren’t drinking. Zoe doesn’t like the feeling of it. Chris doesn’t drink because he’s seen what can happen when it goes wrong. In fact drink scarred him for the rest of his life. So he can’t bring himself to try it. Plus, the two sober people can make sure nothing happens this way. Not that anything will happen. Louise knows Tyler from work at the hairdressers. They both just want working there to be a temporary thing. They bonded over their work and have become good friends. Tyler is reliable and a good judge of character . The four will be a little younger than everyone else. So it’s good to have two reliable people.

Louise and Zoe want to put makeup on both of the boys to see how it looks.

Phil allows cat whiskers in eyeliner which Louise applied. It’s clumsy but Chris thinks his brother looks cute with them.

'What do you want me to do Chris?’ Zoe asks with blue eyes shining. She looks down on him as he sits on the foot of her bed. 

'Just fuck me up.’ Chris responds, the others laugh.

He ends up with a faint amount of blue eye shadow and pink lips, black eyeliner is applied and winged. Chris nods in approval when Zoe brings him a mirror. She has done her job well and his make up matches his blue checkered shirt and black jeans. He thanks her.

The four  make their way to Tyler’s place.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Loud music and laughter are the only things Pj can hear. It's fun, he had missed this. Tyler is in the corner talking to Troye. A group of people are playing drinking games in the corner. He recognizes Hannah and waves, she waves back and then returns to the game. The other side of the room has people talking and dancing. Pj sees Dan standing by himself outside. He turns to walk to him. It’d been a while since he’d seen him too. But a new song begins to play, he knows from the opening chords.

Oh for gods sake.  _Tyler_.

He used to live with him and this was their song.

Not in a romantic way. They just played it to the point that it reminded each of them of the other.

It takes him a few seconds to spot Tyler standing by the speakers. Tyler runs to the middle of the room and gestures for Pj to come over.  Pj rolls his eyes and walks over. Tyler then climbs up onto a central table and begins to dance, moving his hips with the music, pointing at Pj whilst he does so. People are cheering for Tyler and shouting for Pj to join in. Pj sighs dramatically.

_Fuck it._

He walks over and raises his hand up so that Tyler can pull him up onto the table which Tyler does. The two begin to dance together like they used to. It’s all elbows, edges, and laughter.

The two get cheered on continuously.

Pj twirls Tyler under his arm. Emphasizing how short he is, making Pj laugh. Tyler jokingly swats him. He crosses his arms and turns around as if to jump off the table. Pj slaps his ass making the crowd go wild. Tyler puts his hand on his ass and rubs it, pretending that it stings. He sees someone at the front door and jumps off the table. Leaving Pj by himself to dance.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

'Hey everyone. Hello lovely Louise.’ He leans forward and pulls Louise in for a hug 'What’s everyone’s names?’ Tyler asks as he opens the door. He wants to get back to dancing with Pj but he can’t just leave these guys.

'I’m Chris, this is Phil.’  Tyler laughs at the two boys who have clearly been dressed up by Louise.

'And I’m Zoe’ Tyler gestures for them to all come in.

'Great. I’ll let you guys look around. I’m needed on the dance table.’ Tyler winks at the group and runs into the next room. The cheering they could hear before gets louder. They look at each other and follow Tyler.

All four of them are stunned when they go into the next room.

Only one of them is stunned because of how gorgeous the man dancing is. Only one is still because of how much they want him.

The other three are completely shocked.

'Holy fuck is that Mr Liguori?’ Zoe exclaims.

'Oh my…’ Louise slowly says.

 _'He’s fucking perfect'_  Chris thinks.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Pj has pulled Tyler back up onto the table. They used to dance like this all the time during their university years. When they were both still training to become teachers. Pj has finally finished all his training,  Tyler, however, has some time left in his education. Pj raises his hands above his body and gyrates his hips towards Tyler. He then circles them. Tyler moves around Pj so they are back to back. They both dance for the audience directly in front of them. Both of them being funny in clumsy fake sexiness for their friends. Pj hears the beginning of the end of the song. Tyler reappears in front of him and they sing it face to face.

The song ends. The group around the two dancers laugh and cheer. Tyler bows, jumping down from the table with a hand from Dan. He trips slightly when he reaches the ground and falls forward into Dan’s arms. They both laugh it off. Dan then moves forward to help Pj of the table. The two hug on purpose when Pj reaches the bottom.

'Pj! it’s been so long since I’ve seen you dance like a whore.’ Tyler laughs out over the next loud song that’s began to play. The crowd has dispersed back into the party. Pj is about to retort to Tyler’s comment when he turns around. His gaze meeting with four stares. His eyes widen.

Is that Phil? and Zoe? and Louise?

And Chris?

Oh shit. Had they seen that?

And why has Phil got whiskers?

Pj does has to give credit where credit is due. Tyler does realize that something is wrong. Even in his state of drunkenness. He turns to see where Pj is looking. He does however take Pj’s panic the complete wrong direction. Tyler speaks in a sing song voice

'Oh Pj. Do you like what you see? I can hook you up with a little-’

'Tyler, no.’ Tyler’s eyebrows crease together.

'Then what’s up?’

'Nothing. Go get a drink.’ Tyler seems to relax.

'I’ll be back in a second.’ Tyler walks off.

Pj hears a cough to his side. It’s Phil.

'Hey Mr Liguori’ Phil says and waves. Louise and Zoe stand near him but stay still.

Pj puts a hand on his face. He hears a laugh.

Chris’s laugh. Automatically his mood picks up again.  He removes the hand.

'Please don’t tell anyone about that.’ Pj begs. Chris chuckles at it, which causes Louise to get the giggles, then they are in hysterics.

'We won’t. I promise.’ Chris says. the only stable one in the four. He has a boyish smile on his face. Pj finds that in his slightly tipsy state, he has even less willpower to fight the urge to kiss it. His makeup is pretty hot. Pj can’t decide whether he prefers it on or off.  Tyler returns and considering himself a great host, makes introductions. Even if he does get Phil and Chris’s names mixed up.

They all chat to Tyler. Tyler wants to hear some of the younger peoples crazy stories. He thanks them all internally, for not telling Tyler that he teaches them. Tyler he gets dragged into some other crazy event in the drinking games. Pj thinks it’s spin the bottle but he opts out of watching.

He needs to clear his head.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Pj goes outside and sits on a concrete step. The night air is cold and seems to pierce the haze he’s been in. The ground he is on and the air surrounding him seem to suck his warmth away. He deeply breathes, in and out, his breath is visible in the air. He wraps his arms around himself and lets his eyes fall shut.

He hears the door slide open, and then hears it close.

He doesn’t look up.

He hears footsteps on the hard concrete ground.

'Pj?’ Pj’s eyes flick open at the sound of Chris’s voice.  He looks up at him expectantly, He’s washed the makeup off his face 'Can I sit here?’ Pj nods and Chris sits. Pj looks back out.This time however, he keeps his eyes open. He looks up at the stars and the full moon. He listens to Chris’s breathing. He tastes mint in his mouth.

He doesn’t feel the cold now that Chris is here.

He doesn’t see Chris watching him from his side.

'Sorry for bothering you. I just don’t really like stuff like this.’ Chris says. He changes his line of sight to the stars too. 'Loud noises have always put me off. Never liked them…’ Chris trails off. His thoughts return to the memories that haunt him. 'Silence is worse though. Nothing good happens when it’s silent.’ Chris’s thoughts continue to delve through the bad memories. He normally stops himself from thinking about his past. He just finds himself feeling able to do it when Pj is there. He looks at Pj when he speaks.

'It was silent when we kissed.’ Pj says quietly. His face being bathed in the moonlight. Chris doesn’t say anything for a second.

'Not that kind of silence. I mean unnatural silence like graveyards…and hospitals.’ Chris aches from the amount of time he’s spent in both of those places. Pj stops looking up and locks eyes with Chris. Pj studies the pain in Chris’s face. He reaches out to the side and clasps his hand. Chris jumps at the contact but relaxes into it quickly. 'I’m sorry-’ Chris tries to continue to speak when Pj throws his words back at him.

'-Don’t be. It’s not your fault.’ Chris smiles when he realizes what Pj said. He squeezes Pj’s hand just a little bit.

'Thank you.’ Chris says.

They sit there in natural silence. They feel the cold and hear the party behind them. They don’t let go of each others hand. They grasp on to each other. Both of them separate beings wanting to be whole.

'Do you regret it?’ Chris asks. 'The kiss.’ He elaborates.

'I could never bring myself to regret it. I wished I hadn’t done it at points. After kissing you, it all got so much harder.’ Pj deeply exhales, He whispers. 'It’s so hard to pretend I don’t want you. It’s _so hard_ to try and not want you. All I want is to do it again. I shouldn’t but I do. It’s becoming all I want.’ Pj manages to shock himself by admitting it all. He’s always been quite reserved. He doesn’t know what it is about Chris that breaks down his barriers, but it’s what Chris always seems to do.

It’s all true. He can’t stop himself from wanting Chris.

So he doesn’t push Chris away when he feels lips on his.

In fact, he kisses back.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

The kiss starts delicate, turning harder and more passionate by the second. Hands move; Chris finds himself with one in Pj’s hair and the other on Pj’s neck. Pj wraps his arms around Chris, hands Chris’s back, keeping him close. The kiss holds all the repressed emotions. All the urges which have remained as urges, not actions. Chris tongues along Pj’s bottom lip, pushing slightly through and into Pj’s mouth. Pj moans and Chris tightens his grip in PJ’s hair.

The back door opens and both of them quickly break apart.

It turns out to just be a party goer that neither of them know. They look from right to left and right again. She realizes that neither of them are who she is looking for and goes back into the building.

Pj practically throws himself into Chris’s lap when she closes the door. He wants Chris so badly. Chris is sitting between his legs. He is kissing Pj’s neck whilst Pj groans loudly. Chris stops kissing Pj and looks directly up into his face. The moon providing a near halo for him. He hears a loud spout of laughter from inside the building. He pulls away a short distance slowly, hearing Pj’s heavy breaths. He wishes they didn’t have to do this. With all his self, he wishes they didn’t have to. He whispers.

'Pj. We can’t do this here…Phil and the others might find us.’

Pj’s lust blown eyes seem to look directly into him.

'Do you want to do this?’ Pj whispers in response. Chris smiles lightly, with Pj pretty much sitting in his lap, what can he say?

'All I want to do is this.’ Chris sees Pj’s smile in response. He pulls down Pj and lightly kisses it.

'I have a flat. You can come over and we can do this more privately.’ Chris looks concerned for a second and Pj stumbles over his own words to comfort him. 'We don’t have to do anything you’re uncomfortable with Chris. I’m sorry if I crossed a line.’ Chris shakes his head quickly.

'No. I’m not uncomfortable with this. I’ve done this before and I definitely want it with you. I was just thinking that if we leave together it will look suspicious.’ Pj relaxes again. 'I’ll give you my phone number. You can go home. Then you can message me your address and I can come over’. Pj smiles and begins to get off Chris’s lap.

'Sounds great. Also gives me a chance to clean up.’ Pj jokes. Chris smiles and grabs his shirt. He pulls him in for a quick kiss. They break apart and exchange numbers. Pj goes inside the building after turning around and smiling at Chris.

Chris breaths out loudly. Spins himself and sits down on the cold concrete steps. Huffing out a breath, he looks up at the sky, smiling into the night as the night seems to smile back.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Pj walks into his flat, placing his keys on the side. He’d mentioned to Tyler he was leaving. Tyler had hugged him and let him go. He texts Chris his address and the message. 'I’m home. See you soon’. He debates leaving kisses. He settles for one solo X.  He doesn’t get an immediate response. He decides to have a shower. He always feels tense after parties. He needs to relax before Chris gets there. His phone flashes up as he takes off his shirt.

Chris: I’ll be there in 30 minutes. Fuck waiting an hour x (23:11)

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Chris gets Pj’s message while he’s talking to Phil. It’ll take him about twenty minutes to walk there, thank you google. He’ll set off soon. Chris looks up from responding to Pj’s message. He sees that Phil has started talking to someone else. He thinks he recognizes him from earlier. Was it Dean? Dan? Don? He thinks the name was Dan. He seemed nice enough.

He sets off to find Zoe.

On the way he sees Louise in the midst of a drinking game involving a ping pong ball and upside down cups. She looks happy enough so Chris doesn’t interrupt. Instead choosing to wave back when she nearly falls over doing the same thing.

Zoe is talking to Tyler and some random guy. She doesn’t spot him until he’s right behind her. He taps her on the shoulder. The contact makes her jump but she laughs when she sees it’s just Chris. She leans up and puts her arm around his neck. Pulling him down for a hug. Chris laughs and hugs back.

'I’m going. I’ve got places to be. Can you keep an eye on Phil for me? Make sure he doesn’t do anything stupid.’ Chris asks. Talking at a normal volume but into her ear so she can hear. Zoe shifts her head so she can do the same.

'Of course I can.’ She responds 'Where are you going?’

'Just meeting up with a friend. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen them.’ Zoe pulls away with a knowing glint in her eye.

'Yeah right. Anyway have fun, use protection!’ Zoe shouts loudly. Chris rolls his eyes but laughs.

'I’m meeting a friend for pete’s sake. Okay, see you later.’ Chris turns and waves as he walks out of the room.

The front door has been left open so Chris just steps through it. He counts himself lucky for Phil not noticing he left.

He’d let Zoe deal with that now and deal with it himself later.

He uses his phone for directions to Pj’s flat. He then begins to slowly travel up the road, taking his time in the cool night, watching the shadows of the full moon. He thinks back through the evening. Pj double checks himself, that this isn't a mistake and he won’t regret this.

He knows deep down that he could never regret this.

Even if it all goes wrong he’ll never regret this.

He gets a message from Pj. He’s been walking for about fifteen minutes.

Pj: Have I mentioned that I’m completely naked? I just had a shower. Thinking about you x (23:34)

Of course Pj uses correct English in his texts. Of course.

Chris might just begin to power walk.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Pj hears a knock at the door. He hasn’t got a shirt on yet. He’d gotten distracted after his shower with cleaning the flat. Well cleaning as much as making it presentable. He’d put on a hooded jacket for warmth but hadn’t zipped it up. He’d also just put on the same pair of jeans he’d been wearing before. His hair is still damp but it’ll do.

Pj considers rushing for a shirt and leaving Chris at the door.

He doesn’t after realizing that it means seconds less time with Chris.

As he walks to the door he has one primary feeling in his gut. The closer he gets to the door, the further up it moves. Until it is in his chest, in front of his heart. He opens the door and sees Chris. It materializes into words.

_'I’m not falling for him anymore. I’ve fallen.’_

His thoughts fly around him. All the doubt that he had about this, about Chris, vanishes. Because Chris is here and Chris wants him back. Chris is able to make his own decisions. He isn’t a child. He’s eighteen.  He’s not really that much younger than Pj. The only thing that could make this seem wrong in some peoples eyes is how they met. It could be so much worse. Pj knows that his thoughts aren’t wrong. He doesn’t intend to hurt Chris. He isn’t some kind of sexual predator. He just wants Chris. He wants Chris with him. He wants to fall in love with Chris. He wants all of that. So he can allow himself this. He can let whatever this is happen.

Whatever this is, is okay.

As long as Chris wants him back. It’s okay.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Chris can see Pj space out. The man’s imagination is one of his best qualities. Chris takes the moment to look at Pj. To take in his damp curling hair, the shaven jaw. His bright green unfocused eyes. He looks at his smooth chest. Chris takes a step forward, and presses his lips against Pj’s.

And he thanks any deity he can dream up in his head, because Pj presses his back.

Chris hears the door shut. Hears the click of a lock. Chris feels the smooth skin of Pj’s near naked upper half. He can smell a new synthetic fragrance coming of Pj’s hair. He can taste mint in Pj’s mouth again. He feels safe. He breaks the kiss.

'I was promised a fully naked Pj you know.’ Pj laughs and takes a step back.

'If you want it. You better come and get it.’ Pj responds with a smirk.

Chris takes that step forward and presses his mouth against Pj’s. He pushes Pj’s jacket down his shoulders and off his body. Chris lightly scratches a hand down Pj’s back. Pj exhales loudly with pleasure. Pj moves his hands to unbutton Chris’s shirt. Chris panics. He grabs his hands and pulls away from the kiss.

'I’m sorry. But we need to talk before you do that.’ Chris says nervously. His eyes flick to the ground. Pj notices.

PJ moves a hand to cup Chris’s face. He gently kisses Chris’s mouth.

'We’ll go into the bedroom and talk there. Okay?’ Pj takes Chris’s hand. Leading him through the small flat. Chris takes note of the mass of calm clutter around the rooms. Rubik cubes and plushies. It’s very Pj. It relaxes him.

The two walk into Pj’s bedroom. Pj goes straight in, leaving Chris to close the door. He sits on the edge of the bed, a look of concern etched into his features. Chris walks until he is standing directly in front of Pj.

'I’m not going to be as pretty as you are Peej.’ Chris whispers. Looking down at Pj. Pj looks less concerned. He didn’t think Chris would just be self conscious. He definitely shouldn’t be. Has he seen himself in the mirror?

'I can assure you that you will be as pretty as me Chris.’ He responds. Moving his hands so that they both are touching the back of Chris’s thighs.

'No. No, it’s not like that.’ Pj’s eyebrows crease together.

'What’s it like Chris? Tell me.’ He lightly squeezes his hands into Chris’s upper legs, trying to reassure Chris. Chris swallows

'I’ve got scars.’ Pj’s eyes widen. 'Not self inflicted. There’s a lot of them. I-I-It’s complicated to talk about how I got them.’ Chris seems to be choking out the words near the end. Pj looks up with longing in his eyes. Chris shouldn’t feel like this. All Pj can see is his beauty.

'Show me.’ He says quietly and affectionately. Chris squeezes his eyes together. He begins to unbutton his shirt. Finally letting it fall to the ground.

He hears a gasp.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

 _’How fucking dare they?’_ Is the first thing that registers in Pj’s mind.

_’How fucking dare they do this to Chris?’_

Chris’s natural skin is pale. But he has pink tissues cutting into the white. The pinks cover him. His torso decorated with them. The scars are layered and obtrusive. But they are a part of Chris. Even if the idea of how he got them makes him sick. He will love them.

If they aren’t self inflicted then this was done this to him. Because these aren’t scars from an accident. This wasn’t a car crash or a mark from dropping a knife. This wasn’t one or two scars obtained over a long time.

This is tens of them at once. With the same object.

Someone did this to him.

PJ has two thoughts screaming in his head. One eventually becomes louder than the other.

'Are you safe now?’ He asks Chris. Who remains still, standing in front of him with eyes squeezed shut.

He hadn’t wanted to see how Pj would react. He didn’t want to see the imagined disgust in his face.

'Yes.’ Chris whispers back. 'I’ve been safe for a long time now’ He pauses for a second 'They’ll never heal’.

He sounds so defeated. Chris Kendall. Who is so full of fire and life. Sounds empty.

Pj can’t have that.

He leans his head forward and presses his lips to a long thin scar along Chris’s hip.

He kisses along the length of it.

Chris opens his eyes. Confusion has filled them.

'You don’t want me to put my shirt back on?’ He asks a hint of disbelief playing in his voice.

Pj laughs.

'I don’t think I ever want you to put one back on again.’ Chris’s eyes go wide. He allows himself a small smile.  He pushes Pj back and onto the bed. Putting his body on top of Pj’s. Connecting their mouths. He can feel every one of Pj’s movements. Hear every moan. Pj moves his hands to Chris’s ass. Chris intakes breath quickly. Pj smirks.

Pj rolls the both of them over. Leaving Chris below him.  He props himself up onto his knees so that their bodies aren’t touching.  His hands are either side of Chris’s head. He moves down and touches his lips to Chris’s. Then he retracts his body, bringing his hands with him. He is sat in Chris’s lap. He begins to unbuckle Chris’s belt.

Chris leans forward. He unbuttons Pj’s trousers.

Pj moves back of Chris’s lap and stands up. He shakes off his own clothing. Leaving just his underwear.

He gets onto his knees. Leaving himself eye level with the large bulge Chris has in his visible underwear. He lightly trails his fingers down Chris’s legs, pulling down Chris’s trousers with them. He stays knelt on the ground. In front of Chris, like a knight at his feet.

He gets caught up in the moment. Chris is beautiful. To him Chris is beautiful. He makes him laugh. He’s clever, caring and Pj thinks that if he doesn’t already love him, he wants to.

Pj doesn’t want this to be over. He doesn’t want them hooking up to be the end of this.

He will do whatever it takes.

He feels a hand on his chin. Pulling his gaze and head up.

'We don’t have to do this. I can go if you want.’ Pj shakes his head.

'No. I want this.’ Pj answers. He looks into Chris’s shining wide eyes. 'I just don’t want you to go.’ He says quietly and insecurely. Chris smiles.

'I’m not going to be going for a while Peej.’

'I mean that I don’t want you to be gone when I wake up. I don’t want to pretend this never happened.’ Pj swallows. He whispers. 'I don’t want this to be it for us.’

Chris feels lighter in this second than he has ever felt before. Pj looks so vulnerable.

He leans forward and tenderly kisses him on the forehead.

'Then it won’t be it for us.’ He responds. 'We won’t let it be.’

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

He moves his mouth to Pj’s.  Both of them responding to the others slight movements. To Chris, it feels like trust. To Pj, it feels like hope.

To both of them it feels new and old.

Both of them crave more as they receive more.

Pj is biting small tender marks into Chris’s neck. His arousal increasing as Chris pants his name. Groaning with the sweet pleasure. They have ended up on top of the bed. Pj lays on top of Chris.

'Peej….’ Chris calls out. Breathing with the word. 'Fuck’ Pj raises his hand and begins to palm at Chris’s cock through his underwear. The first contact causing Chris’s hips to buckle upwards. 'More.’ Chris moans again. Pj has more composure than Chris.

'More Christopher?’ Pj responds with authority.

'I believe that’s what I fucking said.’ Chris chokes out. Pj chuckles.

He begins to move down Chris’s body. Until his head is level with Chris’s bulge. He slowly pulls down Chris’s underwear. Listening to Chris’s intake of breath when the cold air hits. Pj attempts to hide how turned on he is. And fails.

'Fuck, Chris.’ Pj exclaims. Chris menacingly grins.

'Why PJ. We have to wait for that.’ Chris stares into Pj’s green blown eyes for a second. His cock missing the contact. He resists the urge to attend to it himself and get off while looking at Pj. His fantasy causes him to lightly jut upwards.

'Do you want me to take care of that?’ Pj asks. Chris nods quickly and repetitively. 'What’s the magic word Chris?’ Pj teases, running his thumb over the tip of Chris’s cock. His mouth merely centimeters from it.

'P-P-Please’. Pj smirks at him, one side of his face smiling slightly higher than the other.

'That’s better’ He moves his mouth down and around Chris’s cock. Chris swears loudly . He moves his hands to the top of PJ’s head. Intertwining them into Pj’s curly hair.  Pj moves his head up and down. Chris resists the urge to fuck into his mouth, he doesn’t want to hurt Pj. He moans loudly with the pleasure. All too soon, Pj pulls off.

'Chris.’ Pj begs.  Chris comes to his senses. Pj’s voice is thick.. 'Fuck me. I need you. To fuck me’ Pj struggles to get the words out. Chris sits up and moves so he is face to face with Pj.

'What’s the magic word Peej?’ Chris can see from here, just how aroused Pj is. Pj is breathing heavily.

'Please.’ He begs. Moaning as Chris bites him once on his collarbone. Chris pulls away.

'That’s better.’ He says cockily. Having gained composure. 'Lube?’ Pj makes a gesture towards the bedside table. Chris leans over and opens the drawer. He finds condoms and lubricant. As well as several sex toys, Chris picks one up. He turns to Pj with an eyebrow raised. Pj glares at him, head slightly turned to the side. Chris puts it back. Laughing to himself.

Then Pj is laughing too. The both of them are in hysterics together. Chris climbs over and on top of Pj. Still laughing. Pj swears to himself that he could come just from the boyish grin on top of him. Chris kisses him and pulls down his underwear.

'You’re sure about this?’ Chris questions. Pj nods quickly. Chris pops the cap of the lube. Pj shivers. 'What was that?’ Chris asks with amusement in his voice. Pj blushes.

'I got excited’ Pj responds embarrassed. Chris laughs and Pj swats at him with no real malice.

'You’re adorable.’ Chris puts a heavy dose of lubricant into his hand.

'Am not’ Pj doesn’t notice Chris’s movements.

'Yeah you are’ Chris inserts a finger into Pj. Causing him to gasp. 'Say you are’

'I’m adorable.’ Pj almost shouts. 'Fuck me. Please.’

'Since you asked so nicely.’ Chris begins to move his finger. Stretching Pj to the point that he can insert two fingers. Scissoring him gently. Pj squirms beneath him. Moaning at the pleasure of it. Swearing when Chris does something good.

'Fuck Chris.’ He leans up and digs his face into the side of Chris’s neck. Chris uses the opportunity to kiss Pj’s exposed neck.  Continuing to move his fingers. Pj is effectively sitting in his lap.

'Feel good?’ Chris asks.

Pj croaks out a 'Yeah’ which Chris laughs at. He begins to move his fingers quicker. Pj moving his body to move with them. Creating a rhythm. Pj’s swearing becomes more frequent. Watching him is making Chris’s cock begin to ache for attention. He starts to attend to it with his other hand whilst the other is in Pj. He praises his ability to multitask.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Chris removes his hand. Pj makes a noise of complaint before he hears the lube cap click again. He feels empty without some part of Chris in him. He looks at Chris. The sight of his cock makes Pj moan.  He wants him inside him. He wants Chris.

'Chris.’ Pj closes his eyes, panting from the sheer pleasure he’s been put through. 'I want you to fuck me.’ Chris tuts him.

'You have to wait sweetheart.’ Smirking.

Like that isn’t the hottest thing ever.

Pj gasps in relief as he feels Chris put his fingers back inside him. He enjoys the pleasurable stretch of a third finger. He sees that Chris is palming his cock. Chris rubs over his prostate. He swears ferociously.  His words become incoherent. Mostly consisting of Chris’s name and fuck.

Chris decides to give Pj what he wants. He pulls out his fingers for a second time. He believes that Pj is prepped enough that this shouldn’t hurt him. He climbs off Pj. He hears a light whimper and smiles at it.

Because that’s him doing that to Pj.

He grabs the condom from where he left it. He breaks the seal with his teeth. He leans on the bed next to Pj where he rolls it onto his cock.

He leans down and kisses Pk delicately on the mouth.

'You want this?’ Chris checks for a final time. Pj nods.

'Yes. All I want is you. Please.’

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Chris ends up between Pj’s legs. He pushes in slowly, winding them both up. He waits for Pj to become used to him. After Pj nods his approval, Chris pulls out.

And slams back in.

Thrusting into him. Again and Again.

Pj moans. Shouting out Chris’s name. Enjoying the burning pleasure coming with the slight pain.

Chris crying out with each hard press. The heat and feel of Pj driving him insane. The sound of Pj. His smell.

Pj has a strong link to insanity in the mind of Chris.

It makes sense.

Chris hits Pj’s prostate causing him to cry out loudly. Chris doesn’t think he’s ever heard anything more beautiful. In it’s own way of course.

He hits it again.

The heat. The feeling surrounding his cock. He starts to feel a pooling sensation in his stomach.

He’s getting close.

He leans down and sucks on Pj’s neck. Placing his hand around Pj’s cock. He moves it up and down whilst he thrusts.

Pj becomes a mess under him. Squirming and writhing against him. Swearing and moaning. Toes curling, knees week. Nearly screaming his name. Chris moves away from Pj’s neck.

Pj can’t form words or thoughts anymore. He can only think of Chris.

Pj’s irregular movements are driving Chris wild. He fucks him harder than before. With less rhythm than before. The feeling becoming too much for Pj. He tries to warn Chris. His mouth only opening with weak syllabic noises coming out of his dry throat. Chris gets the meaning.

He nearly pulls out entirely but Chris fucks in one last time. Chris’s hand attends to Pj’s cock. With one last final burst of pleasure from his prostate, Pj comes. Painting both of their stomachs with it.

Pj sees bright lights in the back of his eyelids.

Chris comes seconds later. He falls down on top of Pj. Not having the strength to move.

Chris gathers his willpower. He gets up and pulls out of Pj. He removes the condom and places it in the bin. Gathers some tissues and clears up the remaining come on both his and Pj’s chests. Pj remains still with his eyes closed. His breathing beginning to return to normal. Chris places the tissues in the bin and turns to Pj.

'Do you still want me to stay?’ Chris asks insecurity sneaking into his voice. Pj’s eyes fly open, he begins to move to get the covers of his bed.

'Yes. I want you to stay Chris’ He gestures for Chris to join him under the sheets.

'Do you still want me to be here when you wake up?’ Chris asks as he climbs into Pj’s arms.

'Yes. I do.’ Pj replies.

'Do you still want us to be something?’ Chris asks. Quieter than he was previously. Pj ducks down to kiss his forehead.

'Yes. I want us to be something if you do. I don’t want this to be a one time thing Chris.’ Pj takes the same quiet tone as Chris. 'As long as you do want us to be something-’

'I do. I really do’ Chris reassures Pj. 'It’ll be hard. But you’re worth it Peej.’ The two hold each other in the dark room.

Pj lips are connected to Chris. Not moving. Relaxing there. His eyes are shut. Sweat holds curls of hair to his forehead. His breathing still irregular. Chris is laying looking out of the window. Full moon casting gentle light over white sheets. Chris twists his head slightly. He looks up at Pj. The gentle content expression on his face. He is beautiful. Chris thinks he’s beautiful.

'So anything to discuss Pj  or can I go to sleep?’ Pj laughs at Chris’s question.

'Unless you want to discuss my serious case of the nakeds. No.’ Chris chuckles. They lie together in peace for a while. They can hear the sound of each others breathing and distant street traffic. Light from the moon illuminates the room. Both of them can feel the others heat and grab to it to escape the cold. Chris begins to untangle himself from Pj’s arms.

'What are you-’ Chris interrupts Pj.

'Is there a lock for this door?’ Chris asks.

'The front door locks’ Pj says. Chris interrupts again.

'I can’t sleep unless the door is locked.’ Pj hears pain register in Chris’s voice. Pj understands that there is probably a reason. Even if Chris hasn’t told him. He thinks for a solution in which he can sleep next to Chris tonight.

'Use the chair’ Pj says. Chris nods and drags the desk chair to the door. Lodging it up against the handle. He tests it twice. Satisfied, he returns to the bed and entangles himself with Pj.

He listens as Pj’s breath becomes more even. Chris can’t pin the point that Pj crossed over into sleep. He looks innocent, despite what just happened. Chris can’t help but think he looks innocent. But Chris knows how strong Pj is.

For the first time in a long time, Chris almost feels safe.

He smiles to himself. Whispering sweet nonsense dedications in his head.

The last thing he remembers is looking at the glow in the dark stars on the wall as he falls asleep.

 …………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Waking up is a slow lengthy progress. Warm sun replaces ethereal moon light.

Pj opens his eyes first.

They’ve shifted in the night. Chris remains in Pj’s arms. He has moved so that his face tucks into Pj’s chest. Pj’s chin connects with the top of his head. Their feet are still intertwined. He hears laughter from the street below. Distant traffic noises. The smell of coffee from a neighboring flat.  He feels how warm Chris is. He listens for Chris’s breathing.

It’s achy and his neck hurts. Pj wouldn’t trade it for anything.

He shuts his eyes. Remaining conscious but just relaxing into this. He doesn’t know what’s going to happen when Chris wakes up. It has to be nearly midday. He doesn’t know what will happen but he’s determined to enjoy this now. In case he never gets to again.

He needs to remember this.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Chris wakes up but he doesn’t open his eyes.

That’s the first time he’s slept properly in weeks.

He can hear Pj’s heartbeat from where his head is placed.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Chris begins to stir. Pj opens his eyes again.

'Good morning’ Pj whispers, just in case Chris is still asleep.

'I thought you said there wasn’t such a thing?’ Chris responds, voice slightly hoarse. He is speaking into Pjs chest.

'This is a good morning’ The corners of Pj’s mouth turning upward. Chris pulls away from his chest, he begins to sit up. He is smiling.

'I agree.’ He stretches his hands out in front of himself, clicking his bones. Pj turns onto his back. He is laying facing the ceiling. Warm light casts itself onto the bed sheets. His eyes are shut, his face slightly tilted. The sun plays onto his skin. Curls itself into his hair. He looks immortal, divine, like a god. Chris thinks he has found something finally that he can worship. He aches for his camera. Just so he can preserve this. So he can keep the art of the moment somewhere. But he can’t. 'What time is it?’ Pj’s eyes flick open.

 _God he really does look like the summer_. Chris thinks.

'Um. Give me a second’ Pj leans to the alarm clock on his bedside table. 'Half past one.’ Pj says with dread in his voice. He groans placing a hand on his face. Chris looks at him in confusion.

'What’s wrong?’ Chris asks. Fear sneaks into the happiness.

'I was supposed to call my mum an hour ago.’ Pj groans again. 'She’s going to fucking kill me.’

Chris laughs. The fear leaves again.

'You have a scheduled time to call your mum? That’s adorable.’ Chris coos him whilst he smiles.

PJ moves his hand of his face.  He looks at Chris.

'Cremate me’

Chris rolls his eyes, picks up a pillow and lightly hits Pj with it. Pj chuckles. He moves up to Chris and kisses him chastely on the mouth.

'Mum can wait. You okay to stay longer?’ Pj asks. Chris nods.

'As long as I text Phil. He needs to know that I’m not dead or being taken advantage of.’  Chris moves to sit with his legs off the side of the bed. gathering his clothes from the day before.

'I think you’d better leave that last bit off’ Pj winks at him.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Chris looks at his phone sheepishly. Grimacing when he sees his messages.

Inbox: (38)

Fuck.

He hears Pj adjusting the shower in the next room. He was supposed to be joining him after he texted Phil but it may take longer than expected.

He sees that the majority of the messages are from last night. Most are from Louise. It starts with Louise going on a drunken text rant about the hot guy she just met. Then that….

Phil was what?

PHIL.

Chris can’t even leave him alone for a night. He made out with that guy at the party last night. They might have done more. Louise isn’t reliable. Chris can’t even remember his name. That guy could just be using Phil. He could be anything or anyone. Phil should know better.

They were going to have words.

Granted they would be the words of a man that just got back from a hook up. With his English teacher. It would be a bit hypocritical.

Okay, maybe he should ease up a bit. But still.

He reads the messages he got from Zoe next. Only three.

Zoe: Everyone’s okay. We’re going back to my place. Message me when you see this xx (02:43)

Zoe: Okay. They’re both very hungover. Phil’s waiting here so that you can both go back home together. (10:29)

Zoe: Chris. Where are you? (13:12)

He quickly types a response.

Chris: Tell Phil to just go home if he wants. I’m going to take some time x (14:47)

He presses the button on the side of his phone. Making the screen go black. He walks into the bathroom speedily. He discards his clothes.  Pj turns off the water stream so that Chris can step in. PJ puts his lips on Chris’s as he turns the water back on. This causes the illusion of them kissing in the rain. Chris laughs during breaths.

They start the process of washing themselves and each other. Soap on one person spreading to the other in the close proximity. Each of them shampooing the others hair, kissing them whilst they do so. Even if it makes their eyes sting. The constant connection of their bodies turns to more. They both end up coming again in the shower. They get out when their skin is wrinkled and their smiles are near permanent.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Pj is wearing the clothes he sleeps in. He words it like this because Chris has already made three Pj in Pjays jokes. He doesn’t want to encourage him.

Chris is wearing the clothes he wore yesterday. At least he’s trying to wear them.  He’s currently half dressed in front of the mirror. He is examining his one large hickey courtesy of Pj.

Pj looked at his neckline in the mirror behind Chris. He gave up all hope of trying to cover it. He’ll probably just wear a scarf. Maybe steal some stage makeup off Sophie next time the old uni group meet up to plan a video. Meaning he would only have to wait until Wednesday, his day off.

It seems like a solid plan.

Chris hasn’t got any of the time or clothing.

'Phil is going to kill me’ Chris says, hand on neck, in a deadpan voice. 'He is going to know that I hooked up with someone. He will know that I lied to him about just going to a friends. He will accuse me of hypocrisy.  And then everyone is going to wind me up. Because I wind them up-’

’-Isn’t that called Karma?-’

’-I. Christopher James Kendall-’

’-Your middle name is James?-’

’-Will die a young unnatural death. Due to this lovebite.’ He turns dramatically to Pj. 'Bury me with sunflowers.’ He turns back to face the mirror.

'Whatever you want Chris. Though you aren’t allowed to die on me anytime soon.’ Pj originally teases, becoming slightly more somber near the end. With a small sad smile, Chris responds.

'Yeah well. I know what it’s like to lose people so yeah. I’m not putting anyone through that anytime soon. If I have a choice.’ Pj steps off the side of the bed. He walks behind Chris and places his arms around him. He buries his head into his shoulder. Chris unconsciously raises a hand and runs it through PJ’s damp hair. He looks at himself in the mirror.

 _'We look like an actual couple.’_ Chris thinks. He then realizes that they feel like one too. He brings together all his courage.

'Pj?’ Pj unhooks his arms, he walks back over to the bed and sits on the side. Chris takes the time to put his shirt back over his shoulders. Leaving it unbuttoned. He then walks so he is only a step away from Pj. Pj looks at Chris expectantly. 'You said you wanted us to be something… Do you still want that?’ Pj smiles shyly.

'If you still want it then yeah. Of course.’ He takes a second. Retreating into his mind. 'It will be hard. We can’t do anything at school. It could only be between us. We would have to keep it secret at least for now.’

'I’m okay with keeping it secret. I just want you.’ Chris responds. Surprising himself with his honesty. Pj stands up, nearly face to face with Chris.

'I just want you too.’ He presses a light kiss to Chris’s lips. Then to his cheek. He sits back down on the bed and begins to do Chris’s buttons for him. Sticking his tongue out slightly as he does so.

The moment is bathed in warm sunshine. Chris takes a mental picture. He wants to remember this for as long as possible.

'So are Saturdays going to be our thing?’ Chris asks. Breaking his own haze. Pj finishes with the buttons. He stands up once more.

'Saturdays. Fridays. Sundays. Whenever. I don’t care as long as I see you.’ Chris nods. He presses a kiss to Pj’s cheek this time.

'That works for me too.’

 …………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

They are both sad when Chris has to go. He can’t ignore his phone flashing up with messages forever. He ate with PJ. They joked. Fighting with the whipped cream Chris found in the fridge. Chris ending up licking of PJ’s face. It was everything he imagined. He doesn’t want it to end.

But it has to. At least until next week.

And he can still message Pj on his phone. He will still be able to see him.

It just won’t be in the same way. He can deal with that.

They share a long kiss before he leaves. Barely even moving. Just wanting to be connected before they can’t be for a time that feels like centuries. They don’t break apart when it ends. They remain in each others space. Foreheads connecting.

They break apart. They say goodbye. A promise to text. A vow to next time.

Pj closes the door behind Chris. Resting his head on it for a second. Missing Chris until he realizes that he finally has Chris. He stands smiling, his face against the door.

He moves away.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Zoe: Phil and Louise are still here. Just come over.(16:21)

Chris had been heading to Zoe’s anyway before he got her text back.. Opting to walk. Just to think through it all. Grinning to himself. He’s going to have to get a grip of himself in the ten minutes he has left of the journey. He sends a simple response.

Chris: On my way. (16:28)

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Zoe’s younger brother Joe lets Chris into the house. Fist bumping as they greet each other. Zoe’s parents are very relaxed when it come to their children’s social lives. As long as they get good grades and they aren’t being dangerous, they can do what they want. Zoe remains to be getting A grades in all her chosen subjects so they let her live her life.

Chris walks up the stairs to Zoe’s room. He knocks before he opens the door.

The first thing he sees is Phil and Louise fully clothed sleeping on the bed. Louise below the covers. Zoe is standing to their side taking pictures. She places a finger over her mouth, telling Chris to be quiet.

Chris mouths. 'I thought they were awake?’

Zoe whispers in response 'They were.’

Chris gets an idea. Mischievously grinning. He lightly pulls on Zoe’s wrist. They go out of the room.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Phil and Louise are woken up by an electric shock. Phil attempts to shout his pain but the noise ends up being a loud tooting noise.

He has a recorder in his mouth.

He is also duct taped to a exercise ball.

Louise is duct taped to the same ball.

His headache is about four times worse.

He hears Laughter.

Of course

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Chris and Joe high five whilst Zoe records the chaos.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

It takes twice as long to get them out of the trap as it did to put them in it. Chris has to leave the room. He keeps laughing at the expression on Phil’s voice. When he has gained some composure he enters again.

'Chris what’s that on your neck?’ Louise asks.

Oh shit. Panic begins to rise in him. He tries to play it cool.

'Why this?’ Pointing to his neck. 'This is merely a flesh wound.’ Phil rips the recorder out of his mouth as his arm is freed by Zoe.

'That doesn’t look like a flesh wound.’ Phil says.

'That looks like a lovebite’ Louise adds.

'You said you were meeting a friend.’ Zoe joins.

'It’s nothing.’  Chris steps forward and picks up a piece of duct tape from the floor. He puts it over the mark 'See?’

'That doesn’t-’ Chris slams a piece of duct tape over Phil’s mouth.

The two end up chasing each other around the room whilst the others watch.

The bite is forgotten.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

They have school the next day so they leave Zoe’s house fairly early. Chris’s first lesson is English. He has it for two hours. He is having issues containing his excitement.

He takes all his mandatory lessons with Phil. Phil isn’t in of the lessons he likes such as Drama, Photography and Philosophy. Phil isn’t actually in any of the lessons he cares about. So he seems to constantly see him misbehave. He only takes the mandatory courses because he failed them the first time. He doesn’t want to let his mother down and he does need them. Phil takes English with him because he wants to. Phil didn’t do very well in Maths when he originally took it so he is retaking it with Chris. Phil loves English and is taking it because he wants to. Whilst Chris likes English and prefers it to Maths, it’s never been his favourite.

Well until recently but not for the completely morally acceptable reasons.

Phil and Chris walk home together. Laughing at each other. Discussing the day. Phil tripping and falling into the road. Chris crying in amusement but still checking on his brother. Brushing the dust of him. Phil pushing Chris to the side with his palm. Making him walk into the empty road when he makes a joke about Dan. Having decided not to lecture him.

'Chris, where did you go last night?’ Chris looks down onto the wet ground. A streetlight is reflecting off the dark tarmac. It’s oddly beautiful. Chris wishes he had his camera.

'Nowhere. Let’s get home. I’m cold’

Phil knows he’s lying. But he carries on.

Chris will tell him when he wants to. He thinks.

He hopes.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Chris wakes up when school starts. As in he is at home in bed and Phil is walking into their English class. That’s the second night in a row where he has actually been able to sleep. He is slightly amazed. Normally Chris wouldn’t rush and he’d show up an hour late. He’d make a sarky remark and get a detention. Honestly he’s getting average grades so he isn’t sure why the detention. He supposes they have standards to keep up. Plus if this school has been doing this to him since he was eleven they have no reason to stop now.

He wishes Phil had gone to a better school when he had the chance. He wishes Phil had known better and decided not to stay with him. But Phil did make some new friends in the last two years. Zoe and Louise had both come when they’d entered Year 12. If Phil had left in Year 11, he wouldn’t have met them. Plus they only really became friends with Emma and Luke in Year 12.

Still Phil is stuck in a small average school. He could have gone to a better one, because he wanted to stay with Chris. Even if that isn’t directly Chris’s fault. He still feels guilty.

He rushes. Jumping out of bed and throwing on his more casual 'smart’ clothes. He brushes his teeth, runs a comb through his hair. Grabs a breakfast bar and his bag. Puts on his white Converse All Stars, kisses his mum on the cheek and runs out the door. He accidentally slams it behind him, wincing at the loud noise.

One bus ride with large white headphones and glaring looks from elderly women later. He’s at school. He winks at the judgmental bus driver.

He can’t stop himself from feeling excited.

Pushing the door.

Walking up the stairs, nearly jogging.

Through the archway. Barely five rooms away.

Chris sees Charlie with several other eleven year olds, sitting in a classroom with the door open. There’s no teacher present. He changes his course without even thinking. .

He walks in and puts his bag on the table.

'Sup guys?’ Charlie looks up from his work. He smiles.

'Mrs Jones went to go get coffee. We’re being good. Honest.’ He quietly responds.

'Well Charlie didn’t do his homework so he wasn’t being that good.’ Another boy adds.

'I’m not sorry Hank. I got caught up. Please let me copy yours, Mr Giles will shout at me.’ Charlie is nearly silent. 'I don’t like it when people shout’.

'Let him copy your homework Hank. Or at least help him to do it quickly.’ He looks between the two boys. 'You never know when you may need his help Hank. True friends let you copy’ The boys laugh and Hank agrees to help him.

Chris strikes up a conversation with the two boys. Occasionally getting input from the four other students in the room.

Hank is very large with his hand gestures. He angrily rants about how everything is made of chemicals. As well as that all natural doesn’t mean healthy. He then moves onto talking about Firefly and Buffy The Vampire Slayer. Chris has a feeling this occurs regularly as Charlie just nods along. Chris asks Charlie about his weekend.

'It was good.’ Charlie says quietly. Hank politely waiting for him to answer.

'Aw come on. There has to be more to it then that. Any adventures? What’s new? Anything you’re proud of?’

'I got a new cat. He’s really shy but I think he’s warming up to me’ Chris smiles wondering if the boy knew why. 'He doesn’t like it when I dance.’

'No one likes it when you dance.’ Hank supplies.

'That’s mean. What’s your cat called?’

'Gideon. He was on the streets but he’s got a home now! He’s really cute. I’m definitely a cat person’

They begin to discuss cats. Chris sits in the teachers chair and opens google images.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

There’s constant laughter coming from a nearby class. Pj had been willing to ignore it but it was starting to distract his class. Chris hasn’t turned up yet but he overheard Phil saying he was still asleep. Which he thinks of fondly.

He tracks the laughter down to three classes away. He stands with his  arms crossed in the doorway. He feels a pleasant pang in his chest when he sees Chris.

Chris is sitting at the teachers desk. The eleven year olds are in hysterics. There’s a picture of a hippo sitting on a man displayed on the board.

'WHERE IS KEVIN?’ Chris shouts, putting on a slight accent. 'HE IS SUPPOSED TO BE HERE WITH MY FOOD. WHERE IS KEVIN?’ One boy falls of his chair, causing the other to laugh even harder. Pj has taught most of this class before. They are usually extremely well behaved. These are the kids that need extra help. They take more English classes and miss German instead. Of course Chris would corrupt them. 'I HAVE NOT SEEN HIM FOR DAYS.’

The boy that interrupted Chris’s isolation speaks.

'Do the one at the top ’ Chris scrolls the screen up. Hovering over a picture of a lizard.

'This one?’ Chris asks in his usual voice. The boy, Charlie, nods enthusiastically.

'It is common knowledge that many children do not choose lizards from the pet shop. So in an attempt to seem more relatable I have made a hat…out of raspberries.’ His voice deliberately hisses 'Raspberries children.’

Honestly Pj tries not to laugh.

He doesn’t succeed.

'Aren’t you all supposed to be working?’ Pj addresses the younger students in the room. Pj’s voice makes many of the younger students jump. They return to their seats and continue to work whilst restraining laughter. 'And aren’t you supposed to be in my lesson?’ Pj turns his attention to Chris.

'Yes sir!’ Chris shouts with a salute, making the younger pupils lose their restraint. He stands up and walks out of the room, winking in the direction of the class as he does so. PJ holds the door open as he spots their teacher a short distance away.

'Thank you Handsome’ She says as she ducks into her class.

'Not a problem’ He replies with a smile, he shuts the door and turns around. Chris is looking directly at him smirking.

They walk towards Pj’s classroom. Saying nothing but being completely aware of each other.

Pj can’t help himself. He never can when it comes to Chris. He looks around. Checking for people and cameras. He finds none of either. Quickly he grabs Chris’s hand, lightly squeezing it.

'I missed you.’ Pj says.  Chris blinks and smiles.

'I missed you too.’ Pj lets go of his hand and they walk into the classroom. 

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

'Hey Mr Liguori. What’s that on your neck?’ A boy near the back of the class shouts in near silence during his sixth form lesson. He is always loud, harassing women or doing something obnoxious. Pj thinks he’s compensating for either a tiny penis or a lot of homosexual urges. Pj absent mindedly places a hand over his bite marks.

'Nothing. Can you carry on with the set work please?’ Pj hears Chris’s snort of laughter. He ends up grinning too.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

The day flies past Chris. Waking up. Going into the other class. Seeing Pj. Leaving English. Other lessons. Coursework. Winding up Zoe. Winding up Emma. Winding up Luke. Winding up Phil. High fiving Louise. Working on his drama piece with Bertie and Jack. Skipping through the hallways whilst his friends cringe at him. Singing. Photography. Bunny ears.

He’s not even a hundred percent sure as to why sometimes.

He’s exhausted. Sleep deprivation is starting to seep into his bones once more. But for all the energy he’s lost, he just can’t cross over into sleep. Eyelids shut. He twists and turns under his sheets. Never quite feeling comfortable. He tries all the breathing and muscle relaxation techniques he’s been taught. He gets up to relock the door twice. He just can’t shut himself down.

He wishes Pj was sleeping next to him but he has to wait for that honor.

His phone flashes up. He rolls onto his side and leans up to read it.

Pj: You’re probably asleep. But goodnight anyway, I miss you xxxx (00:47)

Chris smiles to himself and types his answer.

Chris: Not asleep. Goodnight. I miss you too xxxx (00:48)

He sends his message and turns off his phone.

He falls back onto his pillows. He shuts his eyes. Relaxing his muscles in the rhythmical way he was taught.

He falls asleep to memories of green eyes and a dream of Pj’s arms holding him.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Tuesday is similar to Monday. Chris works hard in the subjects he loves. He feels almost full of energy. Tries to not smiles at Pj during his lessons so that no one catches on. He fails. He got almost double the sleep he normally gets the night before. He laughs, he makes other people laugh.

He doesn’t feel as heavy as he used to. The smiles feel real. He doesn’t have to fake it.

It’s almost beautiful.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

The year 8 class are watching Romeo and Juliet. Pj studied this piece for six months in his training. He’s as bored of it as everyone else in the room is.

He also keeps on seeing horrible parallels. Between this forbidden love story and the one he is currently living.

He chooses to ignore them.

The clocks ticks away. Pj’s arm begins to twitch. He hates wasting time. He wants to be doing something. Even if it’s marking the papers that he left at home. Pj watches time pass. He could be writing a script. He could be making a video. Writing poetry or a song. Making music. He could be with his friends, making memories. He could be with his family. He could be with any of the people he loves doing something he loves. He could be with Chris.

Instead he’s sat in a dark classroom. Pausing a video to make important points for the class. Which consists of either extremely bored or entirely enthralled twelve year olds. Whilst Pj loves teaching, this is one of the aspects he hates.

He grits his teeth and gets on with it. Thinking forward to his day off with his friends tomorrow. Thinking further forward to his weekend, seeing Chris. He thinks he’ll call his sister later. It’s been too long.

It’s odd what boredom does.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

He’s been at Sophie’s house for half an hour. After all the hugging they sat at a large table in the living room. All of them discussing the idea for their next video. Pj has his laptop up and running in front of him, occasionally taking notes. He gets a message on his phone. It’s from Chris.

Chris: Entertain me. (12:06)

Pj smiles. Not listening to the surroundings anymore. He looks at the time at the top the screen, rolling his eyes.

Pj: Aren’t you supposed to be halfway through a lesson right now? (12:07)

It takes Chris seconds to respond.

Chris: Maths doesn’t count. There’s a reason I failed it the first time. Plus Phil’s in a assessment, I’m alone. (12:07)

Pj shakes his head, still smiling. He begins to type a response, but is interrupted halfway through typing.

Chris: Oh fuck. Now there’s algebra. Save me Pj. (12:08)

Pj deletes his message and rewrites it.

Pj: How can I make it better? (12:08)

He waits for another message from Chris. Completely unaware of his surroundings.

Chris: Well you could ride here on a white horse and smash through the window. Then pick me up bridal side, take me to your place and have your way with me. But I’m open to artistic interpretation. (12:09)

Pj loudly snorts out laughter.

'Peej?’ Pj looks up. Realizing his actions. He begins to turn a slight shade of pink. 'You okay there?’

'Yeah, I’m fine. Sorry. What were we talking about?’ Pj slides his phone onto the table. He keeps his eyes on it until he tears them away to look at his friends. His mouth is slightly open. Jamie turns to look at Sophie who is looking at him in return. Sophie talks whilst Jamie looks on with one eyebrow raised.

'Who’s the guy Pj?’ Pj’s eyes go wide with panic. He takes a second too log to reply.

'There’s not a guy.’ Pj’s phone flashes up with another message from Chris as he says this. Automatically, he picks it up.

Chris: I’m not even joking anymore. She’s trying to get me to do line equations. This is bullshit. Save me. Like literally, you can have as much sex with me as you want. Just get me out of here. (12:10)

Pj smiles again as he reads the message. He looks up again and sees both Sophie and Jamie smirking at him.

'Yeah. There definitely isn’t a guy.’ Sophie says, voice dripping with sarcasm.

Pj looks at Sophie.

'So I was thinking that if I’m battling a hoard of shadow monsters. Why don’t I use a gun with a light on top?’

'Smooth subject change Peej. You could just use a torch to fight.’ Pj nods along and they begin to discuss the video again. Pj goes to the bathroom so he can message Chris back.

Pj: Maths really does suck. If I could be there I would be. I need to go. My friends are getting suspicious, I don’t want them getting nosy. Looking forward to the weekend. See you tomorrow xx (12:17)

Chris: That’s fair enough. I only have ten minutes of this hell left anyway looking forward to the weekend too. See you tomorrow xx (12:18)

Pj steps out of the bathroom and goes to the kitchen. They have a solid plot for the video now, so they are just going to hang out for the next couple of hours. Sophie and Jamie are in the kitchen, starting to make a dough for pizzas. Pj walks in and sits at the table. He joins the conversation. Sophie is talking about her last job. She turns to look at Pj as he laughs at Jamie who is making funny faces with the tomatoes. She is laughing too but her smile comes partially off as her eyes focus onto something.

She burrows her eyebrows together.

'Peej. What’s that on your neck?’

Shit.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Pj had gotten through the door at around eight pm. He’d eaten at Sophie’s. He’d also gotten all his marking done before he went over to hers. It was one of those rare moments that Pj Liguori, found himself with nothing to do.

He calls home. Pj had studied at the university of London. After he got his degree, he didn’t want to leave the city. It’s his home now. But the place he grew up is still a home to him too. He talks to his little sister first. She won in her last science quiz and got a B in maths. He says that he’ll take her to see the next Avengers movie. She’s squeals down the phone and Pj laughs with love in his voice. He’s proud of her.

He talks to his dad. Discussing their days. Pj still has a grin on his face. He asks if there’s a special lady in Pj’s life. Pj flinches, no longer smiling.

His parents have always wanted him to have the best life. They’re extremely old fashioned. They’ve almost planned his life out for him. He went to uni, he got great grades and made friends. He got the dream ,well-payed, job. One he loves. Now it’s obviously time, in his parents eyes, for Pj to find a wife.

Which is going to be hard seeing as he’s pretty fucking gay.

He politely says no. His dad tries to pry. Pj has gotten pretty good at shutting him down over the years.

Pj changes the subject to work. His dad rants about some stupid costumer and Pj finds himself fake laughing. Pj talks about some of the stuff that’s happened at school. His dad chuckles. He tells him he’s proud of him and passes the phone onto Pj’s mother. It’s nearly half nine now. She doesn’t keep him long and organizes a trip down to London in about four weeks. The first weekend of November. He tells her he loves her and they hang up.

Pj takes a deep breath. Pinching the top of his nose, close to his eyes.

He’s probably going to have to tell his parents. He can’t have them keep on trying to set him up with women. Which is what they’ll do. Pj can see it already.

He knows that deep down they do it because they love him. They want the best for him. Well, what they think is the best.

Pj loved uni. He loves his job. He loves his hobbies and his friends. He loves that they supported him. They helped him get here because they thought it was best for him.

Panic begins to rise in him. Dread. Guilt at not being able to be what his parents want. Fear at how they may react. Fear that he may lose them, his little sister too. The one who’s first word was his name. Oh god. He can’t lose them but he can’t be someone he’s not.

Pj begins to freak out. Bad thought, after bad thought, after nightmare. He takes a shower that’s far too hot and scorches his skin. Stepping out, he sees his own bright red skin. He turns the cold tap and chucks the icy water onto his face. Avoiding looking into the mirror. He angrily brushes his teeth. Spitting out toothpaste, he rinses out his mouth with water. Putting more cold water onto his face in an attempt to calm down. He accidentally catches his own eyes in the mirror.

They’re going to think you’re a failure. Pj thinks. That all of their hard work is going to have been useless. Other thoughts attempt to rise. Logical ones. But the hope gets slaughtered by the fear. They’ll disown you. You don’t fit the mold anymore. You’re not what they want. Why would they want you? You can’t give them grandchildren. You’re not who they think you are. You’ve lied to them you’re entire life. You’re not going to fall in love with some blonde bombshell. There’s not going to be a girl with a love for reading and maternal instinct. In fact, you’re in a kind of relationship with an eighteen year old male. Who is the class clown. Who is actually dark haired. Who actually does have maternal instinct, that’s one box he supposes. And also is very gay too. Not to mention that the whole relationship, is on some levels, kind of illegal.  _If they knew everything about you Pj. They would find you disgusting._  He convinces himself.

Tears begin to fall down Pj’s cheeks. He tries to ignore them. He runs to his bedroom. Pulling on some comfortable bottoms to sleep in. His breathing hitches. He sits himself down on the side of the bed gingerly. He begins to sob. Pulling his legs up until he’s in a ball.

_You’re a failure. A failure. You can’t be what you’re supposed to be._

_You’re a failure._

His phone flashes up. Desperate to shake the thoughts. He reads the message quickly.

Chris: Well I’ve had a fan-fucking-tastic day. You? xx (21:59)

Pj feels clogged. His face is damp. He’d gone from having a brilliant day to whatever this is. An anxiety attack? Whatever it is. He hates it. There’s only two people who could make him feel any better. One is his little sister, who with her clear logic and no bullshit attitude. Always calms Pj.

The other one scares him to admit. But he knows it’s true.

Pj: Can I call you? Please I just really need to to talk to you. (22:00)

PJ lays on his bed on his side. Still in the shape of a ball. He is extremely cold. He can’t force himself to move. The tears going down his cheeks fall hard. Pj begins to think they’ll leave permanent marks. Trails in his skin. His thoughts continue to throw themselves at him. Almost as if they are separate beings. _Failure. Useless. Wrong. Mistake._

Chris: Yeah of course. I’m in my bedroom, no one should overhear. Are you breaking up with me? (22:04)

Pj’s heart delves into a even lower level as he reads the message. How could Chris think that? God he’s fucked up.

Pj: No. Never. (22:04)

Pj rolls over. His sobs have become silent. He feels like more of a wreck inside.

Pj: I just need to hear your voice. (22:05)

Pj’s phone begins to ring and he picks up straight away.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

'Hey’ Pj can hear how his voice sounds,it wavers and is pitched. His breath hitches again.

'Shit. Peej are you crying?’ The concern pushes Pj over the line again. He begins to sob.

'It’s just-’ A breath forced out of his body 'I can’t-’ He can barely control himself.

'Shush’ Chris’s voice is calming. Chris sits up from where he was laying in bed 'It’s okay. It’s okay. Peej you’ll be okay. Just tell me what happened okay? Deep breaths, tell me what happened. I’m here’

Pj tries to calm himself down. He feels hot but his skin is cold.

'I just-I-I had a really good day. So I-I called home. And-And…’

'Okay. It’s okay. You don’t have to tell me anything else if it makes things worse-’

'No. I mean. It doesn’t’ Pj takes a deep breath, like Chris told him to. 'I called and I talked to my sister.’ Chris can hear fondness in Pj’s voice. He smiles at it. 'You’d like my sister. Lots of fire. Doesn’t take any of my shit’

'She’s sounds great.’ Chris props himself up against a wall. 'What’s her name?’

'Poppy, she’s fifteen. Going on twenty.’ Pj huffs out a singular laugh. 'She always makes me happy when I’m upset. She’s my little sister, I love her.’

'Poppy and Pj Liguori. Cute. Why didn’t you call her?’ Chris asks.

'I couldn’t. It wouldn’t be fair to her. And I didn’t want to talk to her. I wanted you.’ The happiness in Pj’s voice that the memory of his sister put there is gone. It leaves as quickly as it arrived.

'I really don’t want to ask. But why wouldn’t it be fair?’ Chris hates that Pj is upset. He should be trying to make him laugh. Distracting him or something. Instead he knows that right now, it’s important that he knows what’s wrong. He can help that way. He wants to help Pj more than anything.

'My dad-’ Chris’s heart sinks. He knows it shouldn’t but it does.

It always does when someone talks about their father.

'My dad and my mum. They have these plans for Poppy and I.’ The heaviness in Chris’s heart lifts. It’s not what happened to him. Thank anyone. Pj didn’t go through that. No one ever should. Chris is curious.

'Plans?’

'Like- they want us to get our dream jobs. Go to university.’ Pj snorts 'I think they want Poppy to be a doctor.’

'And they didn’t want you to be a teacher?’ Pj shakes his head even though Chris can’t see it.

'No, they always supported me in that. They’re proud of me so far. It’s just now I’ve done all of that. They’ve put me onto the next step.’ Pj sounds close to tears again. Chris is getting more and more confused.

So Pj’s parents are perfectionists. Overall, they seem fairly proud of Pj and Pj doesn’t seem too messed up. He’s definitely the more messed up one of the two of them, is what he means by that. Though that isn’t much of a competition. The fact that Pj is dating his student could be considered as messed up. Chris elects to ignore that.

'What’s the next step Peej?’ The cold air of the room touches Chris. He’s scared. He knows he shouldn’t be but when it comes to fucked up parenting. He’s the fucking class example.

'Find a wife’ And the pieces slot into place.

Pj isn’t out of the closet.

'Well shit’ Chris nearly kicks himself. Always the eloquent one.

'You can say that again.’

'So they don’t know that-’

'That I’m gay? No, I never could tell them.’ Pj starts to cry again. 'I never wanted to fucking let them down. I was supposed to live the life they wanted me to live. I was supposed to be happy. They’re going to think I’m a failure. They’re going to disown me. Poppy won’t want to speak to me anymore. It’s just not the way they want me to be. I know it.’ Pj is nearly sobbing. Rambling out all this self hatred. 'They’re going to hate me. I’m going to be nothing to them. I’m going to lose them-’

'Pj. Shut up.’ Chris breaths out. 'I’m not being mean but you need to stop. Okay, do this with me okay?’ Pj croaks on the other end of the line.

'Okay’

'Alright breath in. Count to six and breath out okay?’ He hears Pj breath in and breath out. 'And again.’ He regulates Pj’s breathing until he’s stopped downright sobbing. 'Okay. That’s good. Now do you have any like decaffeinated tea? Herbal or something?’

'Only about ten different kinds.’ Chris lets out a huff of amusement of just how Pj that is.

'Of course you do. Go make yourself a cup. Keep me on the line though, don’t leave me somewhere.’

'I wouldn’t dream of it’ Pj uncurls himself. He launches himself off the bed and begins to walk towards his kitchen.

'What teas have you got?’ Pj opens the cupboard. Leaning down he reads the labels out loud to Chris.

'Normal. Green. Mint. Nettle. Chamomile. Peppermint. Licorice. Rose petal. ’ Pj places his hand on one box, twisting it to find that it doesn’t have a label. 'And one red one that I don’t remember buying.’ He can smell a faint scent from the box. 'I think it’s strawberry. Sophie must have bought it.’

'Have the chamomile. Who’s Sophie?’ Pj flicks the kettle on.

'Sophie’s a friend from university. She’s a makeup artist now. I saw her today, we’re planning our next video.’ Pj puts a teabag in a cup. Almost forgetting the original reason as to why he’s talking to Chris. He walks over the the tap. He washes his face with one hand.

'You make videos?’ The kettle boils.

'Yep. We started in first year in uni. We tell stories and stuff. We post them to my youtube channel. We’re not famous or anything but our fans really love what we do and we love what we do. So we just never stopped.’ Pj laughs to himself. The sound is like music to Chris.

'What’s your channel called?’ Pj finishes making his tea.

'Oh no.’ Chris hears the clink of a spoon from Pj’s end.

'Well you can’t just say it and then not tell me’ Pj sighs. Chris has a feeling that he rolls his eyes too.

'KickthePj’ Pj says begrudgingly.

'There, that wasn’t too hard. I’ll look you up sometime.’ Pj interrupts him.

'Please don’t, it’s embarrassing’

'Well now I definitely have to.’ Pj sighs again. 'You made your tea yet?’

'Yes. I’m heading to bed.’

'You washed and everything?’ There’s still lots of concern present in Chris. His bed stand is digging into his back. He can’t bring himself to move.

'Yeah. Why?’ Pj is confused. His eyes are red and still a bit puffy. But he’s not crying anymore.

'I’m just going through everything that calms me down when I’m having a bad night.’

'I wish I could help you when you’re having one.’ Pj whispers as he climbs back into bed.

'No one can.’ Chris smiles to himself in his cold room. It’s an empty smile. Faking it, even for himself. Pj is silent for a second. He looks out of the window, into the stars.

'I wish you would at least tell me why you have them.’ Chris lets out one singular laugh.

'Let’s just say that my parents messed me up more than yours ever could.’ Chris attempts to sound humorous. Large, full of life. He trails off at the end of the sentence. Even he can hear how he sounds, scared.

Pj instantly regrets asking. He can hear the pain there. He’s seen the marks that cover Chris. He doesn’t like loud noises. He’s horribly, impulsively protective. Pj is starting to connect the dots. But how he wishes he didn’t see the picture.

'I know that if I say I’m sorry, that you’ll tell me it’s not my fault.’ Chris nods without realizing.

'Yeah I will. People always fucking say that to me. My parents are dead, you didn’t kill them. You have nothing to be sorry for. No one does-’

'But Chris. Whatever happened to you. Whatever it was. It shouldn’t have happened. If I say I’m sorry, it’s because that should never happen. It’s because I should have stopped it from happening to you.’

Chris doesn’t breathe. He holds his breath in. No one has ever said anything like that. At least to him.

'Have you drank your tea yet?’ Pj laughs a little at the unexpected response.

'No.’

'Drink your damn tea.’ Pj laughs again. Chris hears Pj slurp on the other end of the phone. 'You couldn’t have stopped it, for the record. You don’t need to be sorry, in any way.’

'That’s not going to stop me Chris.’ Chris begins to lay back down in bed. He smiles, it’s real.

'I know.’

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Pj wakes up to his alarm in the morning. His phone is still in his hand. He moves his thumb to flick off his alarm. He has two messages on his phone.

Chris: You fell asleep whilst on the phone to me. Goodnight, see you tomorrow xx (23:46)

Chris: Actually it’s probably going to be tomorrow when you see this. Good morning xx (23:54)

Pj groans into his mattress. He’s exhausted. His neck hurts. He laughs despite it.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Pj only has classes in the morning for a Thursday. Seeing as he doesn’t have any the following morning either. Normally he gets someone from isolation in his classroom in the afternoon. Pj doesn’t mind, someone has to keep an eye on them. Usually, without all of the other people there, the misbehavior doesn’t continue. The pupil is usually nice and they can have conversations. It’s become something interesting. He even looks forward to it. He doesn’t remember any of the times as fondly as his time with Chris. However they are all interesting. They give him perspective.

His first class is torture but with a large amount of hot black coffee, he gets through it.

Then he has his two year 10 classes, both of whom are doing controlled assessments. His first is doing creative writing, which is the thing he loves teaching most. The second are covering Of Mice and Men, which is a brilliant book. Pj thoroughly enjoys both lessons. But he is glad for the break between them.

Then it’s lunch break, he’s on duty this week. So he walks around the school. Scoping for smokers or worse. He doesn’t actually tell anybody off. If anything he lectures them. What’s the point in just making things more difficult for people? Pj would rather try and guide students in the right direction. He doesn’t want them to resent him for making them waste hours of their lives.

He hears a scream from around the corner.

'CHRIS YOU PRICK!’ He hears extreme laughter. As well as a loud stream of swear words.

He starts to make his away around the corner.

'GIVE IT BACK!’ A single female voice.

'His eyes. My god. His sexy eyes.’ Definitely his Chris.

'I DIDN’T EVEN WRITE THAT!’ She sounds dismayed. Which if he knows Chris is just going to make him do it more. It’s like when you ignore a bully, if you don’t give them attention. They go away.

'I wish I could jump him’

'CHRIS FOR FUCKS SAKE.’ Other voices are joining in. Pj thinks he hears Phil.

'Sadly he’s a bit more interested in cock at the moment than-’

'CHRIS!’ A loud chorus of voices discourage him.

Pj finally makes it around the corner.

'Okay I’ll stop jeez’ The group haven’t spotted him. They sit dotted on the stairs outside the Languages department. Luke sits with his arm around Emma. Phil is perched just above Zoe and Louise, who share a step. Chris has his back to him, he stands on the bottom step. The arrangement puts him at the center of attention. Like a stage. Chris hops up one step, leans forward and returns the book in his hand to Emma. Emma opens it to the page Chris was on.

'For the record.’ She shows the book to the rest of the group. 'This bit’s blank.’

'Keep telling yourself that.’ Pj can see from here that he taps the side of his nose. He turns to Phil. He whispers loudly 'Invisible ink.' 

Pj speaks making the group jump. The smile on Chris’s face grows into a grin as he turns and realizes it’s Pj.

'I believe that for invisible ink to work, there needs to be sunlight. And as you can see’ He looks up to the cloudy sky. 'It’s extremely overcast.’ Chris slips into his gentle banter.

'Ah but you see Sir. It's specialized British invisible ink. Developed by scientists, for use in all weathers.’

'I think that’s called ink Chris.’ Phil supplies. Chris turns his attention to him. The two look at each other. Chris turns away.

'Traitor’.

'Truther’.

The group laugh at the two brothers. Pj can’t see how he didn’t see it in the first place. Pj chuckles. He does however have to do his job.

'Anyway. Could you guys monitor the language? Eleven year olds running around the place.’  Pj rolls his eyes for comedic effect. 'Have to remain professional and all.’

'Says the one that made a Katy Perry joke on his first day’ Chris smirks at him.  Pj raises his eyebrows.

'That’s the height of professionalism. Thank you very much’.

'Do we even need to bring up the party?’ Zoe says quietly. Pj turns around to face her.

'I wouldn’t do that in school. I thought we agreed not to talk about that?’ Pj says with concern starting to edge in. He could really do with not getting fired.

'Talk about what?’ Luke asks. Him and Emma obviously confused.

'Tell you later’ Chris quickly replies. Much to Pj’s distaste. Chris winks at him and Pj rolls his eyes.

'Can we just not with the swearing? I don’t ask for much.’

'Of course Mr Liguori.’ Phil speedily says as Chris opens his moth.

'Anything Sir.’ Chris salutes dramatically. Pj sighs.

Pj bids a farewell to the group and returns to his classroom. Answering a few emails. He hears the school bell ring for the students fourth lessons. He breaths out. Relaxing himself, trying to rid himself of tension. He squeezes the bridge of his nose and closes his eyes which are beginning to sting. He tries to think happy thoughts. They slowly become dreams for the weekend. His days been fine but he’s just getting worn out. There’s an hour and a half until he can get home. He finds himself wishing Chris was there. Just so that he could feel his arms wrapped around him. Breath him in. Listen to his words. Truly relax.

Is this love?

Pj thinks it could be. It feels strong. He wants to be the best he can be, for Chris. He wants to be the best he can be with Chris. Sleep next to him again. Sleep with him again. Make him coffee. Eat strawberries. Pick him up when he’s down. All the little things. It’s only been a month since he met him. Not even been a week since whatever they are began. It’s only been a month since they met. Not even a week since whatever they are began. Is that too fast? Or is that just right?

Pj is confused. The confusion is blissful. He’s happy with Chris. He can wait. He can do anything for the boy with the grin, wisecracks and laugh. He can do anything for the boy that is caring, considerate and loving.

So is it love?

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………  

Pj’s trail of thought is interrupted by a new email. Smiling to himself he opens the email from Violet.

Ever since Chris’s isolation, he checks the pupil.

He doesn’t think he’s ever been as confused about a name as he is this time.

_Philip Lester?_

_……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………_

Phil feels choked up. Like tears are caged behind his eyes and trapped behind his throat. But he can’t let himself cry. It’s just an isolation. Chris gets them all the time.  _You’re going to be fine. You did the right thing_. Mum won’t mind, neither will Dad. Chris will probably make some jokes.  _It’ll be fine._

Phil is sitting by himself at a table. Twiddling his thumbs. Violet told him that he was going to spend his isolation in English. She told him explicitly how this would work. He would go straight to his isolation tomorrow morning. Seeing as this was his first one. It wouldn’t go on his permanent record.  Which is good he supposes. She tried to talk to him. Obviously knowing him as Chris’s brother. They talked for a while. Conversation sort of dying out, leaving Phil here to panic.

He doesn’t know what came over him.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Pj tries to get Phil to talk but he won’t return the conversation. He does however get him to laugh at some of his jokes. He still looks visibly upset. Pj doesn’t ask why he got the isolation. Feeling that Phil will tell him if he wants to. Phil sits down at a table central of the room. A battered yellowing book is on the table in front of him. Phil occasionally reaches forward and gently turns the pages. Pj doesn’t believe that he is actually reading it.

There’s a quiet knock at the door. Pj moves to see who it is but the door begins to open.

'Phil?…’ Chris pokes his head around the corner.

'Chris.’ Phil smiles as he says the name. The smile turns sour on his lips. Chris makes his way over with a determined stride. Phil stands. Restrained tears begin to fall down his cheeks.

'Aw Philly.’ Chris wraps his arms around his brother. 'Don’t cry.’ Phil rests his head on Chris’s shoulder. Chris reassuringly rubbing his back. He looks at Pj over his shoulder and smiles.'You’re going to be fine. They won’t even put this on your record. Mr Liguori is nice. You’re not spending time with anyone horrible. You’re going to be A-Okay’ Phil sniffles 'You shouldn’t have reacted you silly pup. I could have dealt with them.’ Phil pulls away from Chris. For the first time, Pj takes a proper note of their small height difference. Phil slightly towering above Chris. Phil wipes his nose with the back of his hand.

'You shouldn’t have to Chris’. Chris huffs out a laugh.

'Yeah well sir didn’t have to give you an isolation for sticking up for me .’ Chris looks slightly up to the left. 'Though that might be my fault. I think he has a grudge against me.’ Phil frowns.

'That’s no still excuse for ignoring them.’ Chris reaches up to pat down Phil’s hair. 'They shouldn’t be calling you things like that.’ Chris smiles and shakes his head.

'They’re on the football team Phil. They can get away with anything. Besides, it’s okay. I can take it. I’ve got a thick skin.’

'You shouldn’t have to take it Chris. No one should.’

'Better me than you Philly.’ Chris attempts to place a hand on Phil’s shoulder. Phil bats it away.

'That’s… so  _stupid_ Chris.’ Phil puts emphasis onto stupid. 'You don’t have to protect me.’ Chris speaks in a harsh tone in response. Glaring at Phil whilst he talks.

'What I mean is that I know how to deal with the shit a lot better than you. I’m a lot less innocent.’ Chris point at the door aggressively. 'If those pricks, found out that you liked guys and girls too. They’d rip you apart.’ Chris moves his finger to point at Phil. 'So yes, I am going to protect you. Because words that just bounce off me hurt you. I would protect any of our friends the same way. I just got myself an isolation too, for sticking up for you.’ Chris lowers his finger determinedly.

'Chris-’ Phil attempts to defuse the situation. Chris speedily interrupts him.

'Yeah. Maybe I do look out for you more than the others. That’s because you’re my brother. I love you Phil. And you do this thing where you’re almost in two worlds. It’s kind of beautiful. I will do anything in my power to make sure you stay able to jump between your world and this one.’

'Chris-’

'And yeah. There’s probably a large part of me that wants to protect you because of how you protected me. When we were little.’ Phil’s eyes go wide.

'Chris. You never have to-’

'Never have to what? Pay you back for that’ Phil nods. The anger in Chris’s voice melts away into affection. 'Phil…how am I meant to feel like I don’t have to? You gave me everything when I had nothing. When I had less than nothing. Of course I feel like I have to protect you most. Because you’re my funny odd brother. And I feel like I have to protect anybody who needs it. There’s a lot of things you could say about that. But that’s just me.’ Chris places a hand on Phil’s shoulder. Phil lets him keep it there. 'I don’t do it because I think you’re breakable or some bullshit. I do it 'cus I love you. Okay?’ Phil nods. He moves his arms, pulling his brother into an embrace. The two then detach.

Pj who has been watching the whole time with a large sense of curiosity. Decides that now is probably the time to remind the two brothers that he is actually in the room. He coughs loudly. Making Phil jump. Chris simply turns around and smiles at him. Shaking his head slightly.

'So exactly where are you supposed to be right now Chris?’

Phil sits back down in his seat, whilst Chris sits on the desk in front of him.

'I’m supposed to be with Mr Woodward, but I actually found some busty porn mags in his desk when I was in year 9. He has no power over me at all.’ Phil looks dismayed by this information. 'If I don’t report him, he doesn’t report me. He’s a good teacher though. He definitely learnt from his mistake. It was more fun when he used to actually teach me, but I don’t take physics anymore.’ Chris turns and dramatically sighs at Phil. He slightly raises a hand and ruffles Phil’s hair. 'Not smart enough to take science at sixth form.’ Phil still looks slightly like an animal caught in headlights.

'What subjects did you take?’ Pj asks. 

'I was forced to take some English and Maths because I need them for drama things, Phil takes English because he actually wants to. Also they force everyone to take religious education.’ Chris mimics speech marks around the last two words. 'This thing I’m doing with my fingers by the way’. He does the gesture again. 'Means bullshit.’ Pj laughs despite himself. 'I took Drama, Photography, and Philosophy.’ Chris turns his head to face Phil who is looking up at him. 'And that joke is so obvious that I’m not even going to make it.’

Phil frowns. 

'What?’

'Come on Phil’ Chris nods as he says the words

'I don’t get it’ Phil shakes his head slowly. Chris rolls his eyes.

'Say it with me.’ Phil looks extremely confused ' _Phil_ -losophy.’

' _Phil_ -losophy?’ Phil says slowly, trickling through the syllables. It clicks, smiling suddenly. 'Oh, I get it. My name.’ Chris rolls his eyes and shakes his head at Pj. He points a thumb at Phil.

'See what I have to put up with?’

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Chris ends up sitting on that desk for the next hour. Gently conversing with his brother and his secret lover, by all accounts it should be awkward, but it isn’t. Of course they both get along, Chris has a type.

He zones out for a second. He thinks about Phil, and what he said earlier. He thinks about Pj, and whether this is love, he thinks it could be. When he comes back too, Phil and Pj are discussing The Legend Of Zelda, neither having realized he wasn’t present. He listens to them both, laughing at and with them.

He realizes something whilst looking at the two of them.

This is where he belongs. 

He looks at Pj’s wide smile.  

He laughs at Phil’s slight giggle.

Yeah.

This is where he belongs right now. And this is good.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Chris also joins them the next morning. They end up actually doing the English homework together with Pj’s help. Chris can’t help himself from lingering on Pj’s slight touches, just a finger tip on the back of a hand, legs slightly pressed into each other.

Pj doesn’t pull away.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Chris leaves his pen behind in Pj’s classroom 'by accident’. He pretends to realize halfway down the corridor. He swears once, tells Phil where he’s going, and tells him he’ll catch up. With a skip in his step, he returns to the classroom.

It takes about thirty seconds for Pj to push him up against a wall. Dancing tongues and biting lips. Chris can taste coffee in Pj’s mouth and smell his faint cologne. Pj pulls away.

'I really didn’t mean to do that.’ Chris puts both of his hands on the back of Pj’s neck. He brings him down to kiss him again. Colliding lips and repressed urges. This time Chris breaks away.

'Me neither.’ Pj laughs at him. Chris begins to quickly walk back to his desk to collect his biro. He places it in his shirt pocket and returns to Pj.

'Tomorrow?’ Chris asks. His hazel eyes staring into Pj’s green ones. Pj leans down to press a kiss to Chris’s lips.

'Tomorrow’

 …………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Pj and Chris stayed up most of the night texting. Chris is even more exhausted then he is normally, the excitement of seeing Pj is overriding it.

Though there’s also a large amount of nervousness. He’s supposed to get to Pj’s in about half an hour and it’ll take him twenty minutes to walk there. He has about ten minutes left at home. He’s packed a bag with some spare underwear and a toothbrush in. He’s got himself and everything ready. He’s had a shower. He has nothing left in these ten minutes to do, except pace the length of his room.

He turns around mid stride. Opening the zip of his bag and getting out his over ear headphones. He places them on and goes to his first playlist. He begins to pace the room again, with the music playing loudly in his ears. He isn’t sure when he starts smiling. His walking slows down. He checks the time. Five minutes before he’s out the door. Not even an hour before he sees Pj.

Pj.

He starts strumming an air guitar along with the fast song,  nearly tripping over his school bag, he laughs at himself.

The nerves melt away.

He gets his backpack and throws one strap over his shoulder. He slightly shifts his headphones, so he can hear out of one ear. He walks to the door. He looks back, double checking his room. He finds nothing and shuts the door behind him as he walks out. Running down the stairs, Mr Lester is in the living room, alone watching TV. Chris pulls his headphones down so they rest around his neck.

'I’m going out dad. I shouldn’t be back tonight.’ Mr Lester looks up at Chris. Chris and Phil are nineteen now. The rule is that they can do what they like as long as they’re respectful, and that they stay safe. Both the boys keep consistent grades, neither of them have done anything stupid yet, so this hasn’t changed.

'Message us later so we know you’re okay. Is Phil going with you?’ There’s an added bonus to the two being best friends, they normally keep each other safe. Mr Lester is surprised when Chris shakes his head in response.

'No. Just me.’ Chris states. 

Mr Lester frowns. 'Oh. Okay then. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t.’ Chris’s adoptive father grins up at him.

'I won’t.’ Chris smiles and goes around the corner. He opens the door to leave.  'Bye!’

'Have fun!’ Chris’s father shouts in response.

Chris walks out the door and shuts it behind him. The noise makes him jump. He walks down the steps, pulls his headphones back onto his ears and breaths in the fresh air. He makes his way to Pj’s.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Phil runs down the stairs. He jumps down the last two. He spots his father watching TV, he thinks it’s Cash In The Attic. Phil sighs.

'Hey Dad. Where’s Chris?’ Phil’s father looks up at him. The same pair of blue eyes meeting.

'Chris left about ten minutes ago. You don’t know where he’s going?’ Phil shakes his head. Mr Lester's eyes widen. 'Oh well. He can take care of himself.’ His father widely smiles, the right side of his face slightly higher. 'Strong one our Chris is.’

Phil smiles back. He walks into the kitchen, gets a glass of water and walks back up the stairs with his shoulders slightly slumped.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

A small amount of cold sunshine is casting tiny shadows onto the path beside Chris. He’s five minutes away from the place that he’s been aching to be since he left it. His shirt is a light pastel green. 'Cherry Wine’ by Hozier is playing into his ears. He has an out of body experience in that second. Wishing, once more, that he had his camera. He wishes those shutters could take a shot of how he feels, that he could feel this whenever he wanted to feel it. He’s never felt it before and he never wants it to go away.

It’s beautiful.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Pj hears that gentle rhythmical knock at the door.

Chris.

He runs through his apartment, pulling the door open forcefully. Breathing deeply. He looks at Chris and Chris looks back. They stare into each other eyes. Pj melts inside. Chris begins to laugh. Pj doesn’t know why.

Pj never could resist that laugh. He reaches out for Chris’s hand, taking it and pulling Chris into the apartment, which makes Chris laugh even more, then Pj is too.

They’re both messes. They prefer being messy together.

Pj shuts the door. Chris begins to calm down. Pj turns and wraps his arms around Chris, pulling him in and holding him there. Inhaling his scent. Feeling him warmth. Calming his nerves. Chris puts his face into Pj’s chest, blocking out the world.

'Hey’ Chris murmurs into Pj.

'Hey’ Pj says into the top of Chris’s head. His eyes closed.

He hadn’t realized how on edge he’d been since Wednesday. He hadn’t realized how much he wanted Chris just next to him.

He isn’t sure what they are. It’s most definitely good though.

The sunlight brightens, coming through the window, cutting the room with the shadows caused by the panels. Chris pulls away from Pj first, pushing himself up slightly on his toes. He gives him one quick kiss on the lips before leaning down again.

'You okay?’ Chris asks Pj, looking into his eyes. Pj understands the double meaning.

'Honestly?’ He looks at Chris. Chris nods once, solemnly. 'No. No. I’m not.’ Chris nods again. He reaches up to cup the side of Pj’s face.

'Your parents?’ Chris inquires. Pj nods. Chris moves the hand from Pj’s cheek to the back of his head. Leaning up again to hug him. Pj deeply exhales into Chris’s shoulder. Chris puts his other hand on the small of Pj’s back, rubbing reassuring circles. Pj moves his arms further around Chris, pulling him closer in, humming with content at the feeling of it all. Pj clears his throat.

'Are you?’ Chris doesn’t pull away.

'Am I what?’ Chris responds.

'Okay?’

Chris moves slightly so that their foreheads are touching. Removing his hand from Pj’s back. They look into each others eyes.

'I’m as okay as I ever am.’ He interlocks his fingers with Pj’s.

'Is that a good thing?’ Chris smiles.

'It’s better than a kick in the face’ Chris responds smiling. Pj’s eyes brighten, smiling too. He moves forward to connect their mouths once more. He wants to feel the pressure of Chris again, to remind himself that he’s there. Chris doesn’t disappoint, pushing him up against the wall behind him. He lets go of Pj’s hand to caress his face. He tongues along Pj’s lip, asking for entrance. Which Pj grants. Pj shuts his eyes to get the full feeling. Chris keeps his open. He notices a misplaced curl of Pj’s hair. Raising a hand, he pushes it back. Pj growls lightly, Putting more intensity into the kiss.

Pj delicately bites on Chris’s lip, Chris moans. Chris pulls away from the kiss. He tugs on Pj’s hair, moving his head to the side, exposing his neck. Chris places one peck of his lips there, then another. He starts to leave marks on purpose. It’s beginning to occur to him that he has a thing for marking up Pj, he elects to ignore it. He drags his teeth over a sensitive piece of skin. Much to Pj’s pleasure. Their breathing becomes irregular.

Pj takes a deep breath in 'B-Bedroom.’ Chris pulls away from his neck. His arousal having grown. He nods. Pj grabs his hand and practically pulls Chris to the bedroom. Whilst Chris laughs at how needy he’s made him. Pj begins to remove his shirt, sitting on the edge of the bed whilst Chris closes the door.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Chris isn’t a hundred percent sure where the time went.

Well he is.

He was fucking Pj.

But still. It was around three pm when he got here and it’s nearly six now.  Chris hadn’t brought anything to sleep in so Pj had let him borrow some pyjama bottoms. Chris had tried to put the shirt on that he arrived in, but he couldn’t find it.

Pj is laying on the bed wearing Chris's shirt. With a smug expression plastered onto his face.

Chris looks at him to ask if he’s seen it. His mouth opens. He shuts it, glaring at Pj who is laughing.

'Before you ask you are not getting it back. You look much better without it’ Chris rolls his eyes at him. He spots something on Pj’s chest of drawers. He walks over to it.

'Peej are these glasses?’ Pj shrugs.

'Yeah. I don’t need them all the time. Just for reading.’ Chris picks them up. He throws them onto the bed next to Pj.

'Put them on.’ Chris commands. His tone goes straight to Pj’s cock. Again.

Seriously. He’s not sure if he’d going to be able to walk properly for a while.

He does as Chris says. Chris’s eyes widen, looking up and down the whole of Pj’s body. He pushes his chest forward.

'You are wearing those next time we fuck.’ Chris’s orders. Pj bites his lip.

'If you carry on like this. I might not take them off.’  Chris smirks at him.

'Good.’ Chris makes his way to the bed. He pushes Pj back onto the sheets.

'There are handcuffs and stuff in my drawer ya know.' Pj murmurs, reaching up to kiss Chris's neck. 

Chris smirks. 'Brilliant.'

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

It’s nearly half seven now. Chris has no idea where that time went either.

Well except on a second round of sex.

To be honest, Pj in glasses? Does anyone blame him?

The handcuffs were fucking hot. They’re doing that again. Maybe next time Pj’s naughty…

They decide they actually have to eat today.They end up cooking pizza in the oven. Chris argues that they’ve both done a lot of exercise. Which isn’t necessarily untrue. They watch a movie which Chris has never seen whilst drinking herbal teas. Pj lends him a shirt.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

They don’t have a third round of sex. Simply choosing instead to stay up until three am watching movies and then go to bed. Pj puts the chair against the door for Chris. Chris double checks it and they climb into bed together.

Pj lies on his side, his head resting on Chris now bare chest. Occasionally he presses his lips to one of Chris’s scars. Chris lies on his back. Slightly turned onto his side, but not enough to disturb Pj. Just enough so that he can rest his head on top of Pj’s. Whispered murmurs of sweet dreams.

Pj falls asleep first.

His deep even breathing is what Chris counts to get him to sleep.

It’s the best sleep Chris has had in years.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Leaving is as painful as last time. The walk home making him feel more empty with each step. Phil asks him where he’s been and who’s shirt is he wearing. Pj kept his and he kept Pj’s. He says that it is one of his older ones and changes the subject. He spots his brother and father exchange looks and elects to ignore it. Talking to his mother instead.

He doesn’t sleep as well that night. Toxic threat of nightmares keeping him awake. A message from Pj is one of the few things that actually get him to rest. One of the others is the knowledge that he’ll see him tomorrow.

The main comfort, as always, is that what’s dead can’t hurt Chris.

He can’t hurt Chris anymore.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

It’s Wednesday now. Zoe’s parents are going away for the weekend. Zoe decides to have a gathering of friends.  It’s not going to be a massive raging party. It’s just going to be people Chris knows and gets along with. Chris is really looking forward to it. He knows that the two siblings have plans and it should be great.

The problem being that Zoe expects him to stay the night. He has no intention of doing this. He intends to leave at around eleven, it kicks off at six so he doesn’t feel bad, and go to Pj’s.

He isn’t sure how he’s going to manage it. Pj knows he’s going to be later. He’s expecting him. He doesn’t mind too much. They have the whole of the end of October break if they want it. As long as he’s not there too much and Phil doesn’t get too curious.

In the end. Chris decides it’s 'a problem for future me and that he’ll figure it out at the time.

He tries to get some sleep away from Pj. He doesn’t get as much sleep as he got when he’s sleeping next to Pj, but not as little as he got the Sunday after. He doesn’t have nightmares at least.

Overall, it’s an average night.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Phil insists that they go to Zoe’s early, much to Chris’s disgust.

'Do we really have to Phil?’ Phil throws one of Chris’s nicer shirts at him. He had been trying to find his light green one but he couldn’t find it. He settled for one of Chris’s bright purple ones. Chris always says that’s a benefit of having hazel eyes, everything works.

'Yes Chris. They’re our friends.’ Phil sits on the edge of the bed whilst Chris changes, looking away to give him some privacy. He hears Chris sigh. 'Oh come on. It’s going to be fun.’ Chris rolls his eyes and runs a comb through his hair.

'Do I look okay?’ Chris turns to Phil, both arms slightly lifted to the side, as if he was trying to receive the holy spirit or something. Phil is unsure as to where that simile came from. He needs to read some more recent literature. Phil looks him over.

'You look fine. Come on’. Phil leaves the room and begins to walk down the stairs. Chris pulls on some white trainers, grabbing the bag he packed yesterday, throwing his headphones in. He runs after him, slightly tripping on the way.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

The air outside feels weird. Chris thinks. He can’t quite place a finger onto why or how but it does. He tries to forget about it. He’s probably just being paranoid. Phil spots Emma and Luke walking hand in hand on the other side of the road. Chris pushes it to the back of his mind. He pretends to throw up at sight of the couple instead.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

'Let the games begin!’ Zoe shouts as Louise walks into the house. She’s the last of the sibling’s friends to arrive. In total, there is nine teenagers in the house including the Suggs. Chris, Phil, Louise, Emma and Luke being Zoe’s friends. All of whom are in year 13.  Caspar and Alfie are there for Joe. The three of them being in year 12. Marcus being unable to make it. They all know each other so there is no apparent awkwardness.

'What’s the plan Zoe?’ Chris asks whilst clapping his hands together. He sits between Alfie and Phil. The whole group are sat in the living room.

In an answer, Zoe puts two bottles on the table. As well as a variety of plastic cups.

'Good question Chris. We’re going to start the evening with one of my games-’

'We’re playing mine next!’ Joe quickly interjects. Zoe glares at him.

'We’re going to play 'Never Have I Ever’. Does everyone know how to play?’ The majority of the group nods. Leaving only Phil and Caspar to shake their heads. Emma starts to explain.

'Basically, Someone will say something like never have I ever…’

'Bummed a hamster’ Luke interrupts.

'Someone will say something like never have I ever bummed a hamster. and if you have bummed a hamster, you have to drink. You can’t have done the thing you say. If you haven’t bummed a hamster, you don’t drink the alcohol.’ Emma turns to Zoe. 

'Non-Drinkers drink from the second bottle. It’s lemonade. I’m drinking from that one. Anyone else?’

Chris and Emma raise their hands.  Zoe begins to pour liquid from both bottles into enough glasses for everyone.

'Okay lets start!’ Joe shouts.

'Me first.’ Zoe says with enthusiasm, clapping the tip of her fingers together. 'Never have I ever…’ Zoe puts a finger on the side of her mouth and looks up to the left.

'Don’t mentally scar me Zoe.’  Joe says, concerned. Zoe smirks, looking at Louise.

'Never have I ever flashed someone.’ The group look around the table when realizing they don’t have to drink.

Louise sighs and drinks.

So does Caspar.

Chris thinks Phil is a little shocked that Chris didn’t actually have to drink.

'Okay that could have been worse.’ Joe says. 'Me next.’  He hums as well. He looks at Emma and Luke.

'Never have I ever had sexual thoughts about anyone in the room.’

The couple look at each other and drink their drinks.

Alfie looks at the floor and downs his drink. Everyone at the table looks at him with shock. Chris decides to save him, he downs his drink as well.

'Told you we’d regret having sex Alfie. It’s truly a shame that we’re both so hot.’ Alfie starts laughing. 'CHALFIE EVERYONE!’ Chris puts his arm around Alfie. The group dissolve into confused laughter anyway.

Alfie whispers 'Thanks Chris.’

'Not a problem.’ He removes his arm from his shoulder.

'Well that was interesting. Louise’s turn next.’ The group turn to Louise.

'Hmm…Never have I ever… had sex with someone.’

The majority of the group have to drink, only leaving Louise and Phil with a full cup for their next time.

Zoe looks conflicted. She then grabs another drink and downs it. Joe looks at his sister with mild horror and confusion.

'I lied about the sexual thoughts one. I don’t just have a lot of sex.’ Zoe’s words sink in. Her eyes remain glued to the floor as well. Her arms are crossed.

Does Chris have to save everyone?

'She can’t resist me either.’ Chris says with a wink aimed at Zoe. The mood of the group lightens. It’s Phil’s turn. He recognizes his opportunity and is determined to not waste it.

'Never have I ever… lied to my best friend.’ Much to Phil’s dismay, the only person at the table that doesn’t drink is Caspar. He gets glared at by Joe.

'That one can’t count. Phil has to have lied to Chris before.’ Caspar says to Joe. Phil thinks back through his past with his brother.

'I’ve never had to’ Phil answers. Caspar shrugs his shoulders and drinks.

So Chris has definitely lied to him. He knew that anyway.

It doesn’t really prove anything but at least he knows now. If he plays this right, he might just be able to find out what’s happened these last two weeks.

As members of the group, one by one begin to turn to Chris. He realizes that it’s his turn.

Chris knows that the last one was aimed at him, so he aims this one right back at Phil.

'Never have I ever wet the bed in my teen years.’ Glaring at Phil out of the corner of his eye.

Phil looks extremely pissed off whilst he drinks. Chris smirks. Louise is the only other person to drink, no one is surprised.

'I was ill okay!’ Louise shouts as she wipes her mouth.

'Okay Louise. Alfie, you’re next.’

Zoe stands up to refill her glass. Alfie looks up at her, biting his lip.

'Never have I ever been in handcuffs.’ Zoe looks at him with affection in her eyes, eyebrows raised. Her head is tilted towards him. Chris hopes to god that Joe doesn’t see it.

She downs her cup.

Chris needs to distract the group.

'Does it count if you’ve put someone in handcuffs?’ Alfie’s daze is broken by Chris’s words. He nods and Chris drinks. His words have their intended effect. Most of the group look at him. He slams his cup back on the table. 'I know what I’m about.’ He turns to Phil who has wide eyes. He smirks at him.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

'Never have I ever cross-dressed.’ Caspar shouts into the room. Joe, Luke and Chris drink.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

'Never have I ever played spin the bottle’. Chris finds that he’s the only one in the group that doesn’t have to drink. He know that it’s normally because he’s already got a tongue down someone's throat, still an achievement.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

'Never have I ever broken a bone’ Luke says after being told he can’t say 'bum a hamster'. Chris, Caspar, Alfie, Zoe and Emma drink. Joe is in the worst shape out of the lot of them. He attempts to drink but drops the cup on himself, then he begins to sob into Caspar’s shoulder.

They move him onto the lemonade. He doesn’t notice.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

'Never have I ever shop lifted’ Zoe says on her second go. The only person that drinks in the circle is Emma. Joe attempts to boo and ends up making cow noises whilst crying to himself.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

It’s been two hours since they started the game. The drinkers have become pretty intoxicated. Joe has begun to catch on to Alfie and Zoe’s strange behavior.

'Never have I ever…slept with someone with over a years age difference.’ Joe slurs out.

Zoe, Alfie and Chris drink. The circle looking at the two. Zoe and Alfie avoid eye contact.

Chris knows that he can’t stop this anymore. If they don’t stop with the fucking heart eyes everyone is going to catch on. He turns his head to see Phil looking at him.

Oh right. He probably shouldn’t have drank then.

Shit.

He sees Joe lean over to whisper into Louise’s ear.

'Never have I ever had sex with someone in the room.’ Emma and Luke drink straight away. Zoe and Alfie look at each other. Alfie shrugs.

They both drink.

 …………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Chris manages to escape the house in the following drama. Joe is crying again, so is Caspar. They’ve locked themselves in Zoe’s room. Zoe and Alfie are trying to coax them out. Everyone else is downstairs, listening to Zoe’s mothers albums.

Chris sighs. He is glad for the distraction. He didn’t really want to come in the first place. He just wants to go to Pj’s. He wants to spend the whole damn week at Pj’s. Chris knows that isn’t possible but Chris can dream.

Chris finds Alfie. He tells him that he has to go. Alfie is clearly confused but doesn’t ask any questions. As quietly and quickly as he can, Chris makes his way out of the door. Having grabbed his stuff from where he left it in Joe’s room. It’s nearly the end of October, so of course it’s freezing and dark outside. He puts his headphones on, turns his phone onto silent and makes his way to Pj’s place.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Phil and Louise are dancing in the living room. All the others have come back downstairs. Joe is still crying but now onto Zoe’s shoulder. The door is propped open. Phil looks around for Chris but can’t find him.

'Where’s Chris?’ He talks loudly over the music to Louise. She shrugs in response. Phil stops dancing. She begins to dance with Emma.

Phil asks Luke the same question and gets the same response. Luke doesn’t know.

 _He hasn’t. Has he?_  

The song ends.

'Has anyone seen Chris?!’ Phil shouts before music begins again.

'He left!’ Alfie responds. 'He said he had to go somewhere.’ The music begins to play again. Phil’s eyebrows crease together, he unconsciously tugs on his ear.

Phil thinks. Has he missed any anniversaries? No... He’s still got months before it’s even close to when Chris usually starts to act up. Would that effect him now?

What’s going on?

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Pj: I’m going to leave the front door open. Just come in when you get here xx (20:24)

Chris: I’m not that far away. I left early. Want to see you xx (20:25)

Pj: See me? Is that what the kids call it these days? xx (20:25)

Chris laughs out loud.  The woman walking past him glares at him. He winks back. It begins to rain. Chris begins to take longer strides in an attempt to get out of it. He’s glad Phil made him wear a jacket. At least it offers some protection. Water droplets appear on the surface of his phone.

Chris: Shut up you. I’ll be there in five minutes xx (20:26)

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

The front door requires someone to type in a code, it’s slightly open. Ready for Chris to enter. Chris shuts it behind him.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Chris knocks on the door once before letting himself in. He locks the door after himself.

'Damp?’ Chris turns around to Pj’s voice. His eyes brighten. Pj can’t help but laugh at him. He outstretches a hand 'Come on, we’ll get you a new shirt’ Chris walks over and takes his hand.

'And get me out of this one?’ They begin to walk to Pj’s bedroom. Pj leans over and kisses him on the cheek.

'Of course.’

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Chris is laying naked under the sheets of Pj’s bed. Trailing his finger over Pj’s chest. Drawing imaginary marks into smooth skin. Pj’s breathing has only just returned to normal. The room is warm and empty of light. Pj smells sweat and the smell of rain, petrichor, not to sound like a pretentious English majoring douchebag at all. He can see faint shadows of shapes in the room.

The air feels electric. Pj is in a state of exhaustion. He was tired before Chris got here. Now, he can barely think and it’s Chris’s fault.

Pj hears thunder. A distant rumble.

’ _Fuck._ ’

Chris throws the sheet over his head and begins to shake, swearing quietly and with feeling.

'Chris?….’

’ _Fuck_.’ Pj hears thunder again. ’ _Fuck_.’ Chris sounds close to tears. His shaking increases. Pj feels him bury his face into his chest. Pj moves the sheet so it’s over his head too. He can see Chris.

He has placed both of his hand over his ears. His face is pressed into Pj. Pj can feel the entirety of his body moving, but Chris isn’t cold.

This, this has to be terror.

So Pj does all he can do. He pulls Chris away from his chest. He pushes himself further under the covers until they are face to face. Chris has his eyes squeezed shut. PJ lightly puts his hands over Chris’s. He leans forward and presses their lips together.

Chris opens his eyes.

'I’m sorry.’ Chris whispers. Another bout of thunder visibly goes through Chris, making him jump. Pj moves his hands, wrapping Chris in his arms, trying to keep him still. He pulls Chris’s hand away from his ears just enough that he can talk to him.

'It’s okay.’ He rubs reassuring circles into Chris’s bare back. 'It’ll always be okay.’

'Ever since I was fucking little…’ A small amount of thunder makes Chris press his hands back onto his head. Pj finds himself gently shushing him, even though he can’t hear him. He waits until the thunder stops, peeling Chris’s hand back again.

'It’s okay. Everyone’s scared of something. It’s alright to be scared of storms.’ Chris shakes his head.

'I’m not scared of storms. A storm can’t hurt me.’ Chris presses his hands back onto his ears and shuts his eyes. 'I’m scared of my dad.’ Pj’s eyes widen. He listens out for thunder before he talks to Chris again.

'What?’ Chris opens his eyes again. Looking deep into Pj’s eyes.

'I shouldn’t have said that.’ Squeezing his eyes shut again. He starts to breath shallowly and infrequently. A singular tear comes out, followed by a small stream of others. 'I shouldn’t have said that…’

All Pj feels is fucking rage. That, he doesn’t even want to think it, did this to Chris. That a thunderstorm can make him like this. He pulls Chris in even tighter. Shushing him again, even if it is pointless. He presses gentle kisses down hard, on his neck, on one deep scar on his shoulder, leaving a final one on his lips.

'Talk to me Chris.’ He whispers, after slightly lifting Chris’s palm. 'Please.’ Chris opens his wet eyes, and looks at Pj. His wide innocent eyes. How can he resist?

'Where do I start?’ He looks away from Pj. 'There’s too much.’ Pj moves his hand from Chris’s back. Lifting up Chris’s chin, so he can look at him again.

'Where you have to.’  Thunder makes Chris shudder again. Chris exhales, taking some deep even breaths to calm himself.

'I was five when my mum found out she was sick.’ Pj nods. 'I didn’t really understand. How are you supposed to? I was a kid. And I was being told that I wasn’t going to have a mum much longer.’ Chris moves a hand from where it was resting, to wipe over his face. 'She got bad really quick. My granddad was always taking me places. He got me away from the worst of it at the beginning. Aquariums and... parks...’ Chris smiles.

'What?’ Pj asks.

'Nothing. It’s just-That’s how I met Phil. He got lost at a park and I helped him find Mum. I forget that sometimes.’

'There’s a profound statement about there always being light in the darkness there.’ Pj says quietly. The smile wipes itself off Chris’s face.

'My granddad was called Christopher Kendall too. My mum named me after him. My parents never did get married so I got my mums last name.’ Chris’s face smiles, his eyes however remain sad. 'He died a month before she did. I think he wanted it that way. You’re not supposed to die after your kids do.’ More thunder, Chris begins to shake again.

'It’s okay’ Pj rubs his back again. 'You don’t have to carry on if you don’t want to.’

'I want to.’ Pj nods. 'I wasn’t there when my granddad died. It was in his sleep. It was just his time. He died happy.’ Chris takes a deep breath and shudders. 'My mum didn’t. She died screaming.’ The words seem to cut into Pj. Chris seems used to them. Chris closes his eyes again. 'The last actual words she ever said were to me.’ He opens his eyes. 'She told me she loved me. When I think back to it, I can hear the pain in her voice. At the time, I was just too scared to say it back.’ Chris chokes out the words.

'Chris that isn’t your fault. You know that. She would have wanted you to be happy.’ Chris nods.

'Yeah she would have. She told me to live the best life when she got me ready for granddads funeral. She taught me to do my own tie and I never forgot that. That was the last time she was ever okay. I never forgot it. I never forgot she loved me.’ Chris shuts his eyes again. 'My father didn’t love me, but he loved her. Well…I think he did love me, before it all went wrong. Any love he had went when she did.’ More thunder, Chris puts his hands to his ears though it. When it ends, Pj takes his hands away from them.

'It’s okay.’ Pj nods. Chris swallows.

'My dad was an alcoholic before he met my mum. She made him better. He always said that. He never stopped drinking before her. He never stopped drinking after her. I was five, I’d lost my mum and my granddad. I lost my dad too, but he never went away.’ Chris begins to shake again. Tears falling. 'The first time he hit me. He didn’t say a word. He just ran into my room in the middle of the night and pummeled me.’ Pj’s eyes widen, his mouth hangs open. 'Normally, he would tell me it was my fault they were dead whilst he did it.’ He squeezes his eyes even tighter shut. 'I began to prefer it when he told me these things, because he would be more focused on the words than the beatings. The silent ones were the worst. He never did it enough that I had to go to the hospital, always enough that it hurt to breathe.’ Chris begins to cry.

'You’re okay now. Remember that.’ Pj wipes away his tears. 'You’re loved. You’re safe.’ Chris opens his eyes.

'He only ever used a knife once. It was a kitchen knife. Red handled. Saying that I deserved the scars’ Chris flinches at the memory. 'I began to believe him. That it was my fault. That my mum died, that my granddad died, that my grandmother died.’ Chris lets out a horrible laugh. 'She died before I was even born and I believed him.’ The laugh turns into a sob.

'Chris…’ Pj moves forward and kisses him again. In an attempt to calm him down.

'Phil noticed my cuts. One day when my dad was passed out on the sofa, I went to Phil’s. I hadn’t eaten in days and Phil always gave me food. I never asked but the Lesters always did. Phil noticed my cuts and went and told Mum. I’d gone home by the time Phil told.’ Chris chokes again.

'It’s okay. Let it all out.’ Pj holds him closer. Letting him know that he’s there.

'When I got home, I found my dad…I found my dad in the bathtub with his wrists torn open. Blood was all over him. Despite everything he’d done. I still screamed for him to wake up. Blood was all over me.’ Chris opens his eyes and looks at Pj. 'No matter how much I begged, he never did wake up. I still remember the most horrible thing was how relieved I was that he was gone too. That I wouldn’t have to-’. Chris ends his own sentence. 'That’s what made me feel like a monster. His death saved me. Phil’s mum was worried, she got dad to drive them over. I’d left the door wide open. They walked in and found what I found. They called the police. They shut the bathroom door and they cleaned me up in the kitchen.’ Chris doesn’t say anything for a second. 'His death saved me’.

'Chris…I…’ Pj doesn’t know what to say. He is glad for the thunder that interrupts the moment. Making Chris recoil into himself.

'That’s why I don’t like storms. Or loud noises. Hospitals. Graveyards. Silence.’

'I think I can see why.’ PJ wraps himself around Chris. Trying to be reassuring once more. They stay like that, until Chris stops crying.

'They were told they couldn’t have kids.’ Pj pulls away slightly, so he can look at Chris.

'Who?’

'My parents. Phil’s parents.’ Pj nods. 'They kept trying and trying. Just after they’d given up, Phil happened.’ Chris laughs. 'I mean Phil always was a miracle. I think it’s why they decided to adopt me. Dad always says it’s because I was practically their son anyway. Mum says it’s because she loved me anyway. So they adopted me and we moved down South. Away from the memories.’ Another quiet distant bout of thunder, Chris doesn’t flinch.

'Where abouts did you live before?’ Chris smiles, his eyes remaining the same.

'Harrogate.’ Pj nods.

'I think the storm is passing over.’ Chris looks up.

'Yeah me too.’ Chris says.

'Do you want to go make herbal tea? I hear it’s very relaxing.’ Chris lets out one amused laugh.

'Yeah, lets.’ Pj grabs the corner of the sheet and pulls it down. Exposing them both to the darkness. He turns on the bedside lamp. A warm yellow lamp, cutting away the shadow. Pj steps out of bed and pulls on some pajama bottoms. Throwing Chris a pair to wear, which he then pulls on. Another louder thundering makes Chris whimper with discomfort. Pj walks over and grabs his hand, keeping him close. They begin to walk to the kitchen.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Pj places a hot cup of peppermint tea into Chris’s hands, Chris blows on the surface of it, allowing it’s heat to seep in and comfort him. Pj runs a tiny amount of cold water from the tap into his smaller mug. He proceeds to begin to sip from it whilst making faces at Chris.

Chris isn’t sure how but he finds himself laughing.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Phil: Chris are you okay? Do I need to come get you? Are you with anyone? It’s not supposed to be a big storm, I checked. I did want to be a weatherman when I was younger you know xx(21:49)

Chris: I’m fine. Sorry I got distracted. You don’t need to come get me. I’m okay xx (00:02)

Pj had accepted the news that Chris doubted he would be able to sleep tonight with grace. They had returned to the bedroom after drinking their teas at around half ten. He’d got Pj to read to him. Claiming that it would 'Calm’ him down. In reality, he just liked Pj’s voice. Pj didn’t buy it for a second but did it anyway. Not feeling like he had much room to decline. He’d read him some of the scripts he had finished recently or was still working on. He has a pile of them in his chest of drawers. He’d been reading for an hour before Chris interrupted him mid word with his lips. It had gotten to the point where watching them just wasn’t enough. Neither of them felt like having sex. But they both kept their lips in contact with each other. Whether it was on their neck, body or mouth. They had refused to part.

They had only separated when Pj got up to put the chair behind the door. Chris sat so he could see if it was secure enough. After agreeing with Pj that it would stick. Pj returned to bed. 

Chris doesn’t recall ever stopping kissing, but he falls asleep all the same.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

It’s the first time has seen Chris sleeping with nothing in the way. Chris had drifted off whilst he had been kissing his neck. When Pj sees him, his heart melts.

He looks so innocent. Heavenly.

He doesn’t know how anyone could have ever hurt him, but they did.

Pj knows he can’t 'make it better’, but for Chris, for beautiful funny Chris, he can try his damn best to help it get better.

He always will.

 …………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Chris’s original plan had involved him going back to Zoe’s house in the morning. He wakes up and it’s already the afternoon. He can’t be bothered. He hasn’t opened his eyes yet. He’s been listening to Pj talk on the phone. It takes him a minute to figure out that he must be talking to his mother. He sounds rigid. Almost not sounding like his Pj.

He can pinpoint that exact second that Pj’s little sister begins to talk. His enthusiastic positive Pj is back.

'I’m seeing you this weekend. I’ll take you to the movies then.’ Chris hears Pj laugh and sigh dramatically. 'Yes, I’ll buy you popcorn.’ Pj chuckles again. 'And ice cream. Poppy, I will start calling you Pudding again.’ Chris can hear protest from the other end of the line. 'Honestly, there’s a lot worse things I could call you.’ Chris can hear Poppy groan. 'Oh shut up. You love me.’ He hears Pj gasp and scold. ' _Pudding_ , Language.’

Chris starts to laugh.

'What? No, there’s no one here.’ Chris opens his eyes to see Pj glaring at him with a grin on his face. Chris puts a finger over his own mouth.  'Yeah. Okay. I love you too.’ Pj lays down next to Chris. On top of the bedsheets.'Yes, I am looking forward to seeing you.’ Pj places his lips to Chris’s forehead. Chris can hear Poppy speak. 'Yes I’m aware it’s less than a week. See you next Sunday Poppy. Love you.’ Chris hears Pj’s sister say goodbye and hang up the phone. Pj places it on the bed beside him.

'She sounds nice.’ Pj slides his arm under Chris. Holding him in a tight embrace.

'She is nice.’ The two lay in gentle quiet. 'She a hundred percent knows about you now but she’s nice.’ Chris frowns.

'How would she know about me? I only laughed.’

'Chris. Can you tell when Phil is lying?

'Yes, Phil’s a shitty liar.’

'Chris, I’m a shitty liar.’ Chris laughs and nods. 

'You really are.’

'She has also known me since…well a day after she was born. I was eight.’ Chris thinks for a second.

'Wait, am I closer to your sisters age than yours?’ Pj groans, placing a hand on his face.

'That’s not something I wanted to realize.’ Chris chuckles. 'Now I feel like a cradle robber again.’

'You’re not a cradle robber. Besides, even if she does realize that someone was here. She doesn’t know it’s me.’ Pj nods, beginning to relax again.

'She probably won’t bring it up straight away. She’ll try and be sneaky.’ Chris moves close to Pj’s ear.

'Well out sneak the sneak.’ Chris presses a kiss to Pj’s cheek.

'I’ll try my best.’ Pj leans into Chris’s kiss. 'Shower?’ Pj begins to get out of bed.  Outstretching his hand to Chris, who follows him. 

'Shower.’ Chris takes his hand, kissing on the cheek once again.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

'Pj?’ The two of them had spent most of the day curled up together, watching movies. Occasionally with Chris sarcastically commenting. Because seriously, unobtainium? James Cameron wasn’t even trying. Pj had remained fairly quiet throughout the day.

'Yes?’ Chris looks into those green eyes again, getting lost for a second. He looks away and at the ground.

'Do you think I’m weird?’

'Honestly, I’m a strong believer in the belief that if someone calls you weird. You should look them in the eye and say thank you.’ Chris lets out a laugh.

'I don’t mean like that. I mean because of last night.’

'Because of what you told me?’ Pj double checks. Chris nods solemnly. 'Chris…’ Pj grabs to bottom of Chris’s chin. 'Look at me.’ Their eyes lock. 'I could never think anything bad because of any of that. Please don’t regret telling me. Please.’

'How can I not regret it? I told you my darkest secrets, barely any of my friends have even an idea that any of that happened. Yet I told you the entire thing-’

'And all it did was remind me of how strong you are.’ Pj removes his hand from Chris’s jaw. His thoughts drift away. 'You were forged in terrible fires, all it’s done is made you more beautiful.’

'Peej. Your nerd’s showing.’ Pj laughs despite himself.

'I don’t think you’re weird Chris. Or at least, I don’t think you’re weird because of that.’ He kisses Chris again, moving their mouths together. Pulling them away with a soft noise. 'Now shut up and watch the movie.’

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

'So what are you dressing up as on Halloween?’ Chris asks. Pj is making breakfast for dinner, after insisting that they were two grown men and that they can do what they want. Chris has a feeling that he’s forgotten something.

'It’s a surprise.’

'That’s no fair. Is it sexy?’ Pj laughs, he starts the process of putting food onto plates.

'God, I hope not.’

'Knowing you, it’ll probably end up sexy.’ Pj shakes his head with a smile on his face.

'Eat your damn pancakes’ Pj places a bowl in front of Chris. Chris picks up a strawberry and bites the end off. Enjoying the sweet taste that floods his mouth.

'Gladly’.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Chris walks past his phone as it rings once more. He’d been in the process of changing shirts.  He presses the button on the side of the screen. It lights up.

(38) Missed Calls

(14) Inbox

Shit.

He’d forgotten to ring Phil. He fumbles through his inbox. Finding Phil’s lasts message. He selects the number and calls. Phil nearly shouts down the phone.

'Chris! Where have you been?! I was so worried. You’ve been missing nearly twenty four hours! I was going to call the police!’

'Phil. I’m fine. I just got caught up and forgot to call.’

'YOU FORGOT TO CALL! Chris there was that storm last night. I was starting to think something had happened to you.’

'Well I’m okay. Sorry for worrying you.’

'I told mum and dad.’ Chris groans. 'Chris, I was scared.’

'Yeah I know. Just they’re going to fucking kill me.’ Phil sighs.

'I’ll tell them that you sent a message and it didn’t go through.’

'Thanks Phil.’

'I’ll let Emma and Zoe kill you instead’ Chris groans again.

'Shit’.

'What’s going on?’ Pj walks into the room, only noticing Chris is on the phone at the last second, stopping mid step.

'Chris. Who’s there?’ Chris can hear the confusion in Phil’s voice. He hopes that Phil doesn’t place it.

'No one. Just the radio. I turned it off.’ Pj walks over to Chris, Chris shakes his head, causing Pj to grin.

Pj begins to kiss Chris’s torso, moving his mouth to all of the places that Chris is most sensitive. He moves his hands around Chris’s body, occasionally pinching him or scratching with his nails.

'Okay?’ Phil sounds unconvinced. 'When are you coming home?’

'In a while.’ Chris is starting to get hard. Pj’s hands rest on his ass, his mouth on his neck.

Chris knows that he intends to leave a mark.

'Come on Chris. Like an hour? More than an hour?’

Pj moves his hand up, and pulls down Chris’s trousers, getting onto his knees. Chris is visibly hard. His breathing has become irregular and deep.

'Shit.’ Pj laughs, pulling down Chris’s underwear. 

'Chris? What’s going on?’

'Nothing’ Pj puts his hand around Chris’s cock. 'Okay gotta go. Bye Phil. Love you.’ Chris nearly shouts into the phone. He throws it onto the bed. 'Jesus Christ Peej.’ He looks down at Pj. Pj looks back with a mischievous glint in his eyes.

'I wanted to know how long it would take you to crack.’ Pj presses a singular kiss to the inside of Chris’s thigh. 'You did well.’ Chris hums.

Pj places his mouth around Chris’s cock. Chris jumps up at the pleasure. Forcing himself back on the ground. He twirls his fingers into Pj’s hair. Pj begins to move up and down Chris. Tightening his lips. Chris growls. Pj uses his tongue to circle, he can taste pre-come in his mouth.

Chris pulls lightly at Pj’s scalp. The noise Pj makes as a result nearly sends him over the edge. Pj continues going up and down Chris’s cock.  His lips teasing Chris.

'Peej, I’m close’ Chris looks down at Pj. Pj winks at him.

Chris climaxes. His knees going week. Crying out, tightening his grip in Pj’s hair. Pj swallows.

'That was….’ Chris loses his words.

'Fan-fucking-tastic?’ Pj supplies as he stands. Smiling at Chris.

'Yep’ The two kiss. He pats down Pj’s curls. A disturbing thought interrupts Chris’s pleasure. 'Shit.’

'What?’ Pj says, confusion seeping into his tone.

'Phil.’ 

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Chris and Pj can’t see each other for a couple of days. After the stunt Chris pulled, it would be too risky. They had spent the hour after the phone call in each others calming embrace, whispering gently between them both.

They’ll see each other in five days. It’s not even as much as it would usually be. They’ll see each other on Halloween. They still can’t stop themselves from missing each other already. They interlock their fingers, connecting their foreheads. A kiss. They separate.

Pj shuts the door. Smiling, he sighs. He feels content, for the first time in ages. He walks back to his bedroom, feeling the itch to write.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Pj doesn’t know how but it is midnight already. It barely feels like any time since Chris left. He gets up, goes to the bathroom and brushes his teeth. When he returns to bed, he quickly flicks through what he has written.

It’s only now that he realizes. The hazel eyed boy protagonist is very obviously based on someone.

He considers changing it.

He leaves it exactly the same.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

'So where actually were you Chris?’ Chris spits out the toothpaste in his mouth. He turns to Phil.

'I already said. I went to Bertie’s. You know, my friend from drama. We just got carried away is all. I lost track of the time.’ Chris returns to brushing his teeth.

Phil knows that he’s telling a lie. He stands in the doorway of the bathroom whilst Chris gets ready for bed. Phil thinks that there must be some truth to it at least. He doubts Chris would have wanted all this fuss. He would have messaged had he remembered.

'By carried away do you mean that you were….you know.’ Chris laughs. He finishes brushing his teeth.

'Bertie and I aren’t like that. Just friends.’ Phil thinks that was the truth too.

'So you weren’t having sex?’ Chris raises an eyebrow at him.

'That’s what I said. Look, I’m sorry I didn’t message last night but you really don’t have to grill me like this. I’m okay. See.’ Chris hangs both of his arms to the side. He pushes past Phil and walks into the hallway. He turns with the motion, so he is still looking at Phil. 'I’m tired okay. I’m going to go to bed. Goodnight.’ Chris takes the few steps necessary to open the door to his room. With one last smile directed at Phil, he enters and closes the door. Phil hears the lock flick over.

Phil sighs. He goes back to his own room. He doesn’t have a lock on his door. He doesn’t need one. Chris only has one because their parents caught him sleeping in the bathroom after they brought him home. It was the only place he could rest.

It’s when Phil remembers little things like that. That he realizes how much his brother has been through. Even if he is younger, in wisdom, they at least break even. Phil can’t help but worry about him. It’s done out of love. He knows somethings going on with Chris. He just isn’t sure what or whether it’s his business. 

 _Just whatever it is, don’t let it hurt him._  

_Please._

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Pj is starting to get on Dan’s nerves. They don’t see each other that often with work and uni. Dan always enjoys spending time with Pj. It used to be the two of them and Tyler in their halls. They made friends in their courses and lived with them after their first year. Before that the three of them hung out a lot. They became great friends despite their differences. They never lost touch. Dan always looks forward to seeing either of them, even more so when it’s both of them at once. School is on break. Tyler and Dan aren’t in lessons and Pj doesn’t have to teach. They decided to have a day together.

Pj is starting to really piss Dan off. Dan thinks Tyler has noticed it as well.

He keeps checking his phone, laughing at his phone, smiling at his phone.

Pj’s infatuated, clearly.

They are in their favorite sushi place. He’s been ferociously laughing at Tyler’s inappropriate humor for the last hour. Pj only occasionally paying attention, nodding along to their conversation. Pj is on his phone again.

'He’s not listening to a thing we’re saying is he?’ Tyler says. Chopsticks in hand.

'I don’t know. Are you?’ Dan adds. The two of them look at Pj, who’s typing with his tongue slightly poking out.

'It’s kind of adorable.’ Tyler comments.

'And really annoying.’ Pj looks up, the both of them staring at him.

'What?’ He asks.

'Exactly.’ Dan says, placing some rice into his mouth. Pj winces, placing his phone on the table.

'Sorry.’ Pj says meekly. Tyler smiles at him.

'Don’t be, who’s the guy?’ Pj’s eyes widen in panic.

'There’s not a guy.’ Tyler turns to shoot a look at Dan. Dan reciprocates.

'There’s not a guy’ Tyler repeats mockingly. 'C'mon Peej. You’ve been sitting there with a smile on your face this entire time.’ Tyler pushes lightly at Pj’s shoulder. 'Who is he?’ Pj laughs and shakes his head. 

'There isn’t a guy.’ Pj’s phone chooses this second to light up. Pj looks up. Tyler and Dan catching each others eyes.

'NO-’ Dan pushes Pj back in his seat. Tyler grabs the phone. Reading the screen whilst Pj struggles.

'Fuck I don’t know his password.’ Temporary relief comes over Pj.

'I do’ Pj begins to panic.

They can’t find out. They are some of his best friends but this needs to be a secret. Even if it’s just for now. Pj doesn’t want it to always be a secret.

'I changed it!’ Pj shouts, getting attention from a nearby table.

He thinks he might have. The probability is that Dan does know the code.

'Peej calm down.’ Dan says. Tyler passes Pj’s phone back to him, looking around at the people observing them.

'Sorry.’ He opens up his phone. Originally to respond to Chris’s message. With the looks he receives from both of his friends, he opens up a different tab. 'See it’s just my sister.’ Showing their recent messages to Dan.

Pj seems unaware that the dates on these messages are from a week ago.

Dan nods. Pj returns to typing on his phone. Dan turns to Tyler.

He shakes his head, mouthing, _'It’s not her_.'

Tyler mouths in response, _'Who is it then?'_

Dan shrugs with a grin, taking another bite of sushi.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

'So I’m considering having a Halloween party…’

The three boys are walking down the street to Pj’s flat.

'Really Tyler. Another one?’ Dan says.

'Shut up. I’m just looking for excuses now.’

'I’m not complaining.’ Pj is behind his two friends, watching them converse.

'Hey. Maybe I’ll invite your boy toy.’ Tyler grins at Dan, who is getting a mild pink blush.

'Boy toy?’ Pj chips in. Tyler turns to him as they walk.

'Oh shit, you’d left when that happened. Basically, Danny here was smoochin’ with a cutie.’

'Oh my god Tyler.’

'He was Louise’s friend, lovely thing Louise, I could always ask her to bring him again.’

Pj’s blood runs cold.

'What was he called?’ Pj says loudly with aggression. Tyler frowns at him.

'Phil.’ Dan supplies.

The relief Pj feels begins to worry him.

'You okay there Peej?’ Tyler asks.

'Yeah, lets go home.’ Pj pushes past his friends and up the steps of his apartment building. He types in the necessary code to enter the building, leaving Tyler and Dan to look at each other in blatant confusion.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Chris is beginning to wonder if the universe is testing him. It’s Halloween. He hasn’t seen Pj in days, not even a glimpse. They’ve talked on the phone at the end of each day at least. The next time he’s going to see Pj will be at this Halloween party he’s being forced to go to, at Tyler’s again, surrounded by people that can’t know about them, whilst Phil watches him like some kind of eagle .

This is going to be difficult.

Oh god what if Pj table dances again?

Chris is freaking out. He is sitting up on his bed, both feet flat on the ground. He runs his hands through his hair again. Breathing, is irregular, shallow and frequent. He could always fake it, tell Phil he’s sick.

But Phil’s so excited.

And Chris knows that even if he can’t do anything with Pj. He still wants to see him.

His only option is to grit his teeth and deal.

So Chris begins to do what Chris does best. He picks himself up. He grabs his headphones, putting on some optimistic song about love. He sings along. He tries to settle the storm which is raging inside him. He gathers his things. He throws dance moves around the room whilst he chucks his items into a bag.

The song ends. Chris rechecks the room. Chris flicks the lock and walks across the hall to Phil’s room.

 …………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Louise had told them both to just get ready at hers. Neither of the girls are in costume. They want them to be surprised. The girls are buying the boy’s costumes for them. Neither of them know what they are going to be wearing for the rest of the day.

They decided to just put Chris and Phil in the bathroom together. It was probably for best.

Phil and Chris were both given plastic bags and they had the door slammed in their faces. They look at each other. Chris shrugs .

'You go first.’ Chris says, Phil nods. He starts unwrapping his costume.

Phil begins laughing.

'They want me to be a fairy.’ Pulling pink glittery butterfly wings out of his bag to prove it. A wand and a tiara following.  He pulls a shirt, composed of fake leaves. A pair of shorts. He were both told to bring their own, unlaced shoes. Phil’s pair are brown. Chris imagines that Phil will make a good fae. He’s been a magical wisp his entire life.

'Your go now.’ Phil sounds far too excited.

'It’s not fucking Christmas Phil.’ He laughs. Chris begins unwrapping his bag.

It’s a pair of gold shorts.

And nothing else.

Fuck.

Zoe and Louise were good friends to both Phil and Chris. He just couldn’t bring himself to tell them about his past. People knew when he was little and it had just happened. After the changes to secondary school and then sixth form, people forgot. Chris was glad of it. He hated people treating him differently. Despising sympathy.

He’d come close to telling Louise after she told them all about her mum, as well as how her step-mother treated her. At the time he wanted to tell her that he understood, that his parents were dead too, what his dad had done to him, but he couldn’t find the words.

He’s not even a hundred percent sure they know he’s adopted, they just think Chris has got his mother's maiden name or something weird. Most of people his age don’t know. Only the teachers and that’s because they all have to read a file on him.

'Phil. They want me to wear this!’ He holds them up in the air. Phil going red, exploding with laughter. 'Phil! I can’t! They don’t know about my….’ Chris begins to hyperventilate. He knew it was a bad idea to do this. He just knew it, now his secret was going to be out. They were going to get freaked out. He was going to have to tell them how fucked up he is. Oh god. Oh god….

It should have been a funny costume, clearly inspired by The Rocky Horror Picture Show. Chris had watched it with the two girls one weekend when Phil was too hungover to come with them.

Chris is feeling a large surge of panic and dread. A small part of him wants to just tell the girls, but he can’t.

He feels hands on his shoulders.

'Chris! Calm down.’ Phil begins to think for a solution, he looks behind him and then looks back at Chris. 'Breathe.’ He does the breathing exercises Chris was taught with him. Breathe in. Count to six. Breathe out. Repeat. Chris closes his eyes.

'What am I going to do Phil?’ Opening them again, he searches his brother’s blue eyes for answers.

'You can either tell them, and we can improvise something. Or….’

'Or?…’

'We can swap costumes.’

Chris knows he has to make a decision. He wants to see Phil dressed up in his costume. It isn’t fair to Phil. Plus, it’s bound to only happen again. He’s going to have to tell them eventually. He figures he might as well do it in style.

'I’m going to tell them.’ Chris sighs. Phil looks surprised but sounds relieved.

'Are you sure?’

'I am’. Chris tries to convince himself that it’s the right thing to do. He thinks of the last person he told, how he reacted, how he made him feel better for once. Thinking of Pj makes him feel braver. He nods to himself. Trying to ignore the fear. 'Can you do me one favor.’ Phil nods. 'Can you go in first? Just make sure they don’t scream or anything.’ Phil smiles at him sadly.

'They aren’t that bad Chris.’ Phil responds.

Chris swallows. 'I know.’ Phil stands up and makes his way to the door. 'Wait! Where are you going?’ Phil turns, eyebrows creased in confusion.

'To go tell them to not scream…’ His voice trails off. He sounds extremely innocent.

'Get in your costume first.’ Phil looks even more perplexed.

'Wait. Are you going to tell them dressed as Rocky?’ Chris smiles as Phil has clearly watched Rocky Horror without his knowledge.

'Can you think of a better way to do it?’ Phil raises an eyebrow and nods. He begins to change into his costume. Chris sits on the edge of the bathtub, making inappropriate comments as Phil changes.

In the end. Phil is wearing a small light blue tiara. A tight, leaf based shirt. A small pair of denim shorts, with pink polka dot patches. Brown slip on canvas shoes, without socks. All of this is topped off with small wings that hang off Phil’s back and a silver shiny wand. He is malting glitter.

He looks adorable. After Chris coos over him for a while, Phil goes silent.

Chris becomes a ball of dread. Hiding it all with a smile.

'Are you sure about this?’ Phil asks. Chris nods. 'They won’t think any less of you.’ Chris smiles, nodding again. Phil taps the top of Chris’s head with the wand. Chris’s smile becomes genuine. 'I’m going to go talk to them. Just come up when you’re ready.’ Phil unlocks the door and places a hand on the handle. He turns to shoot Chris one more reassuring look. 'Knock before you come in.’ Chris nods. Phil walks out. Chris walks over to the door and locks it once more.  He places his forehead against the door, trying to quell the worry inside of him.

He glances at the costume. 

Chris’s thought cuts through all of the bad memories and imagination.

 _Fuck it_.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

'What’s going on Phil?’ Zoe asks for about the fourth time. The three of them are sitting on Louise’s bed. Phil smiles and tells her that it’s not his story to tell, for about the fourth time. She’s dressed as Columbia, even carrying a golden sequined hat for Chris to wear. It’s not necessarily in character but he can see why they bought it for him to wear too. Louise is dressed as a fairy to match Phil. Phil loves the thought they’ve put into it. It’s just a shame they didn’t know.

There’s a knock at the door.

Louise and Zoe look at each other. Phil purposely keeps his stare straight forward.

'Can I come in?’ Chris says through the door. Barely audible. Phil thinks that he’s probably stalling for time.

Phil swears that if Chris’s dad wasn’t already dead, he’d kill him. He’d kill him and he’s not even sure if he’d feel too guilty.

Zoe and Louise nod at each other. Louise grabs Zoe’s hand.

'Yes.’ Louise says in response.

Chris keeps his eyes pinned to the ground. He pushes past the door, walking straight the the center of the room.

He closes his eyes.

He hears the two girls gasp. He’s pretty sure it’s Louise that cries out.

'They’re not self-inflicted.’ Chris lets the words roll off his tongue.

'But…what?…who?’ Louise stammers out.

'Chris. How did this happen?’ Zoe asks, forcing strength into her voice.

Chris takes a breath, he shudders.

'It was done to me.’ He opens his eyes, risking it to see how they have reacted.

Louise seems near tears. Zoe is restraining herself.

'Who by?’ Zoe asks. Chris looks into her blue eyes.

Oddly, in that second, she reminds him of his granddad.

'My father.’ Louise places a hand over her mouth, gasping.

Chris thinks about how funny it is that he doesn’t tell this story to anyone in years. And all of a sudden, he’s telling three people in the space of a week.

It’s time to shake the cobwebs off his ghosts again.

'Chris. You need to tell them more than that.’ Phil says, hiding all emotion from his voice. Chris smiles at him.

'I know.’ He turns to the girls. 'Louise.’ She looks at him. 'I wanted to tell you this before. Believe me I did. I tried so hard but the words couldn’t come out.’ She looks at him, confused. 'My mother’s dead. I was five when she died. ’ Chris swallows. 'When my mother died, my dad did too.’ He pauses for a second 'On the inside, I mean. He started drinking again. He stopped taking care of himself. He stopped taking care of me. I didn’t have any other family.’ Chris deeply breaths out, risking a look at his audience. The two girls look enthralled and horrified. Phil looks neutral. Almost used to it. 'He started beating me. Telling me it was my fault that everyone died. He came at me with a knife. I’m always going to have these scars. Phil saw them at the time. His family rescued me. They adopted me. Now Phil’s my brother.’ Phil nods at him in understanding.

Chris marvels a little bit, at how much more he told Pj. Who he’s actually known for less time. Chris keeps his gaze on the floor. He only hears the gentle padding of feet on the ground. He feels small arms wrap around him. Automatically, he returns the embrace.

'Hey. We match.’ Chris whispers down to Zoe, who laughs at him despite it all. She's wearing all gold, glitzed up like Chris is.

'Well that was the freaking point.’ There are tears in her eyes. She pulls away from him, showing off her outfit.

'Chris. What happened to your dad?’ Louise says quietly, still on the bed, pain in her eyes. Chris sadly smiles at her.

'He killed himself.’ He leaves out that it was him that found him, how he did it, how if Chris had stayed at home, it might not have happened or it might not have just been his father that died. 'I’m an orphan.’ Louise throws herself off the bed and runs into Chris, throwing her arms around him.

'You should have said something.’ Chris puts his arms around her.

'It’s kind of tricky to talk about.’ Louise pulls away.

'I know it is.’ Louise begins to inspect the scars. 'I think Chummy and I can cover these up.’ Chris eyebrows shoot up.

'Really?’ Chris says, surprise evident in his voice. Zoe takes a look.

'Definitely some of the small ones. We can at least partially cover the bigger ones.’ Zoe looks up at Chris in panic. 'Not that you have to-’

'It’s fine. Actually, it would be fantastic if you could.’ The two girls nod at each other, pulling Chris by his wrists to the mirror.

 …………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Zoe places a sequined golden top hat onto his head. Giggling as she does so. Both of them satisfied with their work. Chris was fascinated as he watched them. He is even more impressed with the end result.

He can’t remember living without his scars.

Now they’re barely visible.

Zoe and Chris posed for the inevitable pictures in the mirror. Whilst Louise paints a small flower onto Phil’s cheek. Giving him a small amount of blue eye shadow to match.

They make their way to Tyler’s house. Chris sending a message to Pj as they go.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Chris: You are not prepared for the costume Zoe and Louise bought me (Plus Phil looks adorable) xx (20:23)

Pj: I’m applying levels of preparation. My preparation is at the max. I am prepared xx (20:24)

Chris laughs, putting his phone back into Phil’s bag.

He steals Louise’s tiara, and runs down the road with it.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Chris gives the tiara back after being tackled by Louise. He thinks it could have been more threatening. She had been laughing the whole time. She slightly smudged her flower, Zoe fixed it. They are walking up Tyler’s apartment. Chris walks slightly ahead. Someone finally mentions it.

'Do you think Mr Liguori will be there again?’ Zoe asks Louise. Chris prays that he didn’t flinch.

'I actually asked Tyler after he invited us all to come to this one. He should be. Tyler said _should_ because apparently he’s a bit of a recluse.’ Zoe snorts.

'Did you actually ask if 'Mr Liguori’ was coming?’ Zoe says. Phil chuckling along.

'No Chummy’ Louise laughs. 'I said I only remembered his last name, then Tyler and I gossiped. His first name is actually Pj.’

Chris feels a pang in his chest. That’s supposed to be their secret.

Which is stupid, seeing as it’s his name. Chris thinks.

'Aren’t you supposed to be working? Not gossiping.’ Chris turns and walks backwards to say this. Turning to walk forwards afterwards.

'Oi Cheeky.’ Chris turns around, smiles at her and carries on walking. 'We both only work in the evenings, work is slow. The customers chat too. It’s a hairdressers.’ Chris slowly nods.

'That’s fair.’ Chris finds himself slightly jumping as he walks.

'Besides gossiping about teachers, to their friends, is rewarding.’ Louise says, mischief in her voice. Chris’s heart beats fast.

'Oh really?’ Phil adds in curiously.

'Tyler’s actually kind of annoyed with him. Basically they were all hanging out and Pj kept getting distracted by his phone.’ Chris does not like the sound of this. 'They tried to steal it off him and he got really defensive. Tyler and their friend Dan-’. Chris doesn’t think he imagines how Phil freezes for a second. '-they think he’s got a secret boyfriend.’

Shit.

'Mr Liguori likes boys?’ Zoe says, surprised.

'Yeah. I wasn’t too shocked.’ Louise responds. Zoe thinks about it for a second.

'It’s not too much of a stretch.’

'We should probably keep that to ourselves.’ Phil adds. 'It’s not like any of us care, but other people might. Lets not make his life harder.’ The two girls nod. Phil notices that Chris is uncharacteristically quiet.

'You okay Chris?’ Chris quickly nods.

'Surprised about our English teachers sexuality?’ It takes every bit of Chris’s willpower to not start laughing.

'It was obvious.’ He points to himself using his thumb. 'Us LGBT-ers have a habit of knowing these things. It's a sixth sense.’ He jokes. He lowers his hand. The girls laugh.

'Whatever you say Chris.’ Phil says, shaking his head at him. The group are quiet as they walk. The temperature begins to further drop. Chris begins to rub his arms with his hands.

'Guys I’m fucking freezing.’ Chris complains.

'Nooooo.’

'No way.’

'The sacrifices we make for fashion.’

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Tyler is even more drunk than last time. He wears all black, Chris notices that he has fake earrings on. He has also dyed his hair a dark brown. Chris is a little bit scared to ask who or what he is. He cries a little bit when he sees Louise, then some more when he sees matching Phil, then he fucking loses it when he sees Chris.

'Rocky Horror?’ He says between wheezes.

'Yup.’ Chris replies, popping the 'P’.

He invites them all in. The setup is mostly similar to last time. It’s just that the music is themed, everyone is in costume and there’s more alcohol.  Also there’s fake cobwebs strung around. Phil being taller, walks into one. Chris has to get it off his tiara.

He gets his phone out of Phil’s bag. Walking over to the drinking games to keep an eye on Louise. His phone flashes up.

Pj: You’re right. Phil looks adorable. Sometimes I forget just how sexy you are though. I wasn’t prepared. Are you wearing make up or body paint or something? You're golden. (21:12)

Chris looks up and around.

Pj: I’m over here ya mook x (21:12)

Chris: I can’t find you xx (21:13)

Pj: I bet it would be really obvious if you got turned on in those. (21:13)

Chris still can’t see Pj. He was asked if he wanted to join the games by an attractive short girl dressed as a bee. He politely declines. She winks and walks off.

Pj: She was totally hitting on you. Though in those shorts I can see why. (21:14)

Chris smiles.

Chris: I told her to 'buzz’ off. (21:15)

Pj: *groans* (21:15)

Chris: This Edward Cullen shit is starting to get old now. Where the fuck are you? (21:16)

Chris says. Feeling almost like a child that lost at Hide and Seek.

Pj: Look at the stairs xx Also it’s safe to come over (21:17)

Chris looks. He sees Pj sat on the top step, bottle in hand. Pj offers him quick wave. Chris checks the room to see if Phil is somehow watching him. He isn’t anywhere to be seen. He makes his way over to Pj.

Pj has his hair in a quiff. He wears shorts and a button up shirt.

He’s wearing those damn glasses again.

There’s no one else in the hallway. Pj gestures for him to follow. Standing up and going into a room.

Chris enters the room after Pj. It’s a bathroom. Chris turns, he shuts the door. Pj wraps his arms around him and locks anyone else out.

Pj pulls away from Chris. Allowing him to turn around. Pj gestures to his costume.

'What do you think?’ Pj reaches over to get his cider bottle from the side of the bath tub. Swigging from it.

'What are you meant to be?’ Chris asks.

'Tyler.’ Chris laughs, that slight blush that Pj is in love with coming up. Pj steps forward, pressing a singular kiss to his lips. Chris melts into it. Pj stops himself from doing more. 'Tyler’s dressed as Dan, I’m dressed as Tyler, and Dan is running around pretending to be me.’ Chris starts laughing again.

'You do realize that means Phil is probably making out with a fake you right now?’ Chris says, amusement in his voice. Pj looks horrified.

'God, I hope not.’ Chris and Pj catch each others eye, both of them dissolving into giggles.

'Apparently Dan and Tyler think you have a secret boyfriend.’ Chris reaches forward putting his hands onto Pj’s hips.

'Are they wrong?’ Chris’s heart skips a beat.

‘Did you just really smoothly ask if we're boyfriends?’

‘Yes’

The two laugh. Chris leaning forward to press their mouths against each other.

‘We can be if you want to be.’ Chris says.

‘I definitely want to be’

They kiss again.

It doesn’t take long for the kiss to turn heated. Pj pushing Chris back against the door.They use their tongues and mouth to elicit the best reactions from the other. Pj’s glasses get taken off by Chris. Causing Pj to laugh, it is cut off by the meeting of lips. A light pull of hair. A groan. Chris notices a faint hint of gold in Pj’s eyes. He pulls away. Their lips making one last satisfying noise. One urgent thought coming into Chris’s head.

'Please tell me you aren’t completely pissed out of your head.’ Pj chuckles.

'Only one I’ve drank.’ He lightly gestures to the bottle.

'Oh good.’ Chris pecks Pj once more on the mouth. 'Are we meeting up tonight still?’ Pj turns his attention to kissing Chris’s neck. Breaking away to answer.

'Yeah. If you want. My family are coming on Sunday so tonight is the only night you can stay over.’ Chris nods.

'So tonight. How we going to do it this time?’ Chris asks.

'Well you’ve literally only been here for about five minutes. I figure we wait an hour or two. I’ll come and tell you when I’m going to go. You wait and follow me.’

'So exactly the same as last time?’ Pj smiles at him.

'Exactly the same as last time.’ Chris returns the smile and kisses him one last time. Pj grabs his glasses. They leave the bathroom, holding hands for a second before they walk back into the party.

Pj lightly smacks Chris’s ass before they part ways.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Chris didn’t think he’d sink to this point in his life. Though with consideration, it might actually be rise to this level.

He is literally on drunk fairy watch. One of the drunk fairies is his brother, who is intent on making out with a guy. A guy that is dressed as his secret lover. His secret lover is also present and trying to help his drunk friend too. The other drunk fairy is just really happy to be here.

Oh yeah and he’s also in a sequined top hat, gold skintight shorts and a fuck ton of makeup.

This is a life that Chris can definitely say that he is living well.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Phil had been carrying his bag of clothes in his bag. Due to his intoxicated state, he’d been able to get it off him without questions. All it took then was a wardrobe change. He had checked up with Zoe and he was out of the door.

Pj hadn’t taken a lot of convincing to wait. He sat on a bench a short distance from Tyler’s house. He looks at the stars whilst listening out for Chris’s footsteps. Eventually they come, Pj turns and smiles at him. He is returned with a boyish grin.

'You better have kept the shorts.’ Pj says loudly, his breath is visible in the cold air.

'They’re in my bag.’ Chris walks up beside him. Pj takes his hand out of his pocket, and links their fingers. Chris’s fingers are like ice.

'You’re freezing. Want to wear my coat?’ Pj says, already beginning to take it off.

'No.’ Chris presses a kiss to his cheek. 'I’m okay. Plus you’re wearing shorts, you’re going to be just as cold as I am. Let’s just get back to your place. I want to have a shower.’

'That can be arranged.’ The two walk, their linked arms swaying slightly with their stride.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Chris and Pj have sheets tangled around their forms. Both of them clinging to each other in harmonious sleep. 

Pj slowly begins to wake up. Holding Chris close. He stares at the ceiling and listens to the rain. He grabs the book he’s reading off the floor, reading from the place he folded the page. He listens out for a change in Chris’s breathing to indicate he’s awake. Whilst reading about dragon people that want to be accepted into an immoral society.

Pj can’t remember the last time he felt this happy. Just content to lay next to someone and read a novel.

And sure they have their problems. Neither of them can see each other the way they want to as much as they want. Their friends won’t approve. Pj could get fired for it or worse.

Pj knows now, how screwed he is because this moment here, makes it all worth it. Every second.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Chris wakes up an hour later, it’s only ten am. Chris is honestly shocked.

'Ah. So this is what the morning looks like.’ Pj snorts.

'Chris, you go to school in the mornings.’ Pj retorts.

'It’s all so foreign to me.’ Chris gestures to the outside world. Pj begins to laugh.

'Good morning sweetheart.’ The two are still laying in bed, Pj slightly twists so he can kiss Chris. Chris returns it despite the inevitable morning breath they both have.

'Morning.’ Chris replies with a laugh in his voice. Pj shuts his book after folding the page down. He slides it back into it’s usual position.

'Breakfast?’ Pj asks whilst leaning upwards, pushing sheets off himself. Starting to climb off the bed.

'Breakfast.’ Chris nods, remaining in the bed. He groans and begins to get up. Pj laughs at him.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

'You have poptarts?’ Disbelief is strong in Chris’s voice.

'I have them filed under 'Shit my friends bought me that I ended up loving’. Do you not want poptarts?’ Pj leans up to get bowls out of a cupboard. Chris takes the opportunity to check out his ass.

'I want poptarts. It just surprises me that you have them.’ Pj turns and poses at him.

'Well I have been told I’m a man of many mysteries.’ Pj returns to making them both poptarts.

'You’re certainly something.’ Chris walks up behind him and kisses him on the cheek, lightly feeling stubble on his lips.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

There’s a knock at the door. Chris has changed into his clothes, Pj is still changing. They’ve eaten breakfast and brushed their teeth together. Honestly, Chris would moan about how couple-y they are if he didn’t fucking love it as much.

'I would offer to get that for you, but I don’t live here.’ Chris says.

'Not to mention as Tyler said, you are my secret boyfriend.’ Pj pulls a shirt over his head, Chris smiles. Not entirely sure at whether it was the use of the word 'boyfriend’. Or because Pj just put on his shirt. The green one that he sort of abducted.  A good powerful feeling swells up in his chest. Another three rhythmical knocks.

The walk to the door, holding hands. Chris breaks away and hides behind a wall.  Pj turns to him before opening it.

He opens it. A young girl stands at the door. Grin on her face.

'Hey Peej.’ She raises her arms around Pj necks and he spins her.

'Pops! You’re supposed to be here tomorrow.’ He puts her back down. 'Shit. Where’s mum and dad?’ Poppy’s face contorts into confusion at Pj’s panicked tone.

'They dropped me off and went to go park the car.’ Relief washes over Pj’s face. 'We have twenty minutes guaranteed, add five for the arguing’ Pj nods. Opening his mouth to call Chris out. Poppy places a finger over her brothers mouth. 'So urgent matter. Who was laughing at you on the phone last week?’ Pj glares at her, comically removing her hand from his face.

'Chris. You can come out.’ Pj says, looking at his sister.

'Chris?’ Poppy questions, leaning slightly forward.

'Hello’ Chris jumps out from behind a wall, with jazz hands. Pj laughs at him. Poppy studies her brother. That smile, the way he’s holding himself. The way he’s looking at…

Shit that’s love. Pj’s in love.

This guy better be good enough for him.

'Hello.’ Poppy offers her arm for a handshake. Chris walks the short distance and shakes it. 'I’m Poppy Liguori. Pj’s sister.’

'I know. He’s told me about you.’ Chris looks between the two siblings. Poppy turns to Pj.

'Oh really? He hasn’t told me  _anything_  about you.’ Chris snorts laughter. He’s honestly surprised that she doesn’t have the same color eyes as Pj. Having her own dark brown ones. She has the same messy brown hair. He’d say that she’s pretty. They are very obviously related. The have similar face shapes and heights, the same way of carrying their shoulders.  'So what’s the deal?’

'What deal?’ Pj asks, hopefully. Poppy glares at him.

'You know exactly what deal.’

Pj looks at Chris. Chris smiles at him and nods. Pj takes a deep breath in.

'Chris is my boyfriend.’

'I fucking knew it!’ Poppy shouts, pointing up at Pj. Pj’s eyes widen.

'Language Pops.’ Poppy tilts her head and glares at him.

'Really Peej? How long have you been dating?’ Pj looks at Chris.

'Only a month.’ Chris says. Poppy nods. Poppy turns to Pj.

'You know this really fucks with the plan Mum and Dad have for you right?’ Pj looks down at the ground. Poppy throws her arms around his neck, grinning. Pj’s face is confused, he returns the embrace regardless.

'That’s great. They need to be taken down a peg. Seriously, coming down a day early just to catch you off guard. Douchebaggery at it’s finest.’ Poppy breaks the hug. 'I still love you Peej.’ Pj smiles.

'I love you too. You do know this has to be kept a secret right? Just for now.’ Poppy nods quickly. She turns to Chris.

'If you hurt him, I’ll find you and I’ll fuck you up to the point that you won’t be recognizable.’ She says all of this with a sugar sweet smile on her face.

'I’m not planning on it.’ Chris says, eyes wide.

'Good. Nice meeting you.’  She begins to walk into the apartment. 'I’m checking for obvious relationship signs by the way. You don’t need to make it easier for mum and dad to guess.’ She slams a door.  Chris falls into hysterics.

'She’s great. I want her around all the time’ Pj shakes his head at him. Grinning to himself.

'God, you do not want her around all the time. She’s a pain in my ass.’ 

'I’m pretty sure I’m the pain in your ass.’ Chris supplies mischievously.

'I did not need to know that.’ Poppy shouts as she crosses the connected hallway into another room.

'You shouldn’t have listened then.’ Chris shouts back before Pj can intervene. Poppy pops out from behind the wall.

'Do you have any siblings Chris?’

'Older adoptive brother.’ Poppy shows no sign of being fazed.

'I’m going to seduce him and there’s nothing you can do about it.’ She throws his backpack at him and he catches it.

'He’s nineteen.’ Something clicks in Poppy’s mind.

'Wait. How old are you?’

'Old enough to be doing your brother.’ Poppy snorts out a laugh and returns to the hallway.

'Chris. Do not make this worse.’ Pj says, eyes wide.

'But Peej. That’s my job.’ Pj shakes his head and smiles. He steps forward hugging Chris. Burying in face into his shoulder.

'I’m going to miss you.’ Chris rubs his back in delicate circles.

'I’ll miss you too.’ The pair break apart. 'Better go before the controlling parents get here right?’ Pj nods.

'Probably for the best.’ Chris smiles at him.

'You’ll be okay. I know it.’ Chris pulling him back in for another hug. Pj swallows. Smelling the calming scent of Chris one last time before his parents get here.

'I hope so.’ Chris goes to pull away. Pj stopping him from separating entirely. Pushing their lips together chastely.  The break the kiss, their foreheads stay connected for a while after. The two fully separate.

'Talk later?’ Chris asks as he walks out of the door.

'Talk later.’ Pj kisses him once more on the cheek. They go their separate ways. Chris down the stairs and Pj back into the apartment.

Poppy is standing, hands on her hips in the hallway.

'I have so much black mail on you. It isn’t even funny.’

'I know.’ Smiling he shuts the door.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Chris: Where are you? (12:12)

Phil: Just at Zoe’s, on my way back xx (12:34)

Chris doesn’t think he’s ever been the first home. He’d gotten through the door and talked to his dad for a while. After this he’d gone upstairs to his room, locking the door as he did so. He lays on his bed listening to music.  He texts Zoe.

Chris: Did Phil actually come back to yours last night or do I get to bully him? xx (12:36)

Zoe: They both came to mine. Nothing bad happened there. We do still get to tease him though. He kept making out with that guy who was just as drunk, also dressed as our English teacher xx

Chris snorts and turns off his phone. Listening to gentle harmonies to send him back to sleep.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Phil isn’t as hungover as Chris wishes he was. Chris had gone to use the bathroom and he’d been waiting for him.

'Where did you go last night?’ Phil walks after him after Chris pushes past.

'Nowhere.’ He puts his hand on the door handle.

'You go there a lot.’ Chris steps into the room and tries to shut the door after him. Phil ducks through the gap in the door before he can close it.

Chris glares at him.

'They know me there.’

Phil is starting to get pissed.

'Seriously, Chris where have you been going all these weeks?’

'Nowhere Phil.’

Phil exhales, exasperated. He places a hand on his face, rubs his face and then removes it.

'You’re clearly going somewhere. Why won’t you just tell me?’

'You don’t need to know!’  Chris nearly shouts. If he could tell Phil, he would. If telling Phil wouldn’t cost him the man he’s in love with, his boyfriend, he would.

'I thought we told each other everything. Do you not trust me?’ Chris takes a second to look into Phil’s eyes. He looks hurt, truly hurt.

'I trust you Phil.’

'Well you clearly don’t!’ Phil opens the door and walks out. Slamming it behind him. Chris bangs his head against it and locks it. Returning to bed.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Chris texts Pj throughout the day. Just sending him reassuring messages. Calling him when his parents get a bit too much.

It’s late at night. The first day of November having gone well or at least alright for Chris.

He’s on the phone with his boyfriend. Or at least his secret boyfriend. Even if he can’t use the word for anybody else, using it makes it all seem less temporary. Less like they are two young people whom lust defeated. Sure, they have sex but they care for each other too. This is a relationship, not just fucking around. That makes Chris happier than it should.

'I miss you.’ It’s late, Chris knows it’s late.  Pj has had a busy day. What with mischievous siblings and controlling parents and all.

'I miss you too. You should really get some sleep.’ Chris is laying in bed. Keeping his voice quiet so nobody in his house asks questions.

'I don’t need-’ Pj yawns.

'I think you do. Goodnight Peej. I wish I could be there.’

'Goodnight, I wish you were here too.’ The line clicks dead. Chris turns off his phone.

He rolls back in his bed. Looking up at the ceiling, slowly closing his eyes.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Chris walks into his English class on time on Monday.

Zoe, Louise, Emma and Luke applaud him. He takes a bow and then his seat.

He winks at Pj when nobody is looking. Pj gives him that beautiful grin back and it makes his day.

He carries on with his work.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Firework night is always touch and go with Chris. Sometimes they get to him and he has a bad night because of them. Sometimes, they’re just aesthetic explosives.

That week it’s on a Wednesday, there’s only one or two, it doesn’t get to Chris. He’s floating on a cloud of happiness. Barely anything is getting to him. Except Phil being kind of pissed off. But Chris is making an effort to only message Pj when Phil can’t see. In an attempt to give him time to cool down.

There’s no fireworks on Thursday.

Friday and Saturday are going to be the two bad days. The days that nobody has to get up the next morning, shake off the glitter and go to work. 

A nearby house is having a bonfire with a firework display. Phil comes in and talks him through it. Holding his forearms. Breathing with him. It ends at about one in the morning. Chris has seen his phone flash up a few times. He chooses Phil over Pj in that moment. There hasn’t been any fireworks for about half an hour. It’s one o'clock in the morning. Both of them are tired.

'Will you be okay?’ Chris nods and Phil stands up from where he was sitting on the bed. He unlocks the door. Chris stands up to lock it after him.

'Goodnight Chris’ Phil smiles at him. He’s so innocent. His best friend. His brother.

'Phil…’ It’s late and Chris is tired. Worn out from exhaustion and memories. He considers telling him everything.

'Yes Chris?’ The hope in Phil’s eyes reminds him of why he can’t do that. Because however much he loves those blue eyes. He loves a green pair differently but just as much.

'Goodnight.’ The hope in Phil’s eyes dies, but he smiles regardless. Shutting the door behind him. Chris walks to it and locks it. He removes his shirt and gets under the covers of his bed.

He texts Pj.

Chris: Sorry I didn’t call. Fireworks set me off sometimes, Phil was with me. I miss you but I’m really tired so goodnight xxxxxx (01:13)

He relaxes, sinking into his bed. The night is cold, he wraps the sheets around himself. Not liking sleeping with the windows closed. He gets up a draws one slightly closer to being shut. With always having the door locked, becomes easy to feel trapped. The room becomes slightly warmer. He gets a return message from Pj as he starts to drift away.

Pj: That’s okay. I’m glad he was with you. I wish I could have been. Will I be tomorrow? I miss you too, goodnight xxxxxx (01:17)

Chris: I honestly would not miss being with you tomorrow for the world. But seriously, goodnight xxxxxx (01:17)

Chris smiles as he easily achieves sleep.

 …………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

The fireworks don’t set him off the next night. He watches them through the window with Pj.

It’s hard to think of bad things when you are surrounded by someone that beautiful. The bright lights illuminate a cloudy night sky. They make it even easier to ignore the noise.

As the night draws on and the fireworks stop. The kisses that had been a constant become more frequent and more passionate. Both of them want more after a long week of messages and longing looks.

A soft yellow toned light bathes Pj’s bedroom. Kisses tasting like the strawberry laces they’d shared whilst observing controlled legal explosions. Clothing hits the wooden floor. The room is warm. Both Chris and Pj are in their underwear. Exploring hands, mouths that have began to learn how to fit together automatically. Slight bites. Moaning ecstasy.

Underwear comes off. Pj’s first. Chris finds the half used bottle of lube and applies some to his hand. Inserting one finger into Pj, whilst Pj squirms with delight. He gasps as a second finger is added. Chris stretching him, lightly fucking him with his fingers. Scissoring him open. Pj moans delicately when Chris hits a pleasurable spot. Chris’s pace becomes faster, Pj’s arousal increasing. Pj begins to beg for him to fuck him. He begs to feel the entirety of Chris. Chris becomes extremely aroused watching. Knowing that he’s causing it. His resolve breaks.

'Chris. Please. I need you….’ And how is Chris supposed to resist that?

He gets a condom his size from the drawer. Breaking the seal and applying it. Pj is left empty. Chris props himself on top of Pj. His body between his legs. He holds himself up on his elbows. His lines himself up and pushes into Pj. He gasps loudly and groans at the sensation of it all. Chris gives him time to adjust. Pj nods and Chris pulls out most of the way. He slams back in. Repeating the motion, again and again. Each time the heat and feel of Pj driving him a little wilder. His pushes become harder, with less timing. He hits Pj’s prostate.  Finger nails digging into Chris’s skin. Chris hits the spot again. Pj moves with Chris to get him to do it again. Craving that pleasure. Chris feels close. A pooling in his stomach. His motions become infrequent. He begins to attend to Pj’s cock as well. Pj moans repetitively.

'Chris. I’m going to…’ His sentence ends as Chris fucks into him again. Causing him to swear with his breath. Chris understands the message. He pulls out one last time and pushes back in as hard as he can. He moves his hand at the same time. Causing Pj to receive pleasure all over. The effect is like a physical shock. He comes, painting their chests with it.

'Christopher…’ Pj cries out.

The use of his full name and the feel of Pj cause him to orgasm also.

He falls down on top of Pj with exhaustion. Pressing a kiss to the side of his neck whilst he recovers.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Chris had cleaned the both of them up again. Pj being temporarily shocked into stillness. When Pj finally gathers the energy to move, it’s to relocate under the sheets of his bed. Chris gets under the covers as well, putting his arms around Pj. Chris strokes his hair as he falls asleep. His last waking movement is placing a singular kiss to the top of his head.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

It’s never easy leaving the next day, for either of them. It’s something they have to do. Both of them accept and loathe it.

Pj makes them both poptarts again to Chris’s amusement.

They shower together. Brush their teeth. Change into actual clothes. Pj laughs at a small hickey he left on Chris’s neck last night.

They don’t like to separate until they finally have to have.

Eventually they do have to. One last kiss, a connection of foreheads, a promise to talk. Which both of them intend to keep.

They both go back to keeping secrets.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Phil notices that Chris leaves again on the Saturday and that he comes back on the Sunday.

With a fucking hickey.

Chris tells him when he’s hooking up with someone. This has been going on for weeks, it might even be more than just sex. But Chris is trying to keep it secret. That means that something is wrong, or that Chris knows Phil would disapprove.

It’s beginning to drive Phil nuts. Whatever Chris is doing. He has to be considering it worse than anything he’s told Phil about.

He’s scared. He’s scared for Chris.

He won’t tell Louise, or Zoe. Emma could help him actually but he won’t risk it.

He needs to make sure Chris is okay. He won’t even tell him that he knows if he doesn’t have to.

If he goes again next week, he’s going to follow him.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

The next Friday is a 'dress up day’ in school. Essentially they give the kids a chance to dress up in a certain theme for a day. Embarrassing themselves in the process. Whilst giving money to charity. This terms theme is fictional characters. Chris realizes something whilst listening to the notices in the morning. His head on the desk.

They forgot to say sixth formers couldn’t participate. It’s fair game.

He shouts this out in the tutor. The whole class begins to buzz with excitement. Chris sits next to Emma, he turns around to face Phil.

'We’re going to have to find matching costumes.’ Phil groans whilst Emma laughs. Turning to talk to Luke.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

A large group of year twelves and thirteens dress up on the Friday. Chris, Phil and their friends included. About half of each of the years are called into a classroom and scolded.

'This opportunity was for younger years. You are all going to be working soon. You can’t afford such acts of adolescent behavior.’

Chris always thought Mr Giles was a twat. 

'Sir, The notice didn’t say any restrictions on age.’ Jack Harries supplies from the front row. His tone conveys a very beautiful 'Fuck you’. Chris wonders why they’ve never really talked before.

'How were we supposed to know that there was a rule?’ Finn supplies from the seat next to him. Both of the brothers are dressed as Jedward. Chris thinks they could have a beautiful friendship. Chris would probably be arguing as well but he’s too distracted by watching Pj. He’s one of the three teachers in the room. The other two are very serious and extremely pissed off. Chris has a feeling that Pj has absolutely no issue with this. Also the fact that Chris can see him desperately trying not to laugh. Chris has to resist all urges to not get up and kiss that smile.

'There’s always been a rule before. The rule still existing is implied.’

Okay, Chris is starting to get done with their shit. This is wasting his photography time.

'Honestly, sir. Nobody here is in casual clothes, we all obeyed the set rules. Everyone donated. Can we go back to lessons? I have an assessment due.’

'Christopher Kendall, you’ll do well to talk when spoken to.’

'You’ll do well to get your head out of your arse.’ Chris says, leaning back into his chair, arms crossed. 'Are you going to send everyone home or are you going to send us back to lessons? I’m getting bored now.’

The two older teachers look at each other.

'All of you wait here.’ They leave the room. The second they close the door, Pj folds in on himself with laughter.

'I take it someone isn’t too pissed that we disobeyed’. Chris says, smirking in his chair.

Pj wipes a tear from his eye. 'I think it’s brilliant.’

'Why didn’t you say anything then?’ Emma asks, with a mild frown.

'Because I don’t want to get fired. Who are you meant to be anyway?’ Emma smiles.

'Nigel Farage.’ Pj starts laughing again.

'And I’m Ed Milliband.’ Luke says, retrieving his fake teeth from his bag.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Chris thinks that Mr Giles and Mrs King must have gone to the headmasters office. Based on the amount of time taken. Chris doesn’t mind though. It’s given them all a chance to show their costumes to Pj. He has constantly crying with laughter.

'Okay so we’ve had. Jedward.’ Jack and Finn wave. 'We’ve had Harry Potter.’ Tom waves. Pj points as he goes around the room, to each of the people he’s talking about. The students occasionally wave or whoop as their costume is called. 'Coraline. Katniss Everdeen. Nigel Farage and Ed Milliband.’ Pj has to stop to snort out laughter. 'President Snow. L and Light. The Flash. Spiderman. Thing 1 and Thing 2. Wonderwoman. Regina George and finally, The Very Hungry Caterpillar.’ Pj turns and points towards Chris's group. 'So what are you guys?’

'I’m Alice in Wonderland’. Louise says, standing up just as everyone else had before her. 

'I’m Tinkerbell’ Zoe announces, Louise slightly moves her wings for her when she stands. Zoe takes a seat again.

'Very nice.’ Pj does a small thumbs up. 'Who are you Phil?’ Chris pulls the hood of Phil’s onesie up for him.

'I’m Pikachu.’

'Aren’t you hot in that?’ Pj asks. Phil nods

'Good’ Chris says, standing up. Phil pushes him slightly and Chris pushes him back. Both of them smiling.

'So finally, Who are you Chris?’ Chris smiles at him.

'I’m Star Lord.’ Chris winks at him. Pj shakes his head and smiles at him. Understanding the double message. Pj sits himself on the edge of a desk. Addressing the class.

'Can you guys keep a secret?’ Pj leans forward. The group nod and shout assent. Pj pulls back the side of his blazer to reveal some braces. The students look at him in confusion. Until he reaches into his inner blazer pocket.

He removes a sonic screwdriver.

The class cheer.

Pj smiles at Chris. Chris rolls his eyes back. His heart starting to fly.

 …………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

The two teachers return to the classroom with a sheepish look. They let the students go back to lessons. Telling them with stern voices that they are not to pull another stunt like this. Phil has to physical hold down Chris’s arm to stop him from swearing at them. Chris hurries back to photography. He walks past Charlie from year 7, he is dressed as Link. Chris ruffles his hair. 

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Pj: You coming over tomorrow? xx (16:07)

Chris gets the message as he walks in the door at home, after Phil. They’re all going over to Luke’s tonight for movie night.

Chris: Yeah should be, I’m with my friends tonight so I can’t message until later. I don’t want anyone to be suspicious xxxx (16:12)

Pj: Okay that’s fine. Talk later xxxx (16:16)

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Chris should be going over to Pj’s at about midday tomorrow. That’s in ten hours. He’s actually exhausted. He’d come off the phone with Pj about half an hour ago.

Imagination of Pj’s arms sends him into sleep.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Phil sees Chris begin to get ready to leave. Throwing on his own shoes. He gets ready to follow. He keeps telling himself that this is just to make sure Chris is okay. If Chris is okay, he’ll leave and he never needs to know he followed him. Chris laughs at a text message and makes his way down the stairs. Phil watching from his bedroom. He overhears Chris talking to their Dad, who is also becoming concerned. Chris leaves the house.

Phil runs down the stairs as fast as he can. He makes it to the window just in time to see which direction Chris walks in.

'Phil, what are you doing?’ His father asks from the sofa.

'I think Chris might be in trouble. Do you think I should follow him?’ Their father debates this for a second.

'Whatever you think is best Phil. But if you’re going, you better be gone.’ He nods towards the door.

'I’m going to go.’ He walks towards the door. 'I need to know if he’s alright.’ His dad nods.

'Good luck’. Phil runs out of the door and down the road. He sees Chris, spotting him from a distance away because of his bright headphones. He crosses the road, and begins to trace his tracks. He hopes that this is the right choice.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

The words ring in Chris’s ears. His heart racing at the idea of seeing Pj.

_My happy little pill, take me away.  
_

_Dry my eyes, bring colour to my skies.  
_

_My sweet little pill, tame my hunger.  
_

_Light within, numb my skin._

The song is ethereal. Chris likes it. The sun begins to go away. He hurries on his way to Pj’s.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Chris has been walking for around half an hour now. He’s turned around twice, Phil did his best to hide by acting innocent. He wears one of Chris’s dark hoodies after having no dark colored ones himself to wear. That should mean that Chris shouldn’t spot him.

His head is spinning with ideas of what Chris could be doing. Maybe he’s joined a gang? What if the gang find him and kidnap him? What if he never drinks ribena again and he gets sold to the circus?

Phil does feel bad for invading Chris’s privacy like this. But he might be in trouble, they look out for each other. They always have done.

He just laughed at another text message.

_What is going on?_

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Chris turns to walk up Pj’s road. Cars occasionally speed past and blow wind through his hair. He stops outside Pj’s building. He calls on the buzzer, which he hasn’t had to use before. Pj clicks the line open.

'Pj. You need to let me in.’

'Of course Sweetheart.’

Chris hears a loud gasp behind him. He turns. The line into Pj’s apartment cuts dead as he hears the next word.

'Phil?’

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

_'Phil?’_

It all makes sense now. Chris was just seeing someone. He certainly had a reason to want to keep that a secret.

Mr Liguori’s first name is Pj. Phil knew he knew a Pj.  He placed the voice instantly. Mr Liguori. Chris is seeing the English teacher.

Then Chris is facing him.

'Phil! What are you doing here?!’ Chris shouts.

'You’re having sex with our substitute teacher. That’s the secret isn’t it.’

'What? No!’

'Don’t lie to me anymore Chris.’ Chris looks into Phil’s eyes. 'Are you having sex with the English teacher?’ Chris’s silence is all the answer he needs. 'I can’t believe you.’ Phil begins to walk away.

'Phil! Come back.’ Chris takes a few steps after him.

'Why should I? You’re a liar Chris.’ Phil turns to face him.The words sink into Chris like knives.

'I couldn’t tell you the truth about this Phil.’

'I can see why! It’s sick Chris! It’s illegal and it’s wrong.’ Phil looks deep into his eyes.'Why did you do it?!’  Chris swallows.

'I fell in love Phil. I couldn’t help it. I fell in love.’ It feels good to say the words out loud. The look on Phil’s face makes him feel sick again. Tears start to come out of Phil’s eyes.

'I can’t hear this anymore’

He turns and tries to run away from Chris. His foot becomes misplaced. He takes a step into the road and then another to balance himself.

He stands directly in front of the path of an incoming vehicle.

He throws his arms in front of his body to brace himself.

He feels an impact.

But it’s not from the machine.

It's from Chris.

He looks up just in time to see his brother get hit by a car.


	2. Chapter 2

Pj heard Chris say Phil’s name on the buzzer. He’d hung up, pulling some shoes onto his feet, he’d ran down the stairs.

He’d ran until he was out of breath and he was at the door.

He was quick enough to see Phil fall into the road. He was quick enough to see Chris throw himself at Phil. Putting himself in his place.

He was quick enough to see the person he loves get hit by a fucking four by four.

Everything becomes a blur. He can feel himself running again. It hurts. It doesn’t hurt as much as his heart does.

There’s a pool of blood surrounding him.

He’s screaming. Pj doesn’t think he knows that he is. His eyes are closed.

Pj thinks he shouts for the driver to call an ambulance. They do.

Pj leans down. Not moving Chris. He doesn’t know if moving him will kill him. He shushes him, gently as he can. He begins to talk, unsure as to whether the words are for his sake or Chris’s.

'Chris.’ He takes his hand. 'I need you to stay awake. Focus on me okay.’ The screaming becomes quieter. Pj begins to panic. He sees his tears hit the ground and mix with the blood. 'Chris. Don’t go to sleep. Stay awake for me sweetheart please.’ Chris stops screaming. His breathing is irregular, shallow and weak. 'Chris. Chris.’ Pj puts his hand on the side of his face. 'Chris, I love you.’ Pj becomes aware of his crying. It’s making it hard to talk. 'Don’t leave me. I love you. Please.’ Pj hears the noises of an ambulance. 'I love you. Fight for us. Please’.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

_'I love you. Fight for us. Please’_

The words are shiny. They taste nice. Chris likes them. Everything is white. Almost like it’s burning. Then the words are gone. He’s alone.

The world is empty. It feels fake. He’s laying in the street outside Pj’s house. It’s grey. Everything is grey. He pulls himself up. Looking at the ground as he gets up. There’s a void where he was laying.

He needs to run.

He makes his way to Pj’s building. Pushing the door, which opens without the code. There’s noise behind him. He runs. Legs like pistons, further up and up the stairs. He screams. Running inside Pj’s apartment. Shutting the door behind him.

When he turns around, it isn’t the safety of Pj’s flat he’s greeted with. It’s his bedroom. Not the one he sleeps in now. The one he used to cower in, terrified of the monster his father became.

He’s coming. Chris knows he is.

Then he’s there. The door slams open. He towers above him. Bony knuckles pounding into his flesh. A punch in the face sends him backwards into the corner of his wardrobe. He throws his arms in front of himself to protect his face. His father kicks him once in the stomach.  Once in the face. The pain is everywhere. There should be blood but there isn’t any. He picks him up. Throwing him back into the wall. Hitting him with his fists and arms. Chris opens his eyes to look at the man who’s been dead for years. He’s exactly the same. Only where his grey eyes used to be, there’s only back demon ones.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

'He’s having a seizure.’ One of the paramedics shouts to the other.

Pj feels his soul begin to crack. 

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Chris father hurts him again and again. He doesn’t say anything. Chris wonders if this version of him even knows how to speak.

He hits as strong as he ever did.

He punches him in the eye, knocking Chris down again. Chris hears something.

_'Fight for us’_

He tries to hit him again. Chris grabs his fist. Using his other hand to hit him back. His father smiles at him. His father grabs Chris’s hand. Pulling him to his feet.

But he doesn’t hurt him again. He just carries on smiling. His eyes melt back into his grey ones. Quickly, his father becomes the man he was when Chris’s mother was still alive. Less skeletal, more muscled, more human.

'I’m proud of you.’ He says. Disbelief at these created words. Chris spits at him.

'You have no right to be.’ Chris retorts.

'I know.’ His father says. He disappears, Chris walks out of the room, without a second look.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Pj hears the words he was praying for.

'He’s stable.’

One of the people that came with the ambulance, comes over to Pj. When Pj looks at the ground next to him he spots another person. Phil. 

'You were both on the scene when we got here. Do either of you know him?’ Pj can’t form words.

'We both do. I’m his brother.’ He turns to look at Pj. Phil stutters. 'He’s a...friend. A close one.’ The paramedic nods.

'We need you to ride with him in the ambulance. We don’t allow friends in.’ Pj nods. He can’t see Chris anymore. He looks at the blood on the road. Phil stands.

'Pj.’ Pj looks up. His eyes are red. 'Do you love him?’ Phil questions. Pj nods, slowly. Eyes back on the road. He begins to cry again. Phil grabs his hand. Writing something on the back of it. 'Text me so I have your number. I’ll keep you updated.’ Phil looks at how broken Pj looks. He can’t help but squeeze his hand. Pj looks at him.

'Thank you’ He chokes out. Phil nods and runs into the ambulance.

A minute later they pull away. Leaving some officials to clean up. The driver of the car, looking shocked. Not their fault. Nobodies fault.

Pj sits on the side of the road and begins to sob.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Chris is walking down an endless road. 

His muscles ache. There’s a painful silence in the air. He walks because he knows he has to. Even if he can’t remember why. The sun is cold and burns him. The surface of the ground is gravelly. His mouth is parched. A feeling of dread makes him want to run. But his body won’t allow it. He feels like he’s lost everything. But his head is too hot to remember.

Chris is walking down an  _endless_  road.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Pj sits on the side of the road until it begins to rain. He stops crying, running out of tears. A female official offers to take him home. He tells her as shorthand as possible, that he lives in the building behind him. She then insists on walking him to the door. They go into Pj’s flat together, Pj taking a seat on the sofa. She takes a seat opposite him. She fills the space between them with words. Not expecting or waiting for Pj to respond. Pj dips in and out of paying attention to her.

She announces that she has to get home. Probably to go back to her husband and two girls. She showed Pj a photo of them. Standing up to leave. Pj makes himself talk.

'What was your name again?’ She smiles at him from the doorway.

'My name is Ellie. You never said your name.’

'I’m Pj.’ She opens the door. 'Thank you Ellie.’ Smiling at him one last time.

'You’re welcome Pj.’ She shuts the door.

Pj sits still. Listening to the tick of a clock. He looks at Phil’s number on the back of his hand. Finally, he gets up, collects his phone and types in the number.

Pj: It’s Pj. Is there any news? (18:33)

He goes back to his seat. He turns on the TV to try and distract himself. His phone goes off and he grabs it viciously. Dreading and needing Phil’s words.

Phil: The doctors say he has a 50/50 chance of survival. They don’t make promises. I’ve not told anyone about the two of you. Chris is stable and that’s all that matters. (19:01)

There’s as much chance that Chris will be dead tomorrow as he will be alive.

Pj finds himself crying again.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

The road becomes too much. His muscles burn. He feels red. He can’t see. Chris falls to his knees. Thirst driving him insane.

He’s going to fail. He’s not going to make it back. The rest of Chris’s body falls to the ground.

Chris tries to move. He moves his right hand up and along the ground.

The gravelly rock which cuts his hand, suddenly turns to grass.

Chris’s eyes stay forced shut. He can hear birdsong, the flow of water. The scent of flowers.

'Come on Christopher.’ Chris recognizes the elderly voice. 'Drinking water is good for you.’ Chris raises his head straight up. He opens his eyes. Seeing a elegant three tiered fountain. He begins to crawl towards it. Moving himself further and further up until he is clutching the side of the pool. He cups his hands and water flows straight into them. The cuts on his hands heal. He drinks the water. His body stands up. His muscles refreshed, he has control over them now. He spots three koi fish swimming happily at the bottom of the structure. He points at them.

'Fishies.’ He puts one finger in the water and the fish swim away.

'Come and sit over here.’ Chris turns to look towards the voice.

He sees his grandfather sitting on a nearby park bench in the shade. Chris walks over and sits next to him. Looking at him as he does so. When he looks back at the fountain, to find it’s gone. It has been replaced with a large lake. Happy ducks swim on it’s surface. His grandfather throws them bread.

'Gramps-’. Chris is interrupted.

'The Lesters did a good job of you. Though you’re a little thin for my taste. They feeding you enough?’ Chris laughs.

'They’re feeding me plenty. I’m just active’

'That’s my boy’ His grandfather says, slapping him on the back.

Chris looks down to see his reflection in the water. There is none.

'Gramps.’

'Yes Christopher?’

'You’re dead.’ His granddad laughs at him.

'I know.’

'Am I dead?’ Chris asks the question which has been burning in his mind.

His granddad shakes his head.

'Not yet.’ His grandfathers blue eyes study him with sadness.

'I don’t want to die. I’ve made promises. Promises to people I love.’ His grandfather returns to throwing bread.

'It’s best not to do that Christopher.’ Chris stands up.

'I need to get out of here.’ His grandfather looks up at him. He sees the determination in his eyes. He sees the classic Kendall grin on his elders face.

'Well then. You best start running. I’ll send you help along the way.’ Chris grins back at him.

'Thank you.’ He kisses his granddads cheek. He vanishes.

The birdsong stops and becomes still again. Chris looks at the land behind him. It is completely white, like a void. Chris walks into a land of grey. The only noise he can hear is the rustle of leaves being brushed by the breeze.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Pj doesn’t get any sleep on Saturday night. All he sees whenever he closes his eyes is blood. Chris’s still body on the ground. He can hear his scream and his breathing. Those breaths which might have been his last.

He doesn’t pick up the phone when his mother calls.

He considers getting drunk enough to be able to sleep in the daytime. He doesn’t do it after realizing just how much Chris would hate that. Seeing as it’s what his abusive father did. He gets a message from Phil on the Sunday that comforts him enough to let him sleep.

Phil: I’m refusing to leave his side. I thought you might want to know that. (21:15)

Pj forces himself to go to work on Monday. He can’t have anyone start to suspect. His first class is one Chris would have been in. He avoids looking in that direction whilst he prepares the room.

Emma and Luke walk into the classroom hand in hand. Pj is surprised, it’s Luke that takes one look at Phil’s and Chris’s table and breaks down into tears. Emma ushers him out of the room. Apologizing sweetly to Pj with a smile. The smile doesn’t spread to her eyes. She claims they shouldn’t have come in at all. They leave.

Zoe and Louise don’t even bother to show their faces. Without the six of them. The class feels quieter. Pj thinks the rest of the class must know what happened. Everyone is subdued. After they leave, Pj cries again. He knows he shouldn’t here but he does anyway. He just wants to be with the person he loves.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Chris doesn’t know when the houses become hills. Or when the hills became mountains. Or when mountains became singular.

He keeps climbing because he knows he has to.

However much his body hurts when he moves. He has to keep going.

It’s getting darker and darker. The sky becoming black.

He’s losing hope.

Falling to his knees, he throws up pure water. He puts his arms on the ground in front of him as he retches.

There’s a hand on his back, rubbing circles between his shoulder blades.

'You need to let it all out to keep going. It’s okay.’ Chris vomits once more. The person puts something on the ground beside him. 'Be strong.’ Chris can’t place the voice. He doesn’t know who it belongs to. He doesn’t have the energy to move. 'Be strong Dad.’ Chris flicks his head around at that. Finding the source of the voice to be gone. They left him a metallic bottle of water. It’s cold. Chris places it against his skin as he puts one foot in front of the other. Again.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Some of the hours that pass feel like years. All the hours add up into days. Days, and Chris isn’t better. He isn’t even allowed any visitors that aren’t his family. Louise and Zoe tried. Phil told him that when it’s clear, he’ll find a way to sneak him in.

Pj feels empty. Tired despite of sleep. He feels guilty.

And that’s why he’s sat sobbing on the kitchen floor. Cupboard doors open to show his collection of herbal teas. Just that memory set him off. 

He feels broken. He needs to talk to someone.

Ironic that the only person he wants to talk to about Chris, is Chris.

It makes him cry harder.

He thinks hard. Who can he talk to? Not Poppy. Not Dan. Sophie?

Tyler. He needs to call Tyler. Tyler can keep a secret. He selects him in his contact list. Placing the phone by his ear. He listens to the phone ring. Not expecting Tyler to actually pick up.

'Oh hey Peej.’ His happy voice sends him back into sobs. He apologizes into the phone and hangs up.

Because the person he loves might die and the only thing he can do is cry.

Pj thinks every single self hatred possible. He’s a failure. It’s his fault Chris is close to death. Everything is his fault. Everything.

He should be the one that dies. Not Chris.

His phone rings again. He picks up, not saying anything. It’s Tyler telling him to _'Buzz me the fuck into your apartment. I know you’re in and I’ve been trying for five minutes’_. Pj does it without saying a word. Unlocking the door so Tyler can come in. He sits on the floor, leaning back onto a sofa.

Tyler takes one look at Pj and his resolve breaks.

'Jesus Peej. What happened?’ Tyler says looking down at him. Pj begins to sob again. Tyler sits down next to him and puts his arms around him.

In Tyler’s arms, Pj cracks. He tells him everything about Chris. Every last detail about how they met. How they fell in love. Each of the stages of it all. The accident. Why Pj loves him. How he’s near death in hospital because of something he witnessed. In the end, he doesn’t say words, he just sobs. He makes Tyler promise to not tell anybody and he agrees.

Tyler knows he should disprove of this. But Tyler loves a bit of musical theater, he loves forbidden love. He can see how much Pj loves him. Plus, it’s not exactly like Tyler is without boy toy.Tyler wishes with his entire soul, he hopes with his entire soul, that Chris wakes up. He know that there are probably tens of people wishing for the same thing. But he wants it for Pj, he’s never seen him this head over heels before. He’s never seen him so upset. So Chris better wake up, he better be the best damn guy for his friend possible.

Tyler strokes Pj’s hair as he cries himself out. When he stops, he leads him to his bedroom. Tells him to get ready for and into bed. Tyler’s fully aware that he’s treating Pj like a child or an extremely drunk friend. He gets him a glass of water. Returning to the bedroom with it. Knocking the door to check Pj is decent. He makes Pj drink the entire thing and checks the last time he ate. It wasn’t too long ago if he isn’t telling Tyler lies. Pj asks him to stay. Tyler doesn’t have work the next day and he knows Pj doesn’t either. He accepts. Getting blankets from a closet for him to sleep in. When he returns to the bedroom, Pj is fast asleep. Tyler sets up camp on the other side of the bed. Just like they used to when they drank too much in university.

He hears Pj murmur Chris’s name in his sleep and Tyler’s heart breaks for him.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

At one point, the mountain turns to a forest. He’s still climbing upwards, but there are tall pine trees surrounding him. Their soft leaves cover the path in front of him. Chris remembers that they should make a different noise when he treads on them. The noise they make is similar to trudging in deep snow.

He climbs up. It continues to get darker. He knows he’s on the right path. But he also fears that he may be going to slowly. He refuses to allow himself a break. Putting foot in front of the other and thinking.

He thinks about his family. He knows how his parents deal with difficult times. They cling together and get through it. He imagines that they are still going to work, trying to keep some normality.

If he is dead, or dies, it’ll be different.

Phil. Phil will be blaming himself. He just hopes that someones noticed. He hopes that their dad has talked to him. He doubts Phil will has asked anyone to help him, but he prays that someone does.

Emma and Luke are always okay if they have each other. That’s what happens when you date your best friend, Chris supposes.

Louise will be okay if she has Zoe or her sister with her.

Zoe will be alright if she has Louise, or Joe, maybe even Alfie.

He thinks about all his more distant friends. They will take comfort in their closer friends.

He’s most worried about Phil and Pj. He hopes more than anything, that Pj has called Poppy. Or told someone about them. He loves Pj. He knows that he will blame himself.

The only way to make all of those people feel better. About whatever has happened to him, thinks Chris. Is to get home.

So Chris carries on placing foot in front of the other, climbing up that hill. For them.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Pj’s phone begins to ring an hour or two after Tyler left. It’s Phil. He swallows and places the phone to his ear. Refusing to let himself break apart, he listens.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Chris is really beginning to hate this whole 'time is fluid’ thing. In fact, it’s really beginning to piss him off. He has no fucking clue how long he’s been here. He might be dying and all he can do is climb up this….

Cliff?

Chris looks around him. The gentle crunchy forest he’d become accustomed to is gone. He stands on a rocky surface again. The rocks have an immediate drop off, a ruler straight line slicing one side of the rock.

Honestly, Chris thinks he might have to call up his shrink when he gets home. If he gets home.

Chris approaches the drop off. Standing as close to it as he dares, he leans over slightly to look at what wait at the bottom.

He is surprised when it is something as timid as a faint blue sea.

'Come away from there Christopher!’ Chris shocked at the voice, takes one large step back. He turns to see the speaker as he takes it. He is stunned into stillness.

'Mum?’

She sits on a large eroded rock a few steps away. Smiling at him softly with her signature pink lips.  She is wearing the yellow and white dress that she wears in one of the pictures Chris has of her. The one he keeps in his wallet.  Her hair tied back in a simple pony tail. She wears her unique purple jeweled necklace. The one she gave to Chris on the day of his granddads funeral.

Chris didn’t remember how young she’d been. When you’re five, you don’t think your parents are young. His mother had only been twenty one when she’d had him. His father had been twenty four.

She’d been diagnosed when she was twenty five, died aged twenty six.

He’d turned into a monster aged twenty nine and died one, aged thirty.

'Come over here Christopher.’ Holding out her arms for him like she would when he was a child. Chris doesn’t think before he runs into them. She kisses his forehead. She smells exactly the same

'Mum. Where am I? What is this place? How do I get back?’

His mother smiles at him again. Her hazel eyes, the ones that match his, crinkle at the edges.

'Slow down. One question at a time.’ Chris pulls slightly away from her. She keeps one arm around him.

His father had been muscled and strong. His mother had been bonier and lean. He’d taken after her.

'Where am I?’ The smile on her face never falters.

'Nobody knows. We could be here.’ She points to Chris’s forehead, her pink nails being shown to Chris. 'We could be there.’ She points up to where the sky should be. 'It doesn’t really matter where we are. What matters is-’

'Getting me back?’ She beams at him. She stands up. She puts her hands out and holds his. Pulling him up so he is standing too.

'Look at you. You got so tall.’ She is a decent head shorter than him. 'And so handsome too.’ She holds the underside of his jaw.

'Isn’t that kind of tooting your own horn?’ Chris asks.

'Oh and funny too.’ She huffs out a singular laugh. 'You were always funny, I’d wondered if you’d still be.’ Tears begin to fall from her eyes. 'I’m so sorry Christopher. I’m so sorry.’

Chris reaches forward and embraces her.

'It’s not your fault.’

'It is. I was the one that died. I was the one that left you with him’ She lets out one mangled sob. 'I died and I left you all alone.’

'Mum, I wasn’t all alone. I had the Lesters, they saved me. It’s not your fault that you got cancer Mum.’ The mother and son look into each others eyes. 'If you hadn’t died Mum, he would have just lost it some other time and hurt you too.’ He wipes her tears away. 'It was in his nature, he didn’t let anybody see it until it was too late.’

'And so wise too.’ She moves her head to the side and Chris swears that for a second, he sees her skull.

'How do I get out of here Mum?’ She looks at him with sorrow in her eyes.

'You have to jump.’ She says, looking at the cliff side. 'That’ll take you further on your journey.’ She reaches out and takes his hand. 'I’m here to show you how.’

She leads him to a certain nook in the edge. Where the ground dips, slightly lower than the rest. She lets go of his hand and sets him facing out to the cliff. Chris swears he can hear the ocean below, even when he couldn’t before. His mother comes and stands in front of him. Taking his hand once more.

'Mum-’

'You just need to run out now. Try and throw yourself as far away from the cliff as possible. But it doesn’t matter too much.’ She puts a hand to the side of his face. Her palm is cold but Chris leans into it regardless.

'I love you Mum.’ Chris says to his birth mother. Something he never thought he would get to do again.

'I love you Christopher. I’m sorry you didn’t have a mother.’ Chris smiles at her.

'I did. You’ve met Mrs Lester.’ His mother smiles at him. She lets go of his hand, for the very last time.

'Good. We’d better get you back to her.’  Chris can hear the tears being held back by his mother.

'I love you.’ He says it one last time, because he can. He closes his eyes.

'I love you too.’ When he opens them, she’s gone.

He exhales. The breath coming out in choked stages due to repressed tears.

He runs and throws himself over the cliff edge. Without a second glance at the void behind him.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Chris feels himself hit the water. It’s thicker than usual.  

He can’t find the surface and he begins to panic. He can hear his heart beat pounding. His body screams for oxygen. He flails in the water, but a current is pulling him downwards.

He tries to suck in air, regardless of the water. Chris tries to stop himself but his body overrides his mind.

He takes a breath, water fills his mouth but he still breathes.

The water is breathable here. This isn’t home, Chris thinks.

He lets himself breath in liquid. It’s uncomfortable but he allows it. He doesn’t make an effort to move, allowing the current to take him.

He doesn’t know how long he floats. Just allows his body to be weightless. 

He brings his hands up, pushing through the water.  His looks at them, all of the cuts have completely disappeared. His hands are healed.

He looks up at the water, even from here he can the white void creeping in on him.

It occurs to him now, that he’s underwater, he shouldn’t be able to see this well.

He begins to swim with the current that’s taking him away from the direction of the void.

With each pull and push of his legs and arms, the water turns to a lighter blue. The water becomes warmer, more alive.

The current begins to take him upwards. Chris looks up and sees sunlight cutting through the surface.

With three strokes of his arms, he breaks into air.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

It’s been a week. Phil and Pj can tell from the looks on the doctors faces when they check on him that they’re losing hope.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Now he’s in a river. 

Chris is starting to get really fucking pissed. He just wants to go home.

Fucking hell is he going to have to go find the Wizard Of Oz?

Is a fucking Scarecrow going to turn up? An extremely camp Tinman? Cowardly Lion?

Well the obvious choice for the Lion would be Phil. Though Phil doesn’t get scared of much.

Who would the Munchkins be? Zoe and Emma? Seeing as everyone else in his life is actually pretty tall.

Pj could be the Scarecrow.

He’s floating with the river. Tall plants surround him. He pulls himself to the edge of the water, climbing out. He feels a melody begin to ring in his head.

_Cellophane flowers of yellow and green,  
_

_Towering over your head.  
_

_Look for the girl with the sun in her eyes,  
_

_And she’s gone._

Chris thinks that this probably isn’t a time to start singing the Beatles. He hums the song regardless, walking along the edge of the river.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

The journey seems endless. As he walks beside the river, things change.

The colours dim and brighten in a pattern. The river quietens even though he’s directly next to it. He hears familiar whispers behind him but he’s scared to turn around.

He hears music. Not his music. But it’s familiar.

It sounds old and raw.

He runs towards it.

There’s a house. He doesn’t recognize it. A vinyl player is the source of the music.

The song finishes leaving the disc spinning.

Chris walks up to it. He takes the needle off and replaces it. He turns the device off.

'This ends now. You know that right?’ Chris turns to the voice. Not wanting to miss them like he did the second time he heard one. The source is barely stood a metre away.

The person speaking is a copy of himself.

His other self has completely black eyes, just like his father did.

'I do.’ The other Chris grins at him, turning his face slightly at an angle. 'Also that line was cliche as fuck.’ Chris grins back at him. Refusing to back down.

Other Chris smiles as he punches him in the face.

Chris can take a hit. He hits him straight back, the other Chris shakes his head. He jumps off the ground and kicks Chris back using both of his feet. Chris gets knocked into the strange house.

He destroys a wall in the process. Flying through it. He breaths in the dust from the destroyed bricks. His other self grabs him by his shirt, pulling him out of the rubble. He fights against the hold but he simply suspends him in the air. Other Chris grins at the struggle.

'You’re one unattractive son of a bitch.’ Chris stops flailing.

'Says the one.’ Chris snaps back.

The other Chris laughs at him. Twisting his head again. 

He lowers Chris in arms and presses their lips together. Closing his eyes into it.

Chris takes the opportunity to punch him in the face. In the other Chris’s surprise, he manages to break out of his hold. Other Chris has a small amount of blue blood running out of his nose.

'Oh honey. I thought we were just starting to get along.’ The other Chris smiles at him. Chris feels sick.

'Sorry. I’m taken.’ Chris tries to hit him again, he grabs Chris’s fist and holds it.

'I’m twice as strong as you.’ Other Chris twists back his arm, putting Chris in intense pain. He screams. 'Twice as fast. You’re never going to win. Why don’t you just give up? I’ll make it painless.’ Chris spits something out. Surprised at the vivid red of his own blood.

'I’ll never give up. I will get home.’ The other Chris tuts him.

'We both knew you were going to say that. You stupid fucker, you just made both of our jobs harder.’

The other Chris begins to beat him. Knowing every spot that Chris hurts most. He cuts over his scars using his fingernails.

Chris tries to defend himself. He fails. Curling up in ball. He cries out.

'I just want to see the people I love.’

The other Chris stops hurting him. Complete black ones looking into his.

'You don’t deserve them. You created me. We both know that you’re a poison to them. They’re better off without you.’

Chris focuses on those words.

'I created you?’ The other Chris swears at him and starts the process of pain again.

Chris realizes something. If he created him, he can destroy him. He’s just as strong as he is.

'We’re the same Christopher.’ The other Chris says. 

Chris catches his fist.

'No we’re not.’ He uses his other fist to uppercut him in the jaw. Knocking him to the floor. 'I’m twice as good as you.’ He jumps up. Placing a foot on the other Chris’s stomach, to pin him to the ground. The other Chris fights against it, but he can’t move. 'I’m going to go home. Because I love them.’ The other Chris on the ground begins to laugh. 'And guess what?’

'What?’ The other Chris says with his dead eyes and fake grin.

'They love me too.’ Chris kicks him once more in the side.

The other Chris vanishes under his feet.

'You did well’.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Chris turns around to see his grandfather at the front door of the house. He smiles at him.

'I tried my best.’ Chris says. Walking towards him. He granddad gestures for him to follow him.

They walk up the stairs. Chris Kendall Senior opens one of three doors in the hallway. The room is small, bare except one small bed. A chest of drawers and a alarm clock. Chris remembers it as the place he was brought to after his dad died. The orphanage he lived in for three days. This room had been a safe haven for him, he had been allowed to start to heal. It’s a happy memory.

'It’s time to go to sleep.’ Chris’s grandfather says, pointing to the bed.

Chris walks over, climbing under the covers. His grandfather tucks him in, kissing his forehead. Chris closes his eyes. He hears the door open.

'Be a good boy Christopher.’

'I will.’ The door shuts.

Chris takes three deep breaths. He hears the beeping of machinery. He feels himself drift away and swing back. The motion feeling like sea sickness.

He opens his eyes.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Chris is in a hospital. He can tell from the smell. The patterned ceiling. The quiet murmurings.

His leg hurts. That’s the first thing he notes. Then it’s how much the rest of his body aches.  He feels a direct source of pain in his arm. When he looks to his left, he sees a drip, which he guesses is the cause.

He finally moves. It’s just his neck. He just wants to see the rest of the room. When he looks down, he sees his leg in a cast.

That’s never a good thing, but it isn’t the first time he’s broken a bone. Plus, he can still feel it.

He head smacks back onto pillows and he groans. This time, he moves his body with his neck so he can look for longer. He pulls himself up onto his pillows. So he’s angled towards the rest of the room. He has to do this squeezing his eyes shut, hissing with pain. There’s a large amount of it in his chest.

When he opens his eyes again. He sees them.

Phil and Pj.

The bed he’s on is elevated. He’s been on similar ones before. They’re tall so that it’s easier for doctors to get to him. They normally put patients that might need immediate attention at any point in them.

It’s tall enough that Pj can rest his head on it without having to curl over uncomfortably. His head is almost directly next to Chris’s wrist. Pj’s arm rests on the bed as well. Chris thinks that he was probably holding his hand when he fell asleep. He can tell he’s sleeping from his breathing and quiet snores. Chris’s heart fills, almost like it could burst. Chris reaches out with his hand, and strokes through Pj’s hair. He leaves his hand tangled in the curls. Taking the soft texture of it in. The dark warm colour reminds him he’s home.

He turns to Phil. He’s in a ball on a large armchair on Chris’s other side. He has a blanket thrown over him. He reminds Chris of a kitten, all curled up, even if Phil is allergic. His glasses are beginning to slip down his nose. He is in reach of Chris, so  Chris removes them for him. Folding them and putting them gently on the bedside table.

There’s some flowers there, and a card. Chris can see the message inside. They’re from Zoe and Joe. Even their parents have signed it. His smiles when he spots the familiar purple shine of his mother’s necklace. He thinks that either his mum or Phil must have brought it, knowing the link Chris has to it.

Phil arm is hanging outside of his ball of sleep. Chris takes his hand and interlocks their fingers. Phil’s warm hands make him realize how cold he is.

He is connected to two of the people he loves most in the world. He takes note of his exhaustion.

He falls back into real sleep.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Phil wakes up first. He’d stayed up talking to Pj about Chris.

He’s not sure how he feels about it. But Chris loves him, and he loves Chris. It was written onto his face the day of 'the accident’. It’s carved there every time Pj looks at him.

They’d allowed Chris to have visitors. Luke, Emma, Zoe and Louise had all come together. All of them talking to Chris. Talking to Phil like everything was okay.

His parents had been forced to go back to work. With the promise that someone would call if anything changed, they did. Phil thinks they’re probably glad for the distraction. They were worried that Phil would be spending all his time with alone at the start. They don’t worry about that anymore. Chris has constantly had at least two people in the room with him, including Phil. Chris’s acting buddies, friends Phil didn’t know he had from Photography. Anybody Chris knew came to see him. Phil lied to people at first. He told them that the visiting hours were different then they actually are. It was so Pj would always get at least two hours with Chris.

Chris is in his own room. Phil has discovered that if you don’t make too much noise. They let anybody stay over night. So when Pj can stay, he does. Phil’s parents work in the mornings and don’t stay at night, so it works perfectly. Phil doesn’t have it in his heart to keep Pj and Chris apart.

Even if he might have broke them apart for good.

People had tried telling him it wasn’t his fault.

Phil knows that if he’d let Chris have one secret. Chris wouldn’t be here. It is his fault. Chris had done this to protect him. Of course when people told him the opposite, he just looked at them or nodded. He doesn’t want the sympathy. Chris deserves it.

Phil begins to yawn, he tries to cover his mouth with his hand.

He arm won’t move. He uses his other one. His sleep deprived mind not picking up on it. He tries to get more rest, curling back up after stretching out his legs. He checks the time on his phone, which lays on the beside table.

It’s five fifty seven in the morning. He looks over at Pj. He’s still fast asleep.

Phil gasps.

Correction. He’s fast asleep with Chris’s hand in his hair.

Correction of the correction. He’s fast asleep with Chris’s hand in his hair and Chris is holding his hand.

And his glasses are on the side. Phil thought they must have just fallen off. But they’re folded.

Chris moved.

Phil begins to cry. Loudly.

It wakes up Pj. Chris’s hand falls from his hair. Pj sits up straight and on alert.

'What’s wrong Phil?’ Pj questions, heart beating fast in his chest. Pj doesn’t notice. Full attention on Phil who’s just looking at his hand.

'Yeah, what’s wrong Phil?’ Chris asks. Grin already on his face.

Pj jumps out of his skin at Chris’s voice. His hand is slammed over his mouth. Chris lets go of Phil’s hand.

'Chris?’ Tears start to come from Pj’s eyes also.

'Hey Babe.’ Chris gestures  to the nearby IV drip. 'Are those supposed to be painkillers? Because if they’re supposed to be, they’re shit.’ Chris debates it. 'And I guess I would know.’  Phil clears his throat.

'They didn’t want you to get addicted to the morphine.’ Chris snorts.

'That’s bullshit. Do they know I got hit by a car?’ Phil visibly winces. Chris wants to take back the words. 'Shit. Phil I-’

'No. No,it’s true. You did.’ Phil tries to smile. 'I was told to call the doctor if you woke up.’

'Phil. I hate to point out that we’ve been brothers for more than a decade. Don’t fuck with me.’ Chris grabs Phil’s hand. 'Not your fault. None of this is your fucking fault alright. Unless you wanted me to get hit by a car and tried to get hit on purpose, this isn’t your fault. It’s just one of those things. You hear me?’ Phil nods, the words calm him but he still feels responsible.

'I’m sorry Chris. I’m so sorry.’ Tears trickling out onto already wet cheeks.

'It’s okay Phil. Whatever you feel responsible for, whatever you’ve done. You’re forgiven.’  Chris squeezes his hand, or at least he tries to. Phil stands up and walks out to get a doctor. Chris turns to Pj.

'Hi.’ Pj says, finally getting out of his shock induced state.

'Hey.’ Chris reaches out toward Pj, Pj takes his hand. 'So I got hit by a car.’ Chris says, trying to lighten the mood. Pj grimaces.

'I saw.’

'Really?’ Pj nods. 'Sorry I put you through that.’ Pj begins to cry again.

'It’s been two weeks Chris. I was starting to think that-that-that you might-’

'I’m sorry Peej.’ Pj laughs through his tears.

'Just don’t do it again.’

'I’ll try my best’ Chris says. He begins to laugh but groans at the pain in causes. The grip on Pj’s hand tightens.

'They’ll get you more painkillers in a minute.’ Pj’s hand begins to hurt from lack of blood supply. He couldn’t let Chris let go if he tried.

'I really hope so.’ Tears begin to burn in the corners of Chris’s eyes as he works through the pain. Seeing Chris in this state just reminds Pj of something.

'I know this place isn’t romantic’ Pj squeezes his hand. The monitor beeps. 'And I know that you’re in pain. But Chris, you nearly died.’ Pj closes his eyes for a second and swallows. 'You would have died not knowing that I love you.’ Pj looks into Chris’s eyes. 'I love you so much it hurts Chris.’

'Pj, you’ll  _never_  guess what.’ Pj’s eyebrows come together.

'What?’

'I love you too.’ Pj laughs again. Even on a hospital bed after just having woken up from a coma. He’s making him laugh. He supposes it’s one of the reasons he loves him.

'I’d really like to kiss you right now but you’ve broken like six bones so I’d better not.’

'Since when did we give a fuck about should?’ Pj laughs, again. He stands up. Walks over to Chris’s head. He leans over him and presses a chaste kiss to his mouth. Chris’s lips are cold, but definitely alive. Pj finds himself crying again.

'Sorry Chris I-’

'Am I really that bad a kisser?’ Chris asks.

'No, of course not.’ He grabs Chris’s hand as he takes a seat again. 'I’m just sort of going through the motions, I’m sorry.’

'Don’t be sorry. I love you’ Chris squeezes his hand. It hurts his arm like hell but he does it anyway. The pain feels good. He’s alive.

'I love you too.’ Pj says, his whole soul feeling lifted. Part of him convinced it’s just a dream.

Chris thinks that there’s no place like home.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

The people that need to check over Chris make Pj and Phil leave the room. Phil has called his parents with the news that Chris is awake. His father had cried down the phone. They are coming straight to the hospital. Meaning, Pj has to leave.

Phil has no idea when the next time Chris will see Pj is. But he’s going to try and make it soon.

He guesses that he’s sort of gained his approval. Whilst the way they met is wrong, they clearly love each other. Pj is only twenty three, though his twenty fourth birthday is only in a few weeks. Chris is nineteen. It could be worse, Phil supposes. Pj is nice, he can certainly see what Chris likes about him. He’d seen Pj cry over Chris’s injured body on the day of the accident.

Phil will keep them a secret. He’ll do whatever Chris asks of him. He doesn’t hate Pj, so he can let himself do that. He owes that to Chris.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Chris’s parents arrive, both of them crying at some point. His mother doesn’t let go of his hand at any point.

Chris has a moment where thinks about his birth mother again. Placing her next to the woman that raised him. He wishes she could see them all. He wishes the woman that gave birth to him could see Phil, Mrs Lester, Pj, his friends. He aches for it.

He’s happy with what he has. But he still misses her and that’s okay.

He’s told they need to observe him for a few more days.

Whilst Mrs Lester is fussing over him. Phil swears once loudly. His mother reprimands him.

'I forgot to call Louise Mum!’ Phil nearly shouts. Fumbling for his phone. His mother shoots a look to his father.

'What day of the week is it?’ Chris asks.

'It’s a Saturday, son. The twenty eighth of November.’ Mr Lester replies. His mother readjusts her grip on Chris’s hand.

'So they aren’t in school?’ His father shakes his head at him. 'Would it be really cruel to tell them to come in without telling them I’m awake?’ 

'What?’  Phil shrugs slightly whilst speaking.

'I mean text saying come to the hospital, but not telling them why.’ Chris answers.

Phil is honestly just glad to see that mischievous glint back in his eyes.  Chris dictates the wording and they send the message.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Zoe comes through the door first. One step in, Zoe’s sees them both and  breaks down in tears. She runs over, throwing her arms around Chris’s neck. Chris cries out in pain and she quickly pulls away.

'Two broken ribs Zoe’ Chris wheezes out. She places both of her hands over her mouth.

'God I’m sorry. Chris, I thought- We thought-with the text’ Chris’s entire body hurts from Zoe’s collision.

'Yeah well, if I’d known you were going to dive bomb me. I wouldn’t have fucking done it.’ Chris is glad his parents decided to go get coffee during this. He has a feeling that might not the only cuss said.

It’s Luke next. He walks in. His eyes go wide at the sight of Chris awake. You can visibly see the weight lift from his shoulders. He smiles.

'I should have known it was a wind up.’ He walks over to Chris. Chris lifts his arm up. Luke slaps their palms together and holds his grip for a second before letting go. 'We thought you were dead Chris’ Luke sits in the chair next to Phil. Throwing himself into it. 'I cried and everything.’

'You cried? Aw bae’ Chris jokes, forcing fake disbelief into his voice.

'Well yeah. You are my friend Chris.’ Luke reaches out taking Chris’s hand and squeezing it before letting it go.  'Plus if you’d kicked the bucket, you’d have left Phil and I at their mercy. Bae.’ Rolling his eyes as he says the last word. Pointing slightly towards where Zoe sits, she’s laughing at them.

They aren’t looking as Emma comes in.  They hear her arrival.

'You’re fucking kidding me.’ The rest of the group turn to her, Chris simply grins from his bed.

'Did you miss me?’ He teases. Emma is choked up, refusing to let herself cry.

'Getting hit by a car was stupid Chris.’ Emma walks over to Chris’s bedside, taking a seat next to Zoe.

'Well I didn’t do it on purpose’ Chris whines. The pain that was making it hard to breath begins to fade away.

'I’m glad you’re okay Chris.’ Emma says. The two smile at each other. They are interrupted by Louise’s arrival.

'Chris!’ She shouts. Beginning to run over. About to throw herself down on Chris. Zoe puts her arm out, catching her and stopping her from hurting Chris.

'Broken ribs Chummy.’ Zoe says, her voice ringing with authority.

'It’s okay. Just be gentle with me.’ Louise lowers, putting her arms around Chris but not crushing him. It still hurts Chris but not as much as it would have.

'Looks like you need some TLC Chris.’ Louise has tears in her eyes whilst she speaks. Phil’s eyebrows lower.

'TLC?’ Phil asks.

'Tender loving care.’ Zoe replies. Phil makes a noise of apprehension and Chris laughs.

'I missed you guys.’ Chris says. Looking around at the emotions painted onto all his friends faces.

'Did Phil pay you to say that?’ Luke laughs. Chris smiles.

'Not enough.’

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

With his friends and parents frequently seeing him, it’s not safe for Pj to come and see him. Chris misses him. After a few sessions of physio and a fuck ton of painkillers. He’d been allowed to go home.

His mother got the week off, so she could keep an eye on him. She’ll go back to work on Saturday, when his father and Phil will be home.

Chris is looking forward to going back to school the next week. Even if he is using crutches and his chest hurts so much sometimes it’s hard to breathe. He should be back to usual bodily functions in about five weeks. He should be mostly fine in three, his leg will be the only thing to take that long.

The doctors keep on telling him he’s lucky. He’s been tempted more than once to turn around and tell them to fuck off because he knows he is. Loving family, friends and boyfriend. All that and he’s alive. He’s the happiest he’s ever been. He’s determined that broken bones will not stand in the way of that happiness. It so very nearly got taken away.

He’s kitchen with his mother. It takes a lot of effort to get him up and down the stairs. Chris refuses to just stay in his bedroom and occasionally move to pee. Even if it’s just a week, he’s in the mental mindset of fuck that.

He’s sitting in a chair, talking to her whilst she cooks and texting Pj.

With Pj’s teaching and his comatose and then barely able to moveness. They haven’t been able to be able to do this much lately. Seeing as Chris requires more sleep than usual.

Mrs Lester is singing along to the radio. He’s laughing with her, occasionally joining in.  It makes his ribs hurt, but it’s manageable. Phil hears the noise and comes in.

He ends up dancing with her whilst Chris records it on his phone. All three of them getting the giggles.

The giggles then resulting in Chris not being able to breath and panicking. He has to take many deep gulps of air before he’s okay again. Phil puts his arm around his shoulder through it. He shoots a concerned look towards his mother. His mother hovering in case she needs to call someone.

'I’m fine Phil.’ He says, putting a hand on his brother chest. Breathing in and out deeply.

'Sure you are. Have you taken your pills?’ Chris shakes his head. He’d wanted to go without them. Phil tuts him, retrieving them and almost forcing them down his throat. His mother scolds him for not taking them. Phil has to leave the room, his guilt not being able to hold for much longer. Chris notices.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

It’s Friday now. Their parents are going away for the next two days. Phil had convinced them. Chris doesn’t exactly know how. Their friends are coming over in a few hours and they are going to spend the weekend there. His parents didn’t exactly want to be there too. They were going to spend the time in Cornwall. It was all last minute, they are very excited. Chris is happy that they are. 

He’s looking forward to getting to see his friends. Even if he aches to see someone else as well.

His mother kisses him on the cheek and his father pats him lightly on the shoulder. He hasn’t actually moved from the sofa in the living room all day. They’re beginning to lessen the strength of his pain medication, he’s feeling the difference. He plans to go back upstairs until his friends get here. He’s exhausted.

He notices Phil with a rucksack.

'What are you doing?’ Chris leans forward, regretting it immediately and falling back. To try and get his chest to stop this mild burning feeling.

'Packing my things for the weekend.’ Phil says, walking through into the kitchen. Placing some of the food into his bag.

'Um, Why?’  Phil pops his head around the door.

'Because I’m sure as hell not staying here.’

'What? You’re leaving me alone? Phil I-’ Phil steps into the room.

'I’m not leaving you alone Chris. I’m going to have the weekend with my friends, just like I said I was going to. Just you’re not.’

'If I’m not spending it with them who am I spending it-’ It clicks. He can feel the grin grow on his face. Phil smiles at him.

'He’s going to be here in about two hours.’ Phil steps back out of the room, he shouts into the room. 'You only have tonight with him though. We’re all coming back here tomorrow.’ Chris tries to grab his crutch, misses and knocks it over.

'Phil, can you come in here please?’ Phil steps in from the hallway. Chris points to it. Phil picks it up and helps him to his feet.

'You want a hand getting up the stairs?’ Chris shakes his head.

'Thanks Philly.’ Chris says, embracing him. Phil doesn’t return it in fear of hurting Chris.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

It takes Chris about fifteen minutes to get up the stairs. He has to take a break halfway up to not throw up. He remembers that he meant to take his pills. He should be fine if he comes back down in a bit. He reaches the top, goes to his bedroom and lays on the bed. Putting his headphones on.

He falls asleep without even meaning to.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Phil went to knock on Chris’s door to tell him he was going to leave.

He’s had no response and it’s been ten minutes. He’s starting to panic.

He knows the spare keys are in the kitchen drawer. He runs down the stairs and begins to tear apart the room. He finds the key in the knife drawer. He’s about to run back up the stairs when he knocks some papers off the side. He picks them up and puts them back on the desk.

He notices Chris’s medicine on the side. Grabbing it, he checks the amounts.

Chris has missed his last two doses.

Phil rolls his eyes and sighs. He begins to walk quickly towards the stairs. He looks out of the window. Seeing Pj walking along the road with a galaxy backpack on.

This would probably be easier with the two of them.

Phil opens the door.

'Pj!’ Pj turns his head to Phil. He lightly jogs up the pathway to the house. Phil smiles at his wild hair and how he looks a little bit nervous. Phil holds up the pill box. 'He’s not been taking them. Want to come tell him off with me?’ Pj’s face is one of concern. He nods and they enter the house. Phil tells Pj to follow him and he does. They go up the stairs and down the hallway. Phil gets the key out of his pocket. He turns to Pj to explain.

'He doesn’t sleep unless-’

'Unless the door’s locked.’ Pj smiles at Phil. Phil is unsure of how to react so he begins to open the door.

It takes Phil a while to actually get the door open, seeing as the key hasn’t been used for years. He finally opens it.

Chris is laying in his bed. On top of the covers. Listening to music like usual.

Pj can’t help but smile as he looks around the room. At first glance it seems simple, but there’s so much to it. There’s no paintings on the walls, just a cork board. Which Chris has pinned pictures to, and small pieces of paper. There’s one large window. The bed sheets are blue. The double bed has a light wooden frame. The wardrobe doesn’t shut properly. There’s a camera on the desk along with two piles of books. It smells like Chris and it definitely feels like a room Chris would call his own.

Phil laughs when he sees Chris. 'That’s typical.’ He turns to Pj. 'Do you want to?...’ Pj nods. He walks over to Chris’s bedside. He kneels down. He presses a light kiss to Chris’s lips. His eyes flicker open. The peaceful expression on his face, quickly turns to a smile. A smile that’s been a lot more frequent recently, Phil realizes. Chris lifts his hand and pulls off his headphones.

'I can definitely think of worse ways to wake up.’ He moves his hand to the back of Pj’s neck. Pulling him down to reconnect their lips for another moment. They break apart and Pj moves so that he is sitting on the edge of the bed.  'Pj, what is up with your hair?’ Chris asks, just noticing how messy it is.

'I tried to tame it but it just made it angrier.’ Pj responds. Chris laughs and it hurts his chest. He hears the noise he makes. Understanding the looks he receives from Pj and Phil. He actually only just realized Phil was there but it does make more sense that Pj was let in. He’s slightly upset that his boyfriend didn’t turn out to be a superhero. He’s pretty sure that’s the point in having one.

'Chris, you didn’t take your pills today.’ Phil says, leaning on the door frame.

'I took my morning dose.’ Chris points out.

'Yeah, let me guess, because mum made you take them.’ Phil snarks at him. Chris frowns.

'I’m pretty sure she put them in my food.’ Pj has to stop himself from laughing. Chris sees it. Looking at him with a smug expression.

'Chris’ Pj grabs his hand, interlocking their fingers whilst he speaks. 'You should take your meds. You’ll recover faster and it’ll hurt less.’ He brings Chris’s fingers to his lips. Gently kissing them.

'I was going to, but I only remembered when I’d got upstairs and it’s harder to go down than get up.’ Chris says. It takes him about twenty minutes to go down without injuring himself. 

'You could have gotten me to get them.’ Phil points out.

'You were downstairs. Shouting hurts, and I’d pretty much already fallen asleep.’ Chris replies. 'I’ll start remembering. I promise.’

'When are you supposed to take them?’ Pj asks. 'I can remind you.’

Chris swears internally. Because he’s not going to lie to Pj and this means that he doesn’t have an excuse not to take them.

He hates being drugged up. His dad was an addict, he could quite easily become one too. It worries him. He doesn’t want to become that. He doesn’t want to become like the other Chris he saw.

'It’s one at twelve, one at four and one at eight.  He takes the one in the morning because of mum or me. He can either take some now and wait four hours or wait until eight.’ 

'You can stop talking about me like I’m not here now.’ Chris starts to lean up. 'I’ll wait until-’ The pain hits and he slams back onto the bed. 'On second thoughts…’ Phil throws the pills onto the bed. Pj reaches over Chris and picks them up. Giving them to Chris. Chris unpops the box. Phil brings the glass of water Chris keeps on his desk to him. He takes the medication. Feeling drowsy afterwards like he always does.

'Thanks.’ Chris says. Neither of the boys take the thank you, thinking it was for the other. Phil begins to walk to the door.

'I’m going to head over to Luke’s house.’ He reaches the door frame. Taking Chris’s key out of the door. He turns to his brother. 'Are you two going to be okay?’ Chris answers him.

'We’ll be fine Philly. Just go.’ The two of them smile at each other.

'I’ll text later.’ Phil says, beginning to close the door.

'Love you too!’ Chris shouts. Phil laughs.

'Love you more!’ He jokes back. Running down the hall before Chris can shout ‘love you most’ at him.

He places Chris’s keys back in the drawer before he goes. He smiles lightly at the memory of how his brother’s face seemed to light up when Pj kissed him. He’s envious of it, but he’s happy for Chris.

He shuts the front door quietly as he leaves.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Chris doesn’t feel like he can actually move off his back which is annoying.

He just wants to go back to living life now. He got hit by a car, he nearly died. It’s made him more determined to love and live, but his bones say he can’t.

Plus he’s next to Pj, so certain bones of his want to do things. Things he can’t exactly do, without passing out. Pj moved around to the other side of the bed when Phil left the room. Laying down on the bed next to him. Curling into Chis’s side, closing his eyes. Chris has his shoulders propped up onto the pillows. Meaning he’s not laying completely flat, and is instead angled. He looks at Pj’s relaxed body. He puts his arm around him, stroking his side gently. Pj murmurs something into Chris’s side. Chris can feel the vibrations of his voice. Chris chuckles, not allowing a laugh to reach his chest.

'What was that Gorgeous?’ Chris asks. Pj pulls away from his side so he can speak.

'I said I missed you.’ Chris gets preoccupied with one of Pj’s curls. Putting it between his fingers and playing with it.

'I missed you too.’

'Did you just call me Gorgeous?’ Pj asks, smiling up at Chris. 

'I think it’s accurate.’ Chris smiles back at him. 'Unless you want me to pick another one Snookums?’ Pj grimaces.

'Stick with the first one.’ Pj replies.

'Sure thing Baby Cakes.’ Pj raises an eyebrow at him. Chris sighs. 'Okay then Beautiful.’ Pj smiles at him. He moves up onto the pillows, looking to the side and at Chris’s face. He interlinks their fingers.

'Nice room by the way.’ Pj says. Chris snorts.

'I’d say it’s pretty bare compared to yours.’

'I believe in organised chaos.’ Pj responds. Chris can’t help but laugh at him. Making his whole upper body turn to flames. He cries out. Pj squeezes his hand, apologizing repeatedly until Chris can talk again.

'You don’t need to say sorry for making me laugh Peej.’ He digs his finger nails into his palm. Pj lets go of his hand . He rolls over, So that the side of Chris’s body is pressed against the front of his.. Being careful to not hurt him, he kisses him. It was only supposed to be a peck. Chris refuses to let him go that easily. He quickly raises a hand, putting it on the back of Pj’s neck. Chris slips his other hand under Pj’s body. He puts it on Pj’s ass. He squeezes, making Pj gasp and slips his tongue into Pj’s mouth. Pj moans. Chris spots a small amount of yellow in Pj’s eyes when he opens them. Pj moves up a centimeter by accident. He leans on Chris’s chest. Quickly moving away when Chris cries out.

'Shit! Sorry Chris.’ Pj looks panicked. Chris laughs. His ribs in agony.

'Totally worth it.’

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

'Guide me around your room’

'There’s nothing much here.’

'That’s a lie.’ 

Pj smirks at Chris when he glares at him. Chris sighs.

'Fine’ He moves back up on the pillow. Dragging his body, the pills have began to kick in but he still hisses slightly with pain. 'I can’t exactly move though.’

'That’s fine. ’ Pj is laying down next to Chris, who is now sitting up. Pj pushes himself up with his hands. He kisses Chris’s neck lightly before he climbs off the bed. 'Guide me.’ Chris smiles at him. Pj goes to his desk to begin with.

'Can I open this?’ He asks. Pointing to the drawer.

'I don’t have any secrets.’ Chris responds. Pj pulls it open. Removing the one thing inside. His face confused. 'I have two cameras. That one’s older, it prints the pictures straight away. The other one is more professional.’ Pj makes a face of understanding and nods. He places the camera in his hands next to the one on top of his desk. He shuts the drawer and opens the smaller one on top.

'What are these?’ Pj says, smiling.

'They’re my scrapbooks.’  Chris sounds embarrassed. 'They’re probably the lamest thing here.’

'And the most interesting.’ Pj grabs them all, the entire rainbow present. He shuts the drawer with his hips. Making Chris laugh. He walks and puts them on the bed next to Chris. 'Show me.’ Chris smiles, uncomplaining.

'Okay. But they all start on the board so if you want the lastest one, you’ll need to get that.’

'I’ll get it when we reach it.’ Pj sits back on the bed. Chris can’t help but finding his wiggling to get comfortable adorable. 'Which one first?’

'The pink one.’ Pj huffs out laughter.

'Of course.’

‘I was twelve’ 

‘Even better.’

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Pj gasps at the first page. It’s a simple picture of Chris and Phil. Both of them smiling into the camera, Chris is taking the picture. He has his arm around Phil.

They look so different, Pj notes. So young. Chris’s smile is exactly the same now even though it’s been seven years.

'That was the first picture I took on my own camera. I put it up on the board which I’d never really used before. I just kept adding stuff to it and eventually the board was full of stickers and pictures. Just stupid things. Mum bought me the book for me to put them in, as well as a load of others to fill. I put all the stuff on the board, into the book. Then I started adding more to the board again. Until the board got full again. I just carried on like that. I don’t think she expected me to keep on doing it this long.’ Chris shrugs. 'But it’s fun. I like it.’

'It’s amazing.’ Pj adds. Flicking through the pages. Laughing at the notes the younger Chris had left next to pictures. The stickers and cinema tickets. Occasional little cursive song lyrics. It’s very Chris.

'It’s not amazing. But I like it.' Chris runs his fingers over the spine of the nearest book, it’s yellow. 'I only have two blank books left. Green and Silver.’ Chris subconsciously looks towards where he has the two books stored, his wardrobe.

'Then you’ll just have to buy more.’ Pj is thankful for the dates which are scrawled in tiny letters in the pages. On the top right hand corner. The first scrapbook ends with his thirteenth birthday.

Chris passes him the next one. It’s orange.

The first picture is another photo of Chris and Phil. This time it is being taken by someone else. They are posing. Chris is wearing an entirely white suit and Phil a mixed black and white one.

'The school play. Phil was 'Knuckles’ and I was 'Dandy Dan’. Phil only did it because I forced him to.’ Chris laughs to himself.

'You both look adorable.’ Pj says, looking at the picture on the next page. Which has the both of them on the front of the stage, pieing each other in the face. The both of them hugging in the next picture.

Pj turns the pages. Chuckling at Chris dressed as a pumpkin for Halloween. Phil dressed as a cat. A page of song lyrics. Some cinema tickets. Chris sitting with a row of people Pj doesn’t recognize.

'My old drama group’ Chris supplies. Pj nods. 'We put on a pantomime that year.’ Pj nods again. 'I was the dame.’ Pj laughs. Turning the page to see a picture of Chris dressed as a woman. One of the other males of the group having picked him up bridal style.

Christmas. The next page having a picture of Phil asleep. A picture of Phil waking up and then a picture of Phil looking incredibly pissed off. Finally, a blurry picture. Symbolizing Chris’s running away at the time. A picture of the entire family at Christmas. A picture of Phil and Chris asleep on the sofa.

The next year passing by in pictures. Snow. New Years.  Phil’s birthday. A valentines card stuck into the pages, sent as a joke among friends. Cinema tickets. Concert tickets. Laser tag score sheets. An entire page of the lyrics to 'Hey Jude’ by the Beatles. Book quotes.

Chris wrote a letter to his birth mother on the anniversary of her death. A picture of a woman with Chris’s face shape and eye colour underneath. She’s doing a peace sign and is smiling into the camera.

Chris has also written the year she was born and the year she died above the photo. Pj is shocked when he works out that she was only twenty six when she died, not that much older than he is now. Pj reads the letter.

_'I feel like I should miss you but I didn’t know you. So I can’t and that’s unfair.I love you though. Everything about you that I remember, I love. I feel so alone sometimes, is that because of you?’_

Chris smiles out a laugh.

'I wasn’t alone. I never was.’ He looks up at Pj. 'I know that now.’

Pj grabs his hand and kisses him lightly on the lips. Before continuing to flick through the book.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Certain pages stick out as he goes through the four other books.

Birthdays. Summer days. Seasides. Sandcastles when Chris was fifteen. Phil and Chris going to a wedding in matching suits. His prom when he was sixteen. Chris’s last days of year eleven. Some of the more artistic studying notes he’d glued in. Another page of quotes. A sonnet about feeling love differently. Chris and Phil on a beach, Chris completely tanned and Phil bright red. Chris’s note claiming that this clearly made him the superior sibling. A couple of photos of a higher quality, Pj guesses from his photography course. A picture of Violet and Chris smiling in isolation.

A group picture of Chris, Phil, Zoe, Louise, Emma and Luke. Another one of Chris, Bertie, Jack and Dean in his drama class. Chris taking a picture of himself with sunglasses on. Another one of him, in a plaid shirt without sleeves. Fake piercings, pout on his face.

'You look kinda hot.’

'It was for a role. I was Carl in Chaos.’ Pj raises an eyebrow at him. 'I still have that shirt you know.’ Pj leans over and kisses him once more.

'Good.’

Turning the pages, this is the most recent book. He’ll have to return the books and read the cork board in a few minutes.

Pj turns the second to last page to find pictures of a variety of people. Spreading over the two pages. Each of them have their own picture. Starting with Chris’s family, moving onto his close friends. Each of them have a small amount of writing underneath. Pressed into the photography paper with a biro pen.

Pj reads all of the words. Figuring out quickly, that they are quotes for the person.

Phil’s picture has him smiling at the camera. He’s clearly mid laugh. Pj would guess at something Chris had said.

‘ _If the sky comes falling down,_

_For you, there’s nothing in this world I wouldn’t do.’_

The words are written in a small text, so it can fit into the space in Phil’s photograph.

'When I started writing those. I couldn’t think of any for a few of the people. Louise’s was particularly hard. Phil’s was the easiest.’ Chris looks at Pj, who is completely enthralled by the book. 'If I made one for you, it would be easier. The problem would be that I could only pick one song.’ Pj looks at him. Those green eyes striking Chris’s heart again. 'I think of thousands whenever you’re near me.’ Pj smiles at him.

'You know you’re already sleeping with me. You don’t have to seduce me anymore.’ Pj jokes. Chris huffs out air.

'What would be the fun in that?’ Chris jokes. Pj laughs.

'I love you.’

'I love you too Gorgeous.’ Pj’s heart jumps up at the nickname.

He looks at the quotes Chris wrote for his friends and family.

He doesn’t recognize the ones he’s written for his parents. Or the ones Luke and Emma have scrawled beneath them. Though Emma’s has lots of swearing in.

Louise and Zoe’s ones he knows and thinks they are both fitting.

Zoe has the Beatles beneath her.

_'Blackbird singing in the dead of night,  
_

_Take these broken wings and learn to fly,  
_

_All your life, You were only waiting for this moment to arise.’_

Louise’s is by Paramore. Poppy loves this song, she plays the album in his car sometimes. Loudly singing the words until her voice cracks.

_'Would someone care to classify, Our broken hearts and twisted minds,_

_So I can find, someone to rely on. and run to them, to them,_

_Full speed ahead,_

_Oh, you are not useless.’_

Pj turns to find Chris pressing two of his fingers to his temple.

'Are you okay?’ Pj presses his hand to Chris forehead.

'Yeah, I’m fine. Just getting a bit of a headache.’ Pj strokes the back of Chris’s head before taking away his arm.

'I love your books. I wish I’d done something like this when I’d grown up.

'Really?’ Chris asks, his voice surprised.

'Hell yes. Have you shown them to anyone else?’ Chris shakes his head.

'Only Phil, and he’s not seen all of them.’

'You should. They’re brilliant.’

'Thank you. But I think I’ll keep them to myself.’ Pj shrugs, tilting his head and smiling.

'Whatever you want. I love you.’

'I love you too Peej. You finished with that?’

Pj flicks to the last page of the book. It has some pictures stuck in.

The first picture is of Chris’s eyes and he’s looking to the far left. Then it’s Zoe’s eyes and she’s looking slightly closer to the center. Then Louise’s, looking even closer but still not central. Then it’s the central eyes, which has six cutting points, six pairs of eyes in one set. Then Emma and Luke are looking slightly to the right. Then Phil is looking fully to the right.

'Have they at least seen this?’ Pj says gesturing to the artwork on the page. Chris laughs.

'Yes, it was my photography coursework. You finished now?’

Pj nods. Gathering all the books into his arms. He stands up and gently places them back into the drawer. Chris yawns.

'Are you tired? We can go to sleep…’ Chris blinks a few times.

'Actually that sounds brilliant.’ Pj begins to walk back to the bed. 'There’s clothes you can wear in the drawers.’ Chris points over the his chest of drawers and Pj selects some pajamas. 'You can get changed in the bathroom if you’d like, it’s two doors to the left.’ Chris gestures with his head as he speaks.

'Thank you.’ Pj walks to the door and unlocks it. Stepping out and going down the hall. Chris takes the time to change in dignity, he can’t exactly be graceful with a leg cast on. He chews some gum to refresh the mint taste in his mouth, he brushed his teeth earlier. He hobbles over to the bed and gets under the covers. Closing his eyes. Pj walks back in and locks the door behind him. He walks over to the bed, choosing to sleep shirtless like he always does. He climbs under the covers, pressing a kiss to Chris’s lips. Pj’s mouth tastes like mint. He’s guessing he brushed his teeth with his finger or a magical teleporting toothbrush. It may remain a mystery forever. Pj turns off the light.

'I’m sorry if I’m being boring.’ Chris says meekly.  Pj’s eyebrows crease.

'You could never be boring.’ He responds, as if it was obvious.

'Even if I tried?’

'Especially if you tried.’ Pj laughs out. He curls up into Chris’s side. Chris puts his arm around him, Pj rests his head on his shoulder. 

‘I love you’ Chris whispers.

‘I love you too’

The two enjoy each others calming presence. They fall asleep.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Chris wakes up already tired. It’s supposed to be a good sign. The healing process is working. He just wants to be good again.

'You up Sweetheart?’ Pj asks. Chris can’t feel Pj’s warmth at his side. When he opens his eyes, he sees Pj on the bed next to him a short distance away. He’s reading one of Chris’s books.

'Nerd.’ Chris says, voice thick from sleep. Pj laughs.

'Good morning to you too.’ Pj winks at him. Slamming the book shut and placing it on Chris’s bedside table. He stands up. Walking over to his backpack. Removing his shirt and putting it on, it’s the one that used to be Chris’s. Chris smirks at him, shaking his head.

'I love you.’ Chris voices whilst watching Pj do up his buttons. An intense face of concentration on his face. Pj looks up at him and smiles.

'I love you too.’

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Pj and Chris are laying back on the bed. They are currently residing on top of the covers. Tangled together in such a way as to not hurt Chris.

'Mr Harris is retiring’ Chris’s eyes widen. 'The school offered me a permanent position.’ Chris looks away. Unsure about how he feels. 'I turned it down.’ Chris looks back into his eyes.

'Why?’ Pj smiles.

'I didn’t want to always be your teacher. I want to just be your boyfriend. I also had an offer from another local school. Without the sixth formers. It just makes more sense to work there.’ Chris feels bad about being one of the reasons Pj will stop working at his school. His excitement overrides it.

'Why without the sixth formers?’ Chris asks, curious.

Pj smirks at him. 'I’ve found that they’re actually a hell of a lot of trouble.’ Chris laughs at him. Pj props himself up and kisses him. 'I won’t be teaching you after Christmas.’ Chris grins at him.

'Were you planning on telling me any of this?’

'Well there was that whole you nearly died thing. I also only found out it was definite yesterday.’ Pj slumps back onto the bed. 'Which meant that I could do some thinking yesterday and-’

'Oh no. You shouldn’t think Peej, you could injure yourself.’ Pj rolls his eyes.

'Ha ha. I was thinking that, if you wanted, we could pretend to get together next time Tyler has a party. Then none of our friends would ever think we started dated whilst I was teaching you.’ Pj looks over at Chris who is looking back with an eyebrow raised. 'That’s only if you want to tell people. We can stay a secret or-’

'No, I want to tell people. And you’re right, it would be best to say we started dated at one of Tyler’s parties. He knows about us right?’ Pj nods. 'So it would be easy. I just didn’t think you wanted people to know.’ Pj smiles absentmindedly whilst looking at his boyfriend.

'Honestly, whether we tell people about us sooner or later. Whether I tell my parents and all my friends. I don’t really care, as long as at the end of the day, I get to be in love with you.’

'That was so sweet I might actually throw up.’ Pj glares at him. 'Oh I love you too and you know I do.’ Pj beams at him.

'Then one day we can tell everyone without everyone getting too creeped out. Until then we can continue the forbidden romance.’ Pj says.

'I wouldn’t have it any other way Romeo.’ Pj snorts.

'Does that make you Juliet?’ Chris ponders on the question.

'There is a large amount of sexual tension between Romeo and Tybalt. We could be them.’

'I don’t want to kill you.’

'Well we don’t have to go that into detail do we!’ Pj finds himself in fits of laughter. He swears that if Chris wasn’t so funny, he’d kill him.

'Thanks for ruining one of the books I have to teach Chris.’

'It’s been a pleasure.’ Chris winks at him.

‘You do also know it’s less than a week until my birthday right?’

‘I do. I’m the best boyfriend ever.’ Pj laughs at him

‘You’re certainly something.’

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Phil comes home an hour before their friends are supposed to arrive. He left them all saying that he had to check on Chris and clean up a bit. They didn’t question this. Phil really just needs to make sure Chris’s secret boyfriend is gone. He does feel bad about making Pj go, but Chris’s friends want to see him too. Chris should be going back to school this week anyway. It shouldn’t be too long until Chris and Pj see each other next.

It’s been weird enough being taught by Pj by himself. Knowing about the happenings between his brother and his teacher. For the last month. Probably more than the month. He doubts either of them would risk so much on lust. He knows for definite that it takes more than a month for Chris to fall in love with anyone. Chris is very definitely in love with Pj. Phil would be so happy for him if it wasn’t for the few obvious factors. Pj is nice though. Chris could have picked a lot worse.

Phil isn’t surprised that Pj is still with Chris.

'Nice shirt.’ Phil says from the bottom of the stairs. He makes Pj jump, he was walking back along the hallway when Phil spotted him. He stops walking and looks at Phil.

'I think so.’ Pj fondles the light green collar of it.

'It’s one of Chris’s.’ Phil responds dryly.

'Correction, It was one of Chris’s!’ Chris shouts from his bedroom. 'It looks better on him!’ Pj laughs and shrugs. He makes his way to Chris’s bedroom. Phil notices that he’s carrying a glass of water. Phil jogs up the stairs and along the corridor.

He stands in the door frame of Chris’s room. Pj and Chris are sitting together on top of Chris’s bed.

Pj has his hand on Chris’s back, rubbing reassuring circles there. He whispers something into Chris’s ear. Chris puts his pills into his mouth and swallows them with a large gulp of water. Chris grimaces afterwards, making a noise of disgust.

'I fucking hate this.’ Chris says, not having realized Phil is watching.

'I know you do. But you have to do it.’ Pj responds, still rubbing his back. Chris turns his head and tucks it into the crook of Pj’s neck. Pj kisses the top of Chris’s head. 'I told Poppy you weren’t very well the other day. She told me to tell you to get well soon.’ Chris comes away from Pj’s neck and looks at him, smiling. 'Then she said that actually. _Don’t get better soon if it means you’re going to go back to defiling my brother_.’ Chris laughs, knocking his ribs in just the wrong way, cringing from the pain. 

'She’s great.’ Chris wheezes out.

'She really is.’ Pj says, concerned. He kisses the top of Chris’s head.

Phil realizes that it’s probably creepy that he’s been watching so long.

'Uh, guys?’ Phil says. 'Everyone’s coming around in a bit. It’s probably best if you go.’ Pj nods.

'Can’t he just stay in the cupboard?’ Chris whines.

'I’m not going back into the closet Chris.’ Pj replies, smiling when Chris snorts.

'You’re still in the closet!’ Chris shouts, laughter hurting his body again.

'I’m getting there.’ Pj says, eyebrow lifted. 'Only mum and dad to go.’ Pj adds. He looks up to the left. 'Tyler guessed my magical gayness. When I told my friends, barely any were surprised.  I wonder if they’re going to be completely shocked, Poppy wasn’t.’

'Your magical gayness?’ Chris asks.

'You didn’t think you were homo superior did you?’ Pj jokes. Standing up. Chris snorts again.

'Oh my fucking god Peej.’ Chris says in between fits of laughter, having completely forgotten his brothers presence. His cheeks have turned pink.

Phil hadn’t really understood how the both of them fit together before today. Watching them both, he begins to understand.

'I love it when you blush.’ Pj says, standing up, watching Chris dissolve into laughter. Trying to avoid moving his stomach.

'I love it when you tell me you love me.’

'Conceited much?’  Pj sasses. 

'Oh help me up you prick.’ Chris responds, smiling. He kicks the air with his good leg.

'Of course.’ Pj says, walking around the bed placing a kiss to his forehead.

Phil walks away. Deciding to have a shower so he can think over what he just saw.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Phil comes out of the shower. He dries his hair. Moisturizes. Finally, he changes into comfortable clothes for the movie marathon.

He walks along the hallway, about to go around the corner to go downstairs. He hears voices and stops. Pj and Chris are by the door. Their lips connect once quickly. Breaking apart.

'I’m going to miss you.’ Pj says, quietly. Phil really doesn’t want to be creepy but he can’t help himself. He listens in.

'I’m going to miss you too.’ Chris leans up slightly, not as much as he could before he had a cast on. He kisses Pj’s forehead. 'I love you.’ Chris leans back down. Pj kisses him. For a longer time than last.  Each of them desperately connecting whilst they still can. When they finally break apart, Chris has the odd mix of sadness and happiness. The happiness always wins, that’s what’s changed in his life.

'I love you too.’ They kiss again.

Phil walks away. He lets them have this. They deserve it.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Pj leaves. Whilst Chris is sad to see him go, he is also happy.

His friends arrive. They curl up together on the sofas. All of them write things onto Chris’s cast. Each being careful not to hurt him. The flesh under the cast was cut deeply during his accident. So they have to be careful.

It’s when Chris looks around him and sees it from brand new eyes, that he realizes how lucky he is.

He has his arm around Zoe. She doesn’t like scary movies and occasionally tucks her head into Chris’s shoulder. Louise sits on Zoe’s other side. The three of them telling jokes as the fake blood is splattered on the screen. Emma sits in Luke’s lap on the other sofa. Both of them heckling the people making stupid decisions. Cheering when someone they don’t like gets killed. Phil sits on the ground, the carpet and a blanket that Zoe put around him keeping him warm. He stays quiet but as always, his presence makes Chris happier.

This is it. Chris realizes.  He isn’t sad anymore. These are the people he loves, these people and his other family. His adoptive parents. His drama buddies. Pj. They are all home to him.

He’s so fucking glad of it.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Chris’s mother takes both of her children to school on the Monday. Constantly rechecking that Chris is ready for this. His ribs are healing up. It’s been three weeks since the accident now. Phil helps him out the car and supports him when he needs it. Even if Chris doesn’t ask.

When he walks into his English class, he gets an actual applause. From his friends, from the people that know what he did for his brother.

Pj doesn’t clap. He smiles at him and Chris smiles back. Phil doesn’t find seeing them both as weird as he thought he would. Mostly because of what he saw on Saturday. Chris has problems getting to his seat.

'Why did we sit so far back Phil?’

'Because you wanted to.’

'I did not.’

'In our first lesson, you said and I quote, ’ _We’re sitting at the back, fuck that noise_.’

Chris turns to face his brother.

'Prove it.’

Phil sighs, rolling his eyes. His smile contradicting his actions.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Four days of Chris hobbling around and Emma laughing at him and it’s Friday. Pj’s birthday.

Chris stayed up on the phone to be the first person to say 'Happy Birthday' to Pj. He was, but his pills kicked in about ten minutes afterwards. He had called Pj an old man and fallen asleep. Pj knew he’d taken them and had found it hilarious. Sending Chris a message for when he woke up.

Chris is going to over to Pj’s after school. Pj is going out with his friends tonight. Not his own choice but he’s a little scared to say no to Tyler sometimes. But he wanted to see Chris.

School begins, Chris takes some artistic pictures. He passively participates from his chair in Drama. Pj decides to do some fun classes. Making his classes, which only start in third period, write short stories. He gives one class the choice between three prompts. He tells one to write a story about the person they love the most. Finally, one class writes a stories about an alternate universe of themselves. He gets some interesting responses in all three. In his second class, he’s pretty sure a girl told her best friend she was in love with her. It’s always nice to see young love, especially the kind that’s more real. It pinned his already high emotions to the ceiling.

School ends, Chris goes home. He takes his necessary medicine and waits for Pj to get there. They’re going to Pj’s place but seeing as he can’t exactly walk, Pj is picking him up in his car.

Pj texts him, after huffing out air as he gets up. Chris walks out the door, and down the road. Pj is leaning against his car. It’s a sunny day, Pj is wearing sunglasses. Chris’s looks at him, his skin golden in the light. Curls accentuated. Smiling. Beautiful. He tells him. Pj takes his glasses off, raising an eyebrow. And Chris thinks the exact same thing again.

'I think you’re beautiful too Chris.’ It’s Chris’s turn to raise an eyebrow.  He doesn’t think he’s anything compared to Pj.  But when Pj calls him beautiful, he means more than looks. Because what makes Chris beautiful is his smile, his mind. Not that his looks are anything Pj will complain about.

They drive the short distance to Pj’s flat. The stairs are a problem for Chris but as his ribs are healing, he manages it. Pj nearly falls down the stairs after laughing at Chris’s sarcastic commentary.

They melt into each others arms seconds after they get through the door. The way they always do with each other. The way they always will.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Pj is going back to his childhood home for Christmas. He’s going to have one last Christmas with his parents thinking he’s straight. He’s going to tell them he’s gay in the new year. He thinks there’s about four ways it could go. He prefers the fourth option but it’s still not good.

School ended yesterday. Pj knows that Chris was getting dragged to a party at Luke’s house. Pj’s last few days of teaching at Chris’s school were brilliant. He received several cards from students. A year nine brought in chocolate for everyone, including him. 

Chris decided to dress up as Father Christmas without telling anyone. The school board tried to isolate him but nobodies heart was truly in it. Chris thinks it’s probably because he’s still got his cast on. Even if his ribs have healed to the point that they don’t hurt anymore.

Chris’s year spent the last day of term in English. Chris had a lot of people sitting in his lap. Pj couldn’t deny a small amount of jealousy flaring up. Every time somebody did it, somebody would be suggestive.

Granted that somebody was mostly Chris.

Chris is coming over today and Pj is leaving tomorrow. Tomorrow is the twentieth of December. Honestly, Pj is just looking forward to seeing Poppy. He’s dreading seeing his parents and Chris knows he is. He’s been pretty much tearing his own hair out. He can’t sleep. He’s having issues eating. 

Chris has been helping him, even if he doesn’t realize he is.  

There’s a knock at the door.

Pj shuts his book, after folding the page. Chucking it down onto the sofa. He quickly walks toward the door. Opening it as quickly as he can.

Chris is of course standing there.

Pj chucks himself at him. Connecting their mouths, fingers in Chris’s hair. On Chris’s neck. Pj breaks apart to get him into the apartment. Seeing as he can’t exactly walk. Shutting the door with his leg. Pj turns to see Chris looking at him with an eyebrow raised. Pj looks at his lips again. Moving forward to kiss him again. Chris raises his hand and stops him.

'What’s wrong?’ Pj reaches up, grabs his hand and lowers it.

'Nothing.’

They kiss again. It only lasts a second. Before Chris breaks away.

'Tell me Peej.’ Pj sighs.

'It’s my parents.’ Chris reaches forward and brings their bodies together. This time, in an embrace.

'Yeah, I figured it probably was.’ Chris holds Pj close. Listening to Pj’s deep breaths.

'I can’t eat. I can’t sleep.’ Pj exhales, he’s getting choked up. 'I’m so fucking scared Chris.’

'I know you are Gorgeous’ Pj digs his face into the side of Chris’s neck. 'If I could make it better, I would. Without a shadow of a doubt.’ Chris thinks 'When did you eat last Peej?’ Pj pulls away from Chris.

'Yesterday.’ Pj whispers. 'I think.’

'Let’s get you something to eat, yeah?’ Pj nods.

'I’ve got stuff in the kitchen.’ The two begin to head towards the kitchen. Chris walking slightly slower due to his cast.

'I would offer to cook for you. But I’m not exactly mobile and I also don’t want to burn the place down.’ Pj turns, leaning up to kiss Chris on the forehead.

'That’s okay, you can be the eye candy.’ Pj says.

'Don’t objectify me.’ Chris smirks.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

They can’t have sex the way they normally do with Chris being injured.

They end up with Pj in Chris’s lap. Chris is leaning up, both of their torsos touching. The two of them move to the same rhythm. There’s sweat and teeth. Quick kisses to scars and skin. Pleasure builds, it spills over. Leaving both of them gasping for air. Chris lays back onto pillows, dazed by it all. Pj lays on top of him. He comes to his senses quicker. Gently prying himself off Chris, he cleans the two of them up. Walking becomes a slight challenge for him. He blocks the door, Chris looks over and checks it.

Pj climbs back under the covers, tangling himself with Chris. Chris’s hair is stuck to his forehead. Pj reaches up and brushes it away. Kissing his temple, it tastes salty and Pj likes it.

'I love you.’ Pj says quietly, Chris puts his arm around him. Pj wiggles into the gesture.

'I love you too, but you need to sleep.’ Pj’s eyes are already closed.

'Goodnight Christopher.’

'Goodnight Gorgeous.’

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Pj takes Chris back home the next day, he’s packed all his bags for his trip in the back of the car. He’s going to leave straight from Chris’s house. 

Pj is coming back for new years. 

Chris has got something fun planned for the turn over into the new year.

Chris’s parents are out Christmas shopping. The only person that’s in is Phil. He’s asleep on the sofa. Chris spots him and turns to Pj. He puts a finger on his mouth, shushing him. Then gestures for him to stay still. Chris uses his crutch to go into the living room. He bends over retrieving something from a drawer, Pj appreciates the view. He comes back up with something in his hand. He hobbles over to Phil, looking at him and laughing.

Chris pulls the party popper in his hand. Shying away from the noise.

Phil’s jumps up. Looking around desperately. He looks at Chris for a second before it clicks.

'I HATE YOU!’ Phil shouts. Chris leans on the wall, folded over laughing. 'Chris for gods sake.’ Phil laughs, his hyperventilation calming down.

'I’m not even sorry.’ Chris begins to move back over to Pj, who is watching with a fond smile.

'I should probably go.’ Pj gets his phone out of his back pocket. He sees several missed calls from Poppy. 'Actually, if I don’t go, my little sister may actually kill me.’ Chris smiles. He reaches out and takes Pj’s hand. Pj puts his phone back into his pocket and takes Chris’s other one as well.

'I’ll miss you.’

'I’ll miss you too.’ Pj looks up to the left. 'Well I’ll probably miss you more.’ He looks back into Chris’s eyes. 'Seeing as I’m going to be dealing with Poppy, and my parents.’ Chris winces on Pj’s behalf. He leans up and kisses Pj’s forehead.

'I made it better.’ Chris whispers against his skin.

'You always do.’ Pj whispers in response. Both of them smile.

'Well that was so cute I might throw up.’ Phil snarks, walking past them and up the stairs.

'Way to cock block Phil.’ Chris says, lowering himself, still smiling. He watches his brother climb the stairs.

'That was just revenge.’ Phil responds, turning himself and grinning at Chris.

'What for?’

'Whatever you’ve bought me for Christmas.’ Phil sits on the stairs.

'I think you mean  _Chris_ mas.’ Chris smirking at Phil to emphasize his point. He turns and smiles at Pj again.

'You’ve tried that every year since we were ten, I am never calling it that.’ Phil raises an eyebrow at him. 'And you didn’t even deny that I’m going to want revenge for what you’ve bought me.’

'I’m going to level with you Phil. You’re probably not going to be happy.’

'Is it a dildo again?’

'Pfft, no.’  Phil sighs and begins to climb the stairs again. He stops before he goes around the corner. Turning to the couple again.

'Merry Christmas Pj.’

'Merry Christmas Phil.’

Phil goes around the corner. Shaking his head whilst he laughs.

Chris leans forward and kisses Pj. Their mouths pushing against each other. They break apart with a sweet short noise.

'I love you.’ Chris says, breathless.

'I love you too.’ Pj responds, cheeks pink.

A few more kisses, a few more declarations of love and a promise to call Chris when he gets there. Pj leaves for his old home. A feeling of dread in his stomach, love in his mouth and excitement in his chest.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Phil doesn’t actually want to hit him when he opens his present. Chris bought him three things. One of them is a framed picture of the two of them. Another is a pair of nipple tassels. Lastly, Chris has bought him a lion onesie.

Which is hilarious seeing as he’s bought Chris a dragon one.

They both wear them around all day. Chris taking multiple pictures of them both. Sending one of Chris and Phil smiling into the camera to Pj.

Pj sends one back of Poppy and himself wearing matching blue Christmas jumpers. The siblings both pointing at each other in the picture. Pj’s smile lights up the room, even when it’s just digital.

If it’s possible, Chris falls a little bit more in love with him.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

It’s New Years eve. Chris has spent most of his day in the doctors getting his leg cast removed. He also made another scrap book.

Between his amazing family, his brilliant friends. His beautiful boyfriend and his incredible sense of humor. Chris has never been happier.

Tyler is throwing another party. Alfie is spending the new year with his family, so Zoe is with them. Louise is aswell. Chris’s parents are going out with their friends. So it’s the same four of them that always go. Emma and Luke are spending the new year together, alone.

Chris really doesn’t want to think about that.

Chris and Pj decided that they’ll go just before the change over. Just enough time before to be able to watch the fireworks from Pj’s flat. Like they did in November.

Of course, plans changed. There’s fifteen minutes left of the year and they’re still at Tyler’s.

Honestly, just seeing drunken Phil’s dancing has been worth staying.

That Dan guy keeps on hitting on Phil. Honestly it’s starting to get on Chris’s nerves. But he knows that he’s Pj’s friend, and therefore, probably okay.

Fourteen minutes.

Chris catches Pj’s eye. He’s wearing Chris’s shirt and those glasses.

It’s driving Chris fucking mental.

Pj gestures to the door, walking out of it. Chris follows him. They go up the stairs. And into a cupboard.

Pj begins to kiss Chris’s neck. Working his way up to Chris’s mouth.

Chris can’t take it anymore. He pushes Pj up against the wall. Grinding their bodies together. Pj moans. Chris wasn’t aware of just how turned on he was until he heard it. He hears someone call the twelve minute mark from downstairs. A quickly begins unbuttoning Pj’s shirt.

He places a hand on Pj’s ass and squeezes, Pj gasps against his mouth. Chris places his tongue in Pj’s mouth. Getting more turned on by the minute. From the noises Pj is making, he assumes that Pj is too.

He gets Pj’s shirt unbuttoned. He raises his arms to let Pj take his off. Pj undoes his own belt whilst Chris undoes his. Chris brings down Pj’s jeans. Slowly, nudging his bulging arousal as he goes. Chris pulls his own jeans off. Almost pushing Pj into the wall in the jump to reconnect their bodies.

'Someone eager?’ Pj teases. The dim light from the hallway allowing Chris to see the mischievous glint in his eyes. Chris pulls Pj’s underwear down his legs and places a hand around his hard cock.

'Are you not?’ Chris replies with an eyebrow raised. Chris begins to move his hand, Pj’s mouth hangs open.

'I never said I wasn’t.’ Pj wheezes out. Chris laughs at him. Kissing his neck, quickly biting before returning his concentration. Someone screams that’s there’s only ten minutes left downstairs. Pj jerks his hips as Chris runs his thumb over the tip of his cock. 'Fuck me.’

'I don’t have enough time to prep you for that.’ Chris responds, though he does have some lube in his jean pocket.

'I had a bath and stretched myself before I came here.’ Chris raises an eyebrow at him. Pj blinks. 'I didn’t want to end up doing this.’ Chris laughs.

'That worked.’  Chris bends over to retrieve the lube.

'Can you just hurry up and fuck me please?’ Pj whines.

'Someone’s bossy.’ Chris opens the packet, putting it into his hand. He puts his hand around Pj’s back, entering two fingers into him. He begins to scissor. Making sure he’s stretched enough and to apply the necessary lube. 'I may have to punish you for that later.’ Pj gasps at the sensation.

'Honestly, you can do whatever the fuck you want to me later. Just fuck me now.’ Chris laughs, giving him his wish. He puts a hand on the back of each of Pj’s legs. He pulls Pj up and pushes him up against the wall. Chris uses his hands to line himself up. He enters Pj, who moans loudly.

Someone shouts five minutes.

Pj gives him the go ahead and Chris begins to fuck into him. Pj wraps both of his legs around Chris. Unable to process most of the pleasure being put into him. His words become incoherent. Consisting of Christopher and swears. Chris kisses his neck.

Just as someone shouts four minutes, Chris hits his prostate and Pj cries out. Giving Chris more conviction to fuck him harder, hitting his pleasure spot repeatedly.

Three minutes. Mild joyful screaming from downstairs. Pj lets out a silent scream as Chris fucks him. Still unable to process the pleasure. Completely in love with this man.

Two minutes and Chris is getting close. The feel of Pj always does this to him but they’ve not been bare backing very long. He’s still not entirely used to it. He feels a pooling sensation. Pj continues to moan and squirm on the wall which Chris has him pinned to.

One minute, Pj is getting close too. Chris has put a hand on his cock, using the left over lube, he rubs it up and down. Pj is receiving pleasure from all over his body. Including the hard kisses which Chris presses to him.

Five.

'Chris I’m-fuck.’ Pj’s words get cut in half by pleasure from his prostate.

Four.

Chris understands. Pulling back for one last push in which he knows will send him over the edge too.

Three.

Chris kisses Pj’s neck.

Two.

Chris pushes in. The pleasure swims through both of them. Pj’s eyes roll back into his head as he comes. In complete ecstasy.

One.

'Happy new year Gorgeous’ Chris pants. He lowers Pj to the ground. Both of them are weak at the knees.

'Happy new year Sweetheart.’ Pj pulls Chris in for a kiss. Which Chris enthusiastically returns.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

It’s been over  a month since New Years. Since he’d come downstairs, slightly sweaty with puffed up lips. Phil’s laughter. They’d embraced and welcomed the new year. Louise and Zoe were suspicious but did the same.

He’d gone home with Pj half an hour later. Zoe and Louise had connected the dots the next morning. They’re highly curious as to what happened.

They’re also highly curious as to where he’s been going ever since. They think he’s up to something, which is good and exactly what he planned. He’s allowed them to think it. It’s better if they don’t think he started dating Pj whilst Pj was still teaching them.

He’s going to tell them he’s dating someone today. And then in a month or two, he’s going to tell them who.

He was going to wait a while before he told them that he was even dating someone. But Pj left a rather large hickey on his neck. Chris figures it’s probably best just to use it as a natural prop.

He’d been at Zoe’s for about an hour. Almost having forgotten about it.

'Chris mate, what’s that on your neck?’ Joe asks, concerned. Chris fakes a slow reaction to allow everyone to look. Chris slams a hand over the mark.

'Nothing.’ He responds.

'Is that a love bite Chris?’ Phil asks, he’s in on the plan.

Chris looks at Phil for a moment, fighting the urge to laugh.

'It might be.’ 

'Who from?’ Alfie asks, Zoe’s hand in his.

'Um…’ Chris looks toward the ground. 'My boyfriend?’

Louise jumps on him.

'Your boyfriend!’ She shrieks. 'Tell me everything!’

'I’d rather not.’

'But Chris….You love me….’ She whines. Chris shakes her head at her, smiling.

'I do love you, but not today. It’s complicated.’ Louise looks at Chris with a motherly concern.

'He’s not hurting you is he?’

'Fuck no. He’s beautiful to me.’ Chris laughs to himself. 'Well he’s beautiful full stop really…’ Louise dramatically coos him. 'Oh get off me!’ Chris pushes her slightly and she rolls off his lap and onto the ground.

'You sound infatuated Chris.’ Zoe says, smiling at him. Chris grins.

'I kind of am.’

'Then why won’t you tell us about him!’ Louise complains. Chris rolls his eyes at her.

'Some other time Lou.’ Chris stands up, starting to walk. 'I need some fresh air. Be back in a second.’ He leaves the room.

He overhears two high pitched squeals when he steps out and he laughs.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Chris doesn’t think that the anniversary of his mother’s death will effect him. He’s made peace with it. He thinks this will be his first year of being able to just live normally through it.

Of course, that’s not what happens.

He starts feeling it a week before. That empty loss. The dream of what could have been. He tries ignoring it. Hanging out with Phil, Pj, his friends, even his parents. It doesn’t work.

Chris doesn’t have to fake throwing up on the actual date. The date marking exactly fourteen years.

He doesn’t even bother telling anyone he’s not going to school. He just walks out, past Phil and into his bedroom. He locks the door.

Climbs into bed, trying to fall asleep again.

Every time he shuts his eyes, all he can see is his mother dying.

The pain that followed. All of it just comes back.

He starts to cry. Silent tears running down his cheeks.

The main fears comes back to haunt him.

What if he’s never okay?

What if he’s doomed to be exactly the same?

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Chris doesn’t open the door for anyone. All of his family try to get him to come out.

He doesn’t respond to any of them. Hoping that they’ll understand and leave.

Eventually, he thinks they do. He’s been left alone.

He stares up at the ceiling, trying to block out his thoughts.

There’s another knock at the door. Chris doesn’t move.

'Chris…’ Pj calls out. 'Chris, please let me in.’

Chris isn’t even aware of telling his body to move. His feet move for him. Carrying his consciousness to the door. Opening the door.

Looking into Pj’s green eyes, full of concern.

Chris begins to cry again. Pj steps forward wrapping his arms around Chris, kissing the top of his head.

'I-’

'You don’t have to say anything.’ Pj pulls away slightly. 'You should have told me.’ Chris’s eyebrows crease.

'How did you-’

'Phil called me.’

Chris laughs. It sounds dead to his own ears. He digs his face into Pj’s shoulder. Mumbling into it.

'Take me away.’

'What?’

'I said take me away.’ Chris pulls away and looks into his eyes. 'Lets just leave for the day. Come back tonight.’ Pj smiles.

'Let’s do it.’

'Really?’ Chris asks, voice full of disbelief.

'Yes. You haven’t got school tomorrow, and even if you did, you wouldn’t go.’ Chris doesn’t deny it. 'Fuck it, let’s go.’

'Are you sure?’

Pj leans forward and kisses Chris.

'Anything for you. Plus, I don’t have work tomorrow either.’

'Should I take anything?’

'Music for the car? and your beautiful self.’

Chris smiles at him, kissing him on the lips. As he pulls away from the kiss, a thought pops into Chris’s head.

'Wait, how did you get in?’ Chris sounds mildly horrified and Pj laughs, reaching for his hand.

'Phil told me where the spare key is. He got your mother out of the house.’

'Dad’s at work.’ Chris supplies.

'We better be gone by the time someone gets back.’

Chris ducks back into his room for a moment. Grabbing his camera. He returns to Pj, taking his hand again. The two begin to walk down along the hallway.

'I’m going to take my phone, text Phil and turn it off.’ Chris says, grabbing it off the bookshelf by the stairs. 

'Good.’ Pj places another kiss to Chris’s lips. Not allowing him to separate from him.

They walk down the stairs, Chris grabs a key to shut the door after him.

Pj walks out of the door, Chris is about to do the same when he stops.

'Peej?’

'Yes?’

'Let’s go to the beach.’ He sheepishly adds. 'I watched your latest youtube video. I’d like to see you by the sea.’. Chris thinks back to the short spoken word piece about Pj’s inspiration. He’d loved it.

Pj smiles.

'Let’s see the sea.’ Pj responds. Chris steps out of the door, locking it behind him.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Phil is happy that Pj got Chris out of his room, despite how freaked out his mother is.

Chris doesn’t come home that night. He spends it with Pj.

Chris has never talked to anyone on the anniversary. He has never left his room on the repetition of the day.

Phil doesn’t know how Pj managed it. But he did. Chris loves him enough to forget with him, to heal.

If Phil ignores that, he’s not only being stupid, but a bad brother too.

Phil can’t contain his smile when he sees Chris smiling the next day.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Chris had gathered his friends at his house. He told them all he had something to tell them but no details.

It’s been four months since Pj stopped teaching them. They’d discussed it and Chris think it’s a reasonable time to tell his friends. It depends on how they react, how much of the story they learn.

'Okay guys, I need you to not freak out.’

'Chris. What’s going on?’ Zoe asks with her face contorted in confusion. Louise, Emma and Luke have similar faces.

Phil seems to be enjoying himself.

'Look, so I said I had something big to tell you guys’

'Are you pregnant Chris?’ Luke asks.

'No, what kind of fanfiction have you been reading?’

'Chris, why am I even here?’ Phil interjects, looking him squarely in the eyes.

'That’s deep Phil.’ Phil snorts.

'That’s not what I meant Chris.’

Chris sighs. 'Moral support.’ He adds as an afterthought. 'Plus you can vouch for his character.’

'Who’s character?’ Zoe asks again.

'Is it your boyfriend?’ Louise teases, completely oblivious.

'Yes. Actually.’ Chris deadpans.

'Then what’s wrong?’ Zoe says, concern seeping into her voice. Her mind racing with possibilities.

'Nothings wrong, it’s just….’ Chris looks at Phil. 'There’s some things you need to know. It’s time you guys knew.’ Chris clears his throat. 'I’m not exactly sure where to begin-’

'Start with the age difference.’ Phil interjects, smirking. Chris glares at him. All of his friends look at him. Chris sighs again.

'He’s five years older than us.’

'What!’

'Five years!’

'He’s twenty four!’

'Yes, he’s twenty four.’ Chris’s voice begs for one of them to challenge him.

'Chris, you’re only nineteen. Five years is quite a difference.’ Zoe reaches out for his hand. 'Are you sure he isn’t using you?’ Chris snorts.

'He’s not using me. But that’s not all.’ Chris looks to his friends, all of them in different states of confusion. Excluding Phil. 'You know him.’

'We know him?’

'Who?’

'Um…I guess I need to stop beating around the bush.’ He looks at Phil, he reassuringly nods at him.

'It’s okay Chris.’

'His name is Pj and I love him!’ Chris shouts out quickly. Zoe’s eyes widen, whilst Louise, Emma and Luke are uncomprehending.

'Wait, Pj as in Pj Liguori?’ Chris nods. 'YOU’RE DATING OUR OLD ENGLISH TEACHER!’ Zoe shouts. The other three look mildly horrified.

'Zoe, I fell in love with him. I couldn’t stop myself.’ Chris carries on talking, defiance burning in his eyes. 'We never did anything at school. It all happened at Tyler’s party.’

'You mean you weren’t dating whilst he was teaching us?’ Louise asks, tone calm. Eyes angry.

'No.’ Chris lies. He hates it but he has to do it.

'He really loves him.’ Phil interjects, gaining the attention of all his friends. 'They truly do love each other. You can see it when they’re together.’ Phil looks up to the left. 'Plus I was talking to one of Pj’s friends behind his back. He’s not using him.’

'Who were you talking to?’ Chris questions. Phil goes a mild pink.

'Dan.’ Chris smirks at him.

'Is this  _Daaaan_  Dan?’ Phil squints at him.

'Yes?…’

'I want to meet him. Outside of school.’ Louise demands. Emma nods her support. Zoe looks scandalized.  

'Are you happy Chris?’ Luke asks, seeming relaxed.

'Yes.’

'Is he happy?’ Luke asks again.

'Yes.’

'Is what you have, in it’s core, a loving healthy relationship?’

'Yes. He supports me and I support him.' Chris exhales. 'I love him and he loves me in return. I make him laugh and he makes me laugh. I wouldn’t trade what we have for the world.’

'Then I support your decision. You aren’t a child Chris.’ Luke looks at Emma. 'You have the right to be happy. We all do.’

Chris smiles, feeling touched by Luke’s words. Everyone calms down, Zoe’s anger begins to subside.

'I still want to meet him though.’ Louise affirms. 'I need to make sure he’s good enough for you.’

'And also make sure he’s not lying to you.’ Zoe interjects.

'And make sure he isn’t secretly into feet or something.’ Emma adds.

Later that evening, he texts Pj to come over. Telling him to fear his friends but that they shouldn’t be too bad. 

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

They sit him in a chair and surround him like hawks. All of them deadly serious, with Chris and Phil laughing at every single response.

'What does Pj stand for?’ Zoe asks, squinting at him.

Pj smirks at her.

'I could tell you but then I’d have to kill you.’

Chris fucking loses it, the others force him to leave the room.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Eventually they finish questioning him. Chris is allowed back into the room. Pj’s gained their temporary approval, with the potential for it to become permanent.

Twenty minutes with the man he loves and his friends and Chris knows something. 

These people are better than any family he could have been born into.

And slowly, piece by piece, Chris falls in love with every one of them all over again.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Phil and Chris receive the letter they’d been waiting for. It’s a week after Chris had told his friends. Their parents are out. Both of them working Saturdays in return for receiving Monday off. They like to spend the day together. Pj is over as well as Louise.

They decide to open them. The letters to find out if they’d been accepted to The University of London. Phil was dying to get on the Linguistics course. Planning on getting a masters degree. Chris with his acting, applied for a drama based course.

Both of them get accepted. The university campus only being about an hour away. The brothers embrace. Phil kissing his brother on the cheek, congratulating him. Chris sits in Pj’s lap. Reading out the letter which Pj had received five years before, to Louise. He kisses his boyfriend chastely on the lips when he finishes.

'I love you.’

'I love you too Gorgeous.’

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

A month passes. Exam season comes the way it always does.

With a lot of fucking panic. Though, most of Chris’s courses are not examined.

So not that much fucking panic.

It does mean that weeks pass by with his friends stressed. Emma almost permanently has a headache. Which Luke tries to make better.

Chris lives for the hours he spends with Pj after they’ve done their days work. And for the days at the end of the week when they spend the nights together. They provide some space to relax. Whilst he loves his friends, he needs that peace once in a while.

He receives his results a few weeks later. Mid June.

He’s passed all the courses that in his opinion, count.

He’s going to university.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Chris honestly isn’t sure what it is. But Pj always looks extra beautiful in sunlight. He always finds himself snapping sneaky frames when he isn’t looking. Writing little captions underneath. Quotes, Lyrics, Words. Anything that sums something up. Chris smiles slightly as he presses ink to paper underneath a picture of Pj at the park. Mid conversation with Phil and Tyler. Sophie laughing at the three of them.

_'I bet my life on you’_

Chris puts his pen down, letting it fall to the table.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Chris and Phil end up renting a flat about five minutes from campus. It’s not particularly large, glamorous or modern. But it’s cheap. They can paint the walls, put up pictures and choose when they want to go to bed. It becomes home. 

It’s just over an hours drive from their original home. Though with the London traffic, it takes an extra half an hour. It’s about half that time to get to Pj’s.

Their flat is actually closer to the school Pj teaches at than Pj’s home.

Chris and Pj spend most nights together. Sleeping next to each other. Both of them getting more rest because of it.

Phil is just glad his room is on the other side of the apartment. Or he’d definitely be getting less rest.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Phil has been blogging since year eleven. Chris having only found out a few months ago. In the summer. Phil told him as he celebrated having one thousand subscribers. The number since then has increased. It’s the end of September now. Nearly a year since he started dating Pj.

Today, Phil’s convinced Chris to join him. The two brothers sit in front of the camera on the ground.

'Hey Guys! I’m with my brother today and we’re going to be doing my second ever Q and A! I asked you all to send in questions for the both of us and we’ll be answering them! You ready Chris?’

'I’m as ready as I ever will be.’ Chris responds monotonously. Chris addresses the camera. 'I’m called Chris by the way.’ He turns to Phil again. 'You should probably tell them who I am.’ 

'Right!-’

'See what I have to put up with.’

'Chris…’ Phil whines.

'Phil…’ Chris mimics him. Phil sighs.

'Chris is my only brother. He’s slightly younger-’

'Not true.’

'Chris, I am literally born before you. There is no way I’m not-’

'Prove it.’ Chris grins at him.

'I got mum to show you our birth certificates!’

'It’s a conspiracy.’ Phil sighs.

'Anyway, Chris is my brother. His full name is Christopher James Kendall.’ Phil looks at Chris. 'We have different last names-’

'And parents.’

'Chris…’

'I’m adopted to the extreme.’

'The extreme?’

'I’m adopted hardcore.’ Phil shakes his head, laughing.

'Of course you are.’

'The first question comes from Anne… She asked us what the weirdest thing we’ve ever walked on the other doing is.’ Phil begins to think.

'Wanking.’

'Chris!’

'Actually, I don’t think I ever have walked in on you doing that.’

'Well I nearly walked in on you doing Pj, so…’

'You can’t put that in you know. He still hasn’t told his parents. Plus didn’t you collaborate with him once?’

'We did. We have about the same amount of subscribers.’ Chris nods. 'They loved it.’

'Good.’

'I actually found fan fiction about us both.’

'You’re kidding right?’ Chris asks. Phil shakes his head slowly.

'I wish I was.’ Chris groans. He points to the camera.

'Stop that.’ He turns to Phil. 'You also need to link it to me.’ Phil laughs.

'I think the weirdest thing I’ve walked in on you doing is cooking spaghetti. And sticking it to your face.’ Chris shrugs.

'I had my reasons. Not to mention that I walked in on you singing Bruno Mars once.’

'Chris!’

’ _It’s a beautiful night, we’re looking for something dumb to do_.’

'Chris. Stop that.’

’ _Hey baby, I think I wanna marry you…_ ’

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Phil leaves the room after a few more lines of singing. Leaving Chris to sing the rest of the song through the door.

Phil returns to sing the ending with is brother.

They answer more questions.

'What’s your favorite colour?’ 

'I like blue.’ Phil answers.

'I like green.’ Chris answers also. Phil looks at him for a long second. Knowing exactly why green is his favourite colour. Phil goes back to the questions.

'Who’s your OTP?’ Phil asks himself.

Phil answers. 'I don’t really have one.’

'You and Pj.’ Chris grins. 'TheAmazingPj? KickthePhil?

'You’re annoying.’ Phil responds, laughing.

'What? I only think you and that attractive guy called Pj should just fuck already’

'Do you now?’ Pj interjects from the door frame. Neither of the brothers heard him walk in. Phil jumps out of his skin. Chris laughs.

'You have my blessing.’ Chris puts his arm around Phil. 'Go get him tiger.’ 

Pj walks over, taking a seat behind the two of them.

'You’re infuriating.’ Pj says, then pressing a kiss to Chris’s neck.

'I’m pretty sure this just became a three way video-’

'I’m not into that shit Phil.’

'Chris! Anyway, I’d like to welcome KickthePj!’

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

The resulting video becomes a favorite of both Pj’s and Phil’s few thousand subscribers. 

'KicktheAmazingChris.’ The original had the words 'Not Porn’ added. Phil took it out due to his average subscriber age. Taking the worst of Chris’s being Chris out of the video in editing also.

Phil’s subscriber count nearly doubles. The three of them decide to make a second video.

Most of the questions aren’t questions this time. They’re fans of Chris’s. Requesting he makes a channel.

Or questions about how Pj got into the flat last time. In reality, he has a key. But they can’t say that, it raises more questions. Phil just says he invited him and left the door open.

It quells some of the noise.

The fan response from 'KicktheAmazingChris 2’ is brilliant. Phil wouldn’t let Chris add, 'Still not porn’ to the title. Chris makes a decision.

If Chris and Pj are doing it, and he has people that want him too, he may as well. But he wants some time to think about it.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

It’s two weeks later. Pj is at work. It’s two in the afternoon. Neither Chris or Phil have lectures today.

'Hey Chris.’ Phil shouts from the kitchen.

'Yeah?’ Chris replies.

'You hungry?’ Chris stands up from his desk. He walks the short distance to the kitchen.

'What we got?’ Chris stands in the doorway, arms crossed. Phil opens the freezer.

'I was drunk when I went shopping last so we have…Um, Chips. Onion rings, fish fingers and…’ Phil pushes a packet to the side. 'Crab sticks.’ Phil pulls a face at Chris.

A smile grows on Chris’s face. Everything clicks.

'Phil. I have an idea.’

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Chris’s first video gets around two thousand views. His second gets more. His third more than that.

Chris’s life becomes drama lessons, lectures and youtube. As well as his friends and family of course.

And eating and sleeping. And a fair amount of sex, Chris will not deny that.

His channel begins to become popular. His subscriber count leveling with Phil’s. He gains more than Pj, but Pj isn’t a vlogger.  However, the videos in which Pj collaborates with Phil and/or Chris, are always loved. By the fans and Chris.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

It’s three days before Halloween. Chris has stopped uni work for the week. He’s glad of it. It means he gets to go see his parents a bit more. And spend a full weeks worth of nights with his boyfriend of about a year.

God, he still finds that weird.

What he finds even weirder is that he has just grown to love him more.

And that he’s twenty, honestly, what the fuck?

He opens the door to Pj’s flat. Calling out his name, the two letters. He hears a quiet response.

An extremely quiet response.

'Peej?’ Chris shouts again. 'Where are you?’

'I’m in here.’ Pj calls out, it's quiet, life lacking.

'That’s really helpful.’ Chris snarks. He hears a mangled laugh in response to it.

He begins to panic.

'I’m in the bedroom.’ Chris walks determinedly towards the room. Opening the door slowly and peeking in.

Pj sits in a ball, with the bed supporting him. He’s crying. His face having turned red. Chris can hear his deep breathing and see it in the movement of his shoulders.

Chris flings himself on the ground in front of Pj. He quickly places a hand on the side of his face. He runs his eyes over his body, checking for injuries. He finds none.

'What happened?’ Chris keeps his hand on his cheek, looking into Pj’s green eyes.

'I told my parents…’ Pj cuts off his own words with a sob. Chris reaches forward, taking Pj into his arms. He sits down on the ground beside him. Running a hand through his hair. Reassuringly shushing his crying. 'My dad just hung up on me…’

'It’s okay.’

'What if they never talk to me again?’

'Peej-’

'What if they don’t let me see Poppy?’

'Peej. Do you honestly think anything will stop that girl from seeing you?’

Pj looks up at Chris. Chris wipes away Pj’s tears with his thumb.

'I’m sorry-’

'Do not apologize for being upset Peej.’ Chris ducks his head, so he can press a kiss to the top of Pj’s head. 'One thing I know for sure is that if they can’t handle you liking men. They sure as hell don’t deserve you.’

Pj sniffles.’ What do you mean?’

Chris laughs. 'You’re smart. You’re funny. Imaginative. Creative.’ Chris looks down at Pj, who is messy in this state. But Chris couldn’t care less. 'You are so goddamn beautiful that sometimes, I think I’m going to burst.’ Chris kisses the top of his head again. 'So if they don’t want you because of something as trivial as liking willies. Fuck 'em.’ Pj laughs.

'Chris, this is serious.’

'What wasn’t serious about that?’ Chris smirks in response. Pj catches himself smiling. 'There you go, Gorgeous. Don’t let them stop you smiling.’ The smile melts off Pj’s face for a second.

'I don’t have a family anymore.’ Chris shakes his head.

'Yeah you do. You have Dan and Tyler. All your friends. Any of my friends that you want because they all think you’re great. You have Poppy and you have me.’ Chris huffs. 'Actually, you have a big family.’

'You’re right.’

'I’m always right, it’s just that no one listens to me.’ The side of Pj’s mouth rises.

'I wonder why…’

Pj’s face colour is returning to normal. His breaths becoming more regular.

'Wow. Rude.’ Chris smirks. 'I’m getting cramp, you want to cuddle on the bed until you feel better.’

'Can’t we just cuddle on the bed forever?’

'Honestly, if we could, we would.’

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Three days later and Pj is at Chris’s flat. They’d just returned from a day in London with Phil. They’d done it after Pj realized that neither Phil or Chris had ever been on the London eye. They also visited several of their favorite shops. Phil had made Chris try Bubble Tea. He didn’t like it very much.

They’d timed riding the eye beautifully. Going up as the sun set. He saw the entirety of London illuminated by yellow lights. Chris had been nervous about the heights. Pj kissed it better when they reached the top. Phil had to stop Chris from starting a fight when he realized people were staring.

Chris is pretty sure he could have won. He has some tricks up his sleeve.

Chris is laying on the sofa, his head in Pj’s lap. Eyes closed. He is listening to the conversation Phil and Pj are having about the day whilst Phil cooks.

Neither of them let Chris remotely close to the kitchen. After the last incident.

The microwave still doesn’t work properly.

Pj’s phone begins to ring. He frowns. Leaning over to retrieve it. Chris sits up. Preparing himself for the possibility of the caller being Pj’s parents.

'Hello?’ Chris can hear the fear in Pj’s voice. His heart jumps. Pj turns to look into Chris’s eyes. His eyebrows creased. Eyes widened. 'Poppy?’

'What’s wrong?’ Chris whispers. Pj reaches out and takes his hand. 

'You’re WHERE!’ Chris hears a weak line of defense on the other end of the phone. 'You’re fucking kidding right Pops?’ Pj sighs. 'We’ll talk when I get there. Okay?’ Pj squeezes Chris’s hand without thinking. 'Okay. Love you too.’ Pj hangs up the phone.

'Well?’

'She’s at Paddington station.’ Chris can hear the anger in Pj’s voice. 'She got so pissed off at our parents. She stole money from them and caught the last train here.’ Pj scoffs. 'She climbed out the window.’ He stands up and begins to search for his keys. Frantically walking around.

'Pj. You need to calm down.’

'How am I meant to calm down! My little sister is alone at one of the busiest train stations in London and-’. Chris stands up and presses a kiss to Pj’s lips. Pj pushes back automatically.

'You need to calm down.’ Chris brushes their lips together once more. 'We’ll go get her. It’ll be fine.’

'I can’t find my keys.’ Pj whispers.

'They’re there Peej.’ Chris says, inclining his head to the nearby coffee table with Pj’s keys on. Pj kisses him again.

'What would I do without you?’ Pj smiles at him.

'I don’t know, but I love you too.’ Chris smirks at him. Taking his hand.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

The three of them quickly made a plan. Chris and Pj are going to go pick up Poppy and Phil is going to stay and cook for the four of them. They’re going to bring Poppy back to Chris and Phil’s flat and then decide what to do. They figured that if she was annoyed enough to run away. Something is really wrong at home. However much Pj wishes it wasn’t his fault, it seems like it probably is.

He’s driving now. Chris sitting in the passenger seat. He pays attention to the road, trying to get to the station as quickly as possible. He also doesn’t want to over think this. He doesn’t pay attention when Chris puts music on. He listens however, when Chris sings along.

_'Don’t take this the wrong way,_

_You knew,_

_Who I was,_

_With every step that I ran to you.’_

Pj feels his very soul begin to relax. Tidal emotions calmly washing away with the gentle rises and falls of Chris’s voice.

_'Only blue or black days,  
_

_Electing strange perfections in any stranger I choose.’_

Pj knows the song. He sings along.

_‘Would things be easier,_

_If there was a right way,_

_Honey there is no right way.’_

Chris smiles at Pj. Both of them increasing in volume to belt out the chorus.

_'So I fall in love, just a little oh little bit, everyday with someone new,_

_I fall in love, just a little oh little bit, everyday with someone new,_ _’_

The song doesn’t remind Pj of Chris. He doesn’t fall in love with someone new everyday. He falls in love with a new part of Chris everyday. The only part of the song which he thinks works for them is the ending.

_'Love with every stranger, the stranger the better…’_

Because if they are only one thing in the world. Pj thinks, they are definitely strange. 

He would refuse to have it any other way.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Poppy looks up with tired eyes and tears on her cheeks. She looks thinner than the last time he saw her. Cheeks looking hollow and her hair dry. She jumps up when she sees him. Grabbing her bag and running into his arms.

'Are you eating? Pops?’ Pj asks into the top of her head.

She comes away from his chest.

'I’m fine.’ Pj takes his sisters hand.

'Don’t lie to me.’

Poppy looks up, defiantly. Glaring at him.

'I’ve been better.’ She finally answers. 'Can we go? Please.’ She looks around. 'There’s a lot of people.’

Pj finds this strange but leads her by the hand out of the station. And out to the car, where Chris is waiting.

Walking on the pavement outside, Poppy trips slightly.

She begins to cry. Swearing at herself whilst she does it. Pj doesn’t know what to do. Just pulling her into his arms.

'Poppy. What’s wrong?’ She looks up at him, her brown eyes weary.

'It’s so much.’ She can tell from the look in his eyes what his thoughts are. 'Not just mum and dad. School and friends and…Mum and Dad just lit the fire. Pressure. So much pressure. I don’t feel like me anymore. I feel like I’m pretending. All the time.’ She looks around. 'I like girls.’ She sobs. 'And they keep saying all these horrible things about you. I couldn’t fucking handle it anymore. I had to get out or fucking do something.’ She continues to cry in his arms. Pj doesn’t care about the looks they’re receiving.

'Tell me Poppy.’ He kisses the top of her head.

'I can’t eat. I can’t sleep.’ She looks up into her brother’s eyes. 'Her name is Ruby and she’s so beautiful Peej. She’s so beautiful that I can barely hear myself think when I look at her. And all she does is date these guys which just use her. She comes in every week, every week. Talking about the guys she pulled over the weekend.’ She breathes out. 'And every word hurts. But just her being there makes up for it.’ She laughs, fakery embedded into it 'And I can never tell her. She can never know. Because I can’t lose her Peej. I can’t.’ Taking her brothers hand again. He begins to slowly walk them back to the car.

'So long story short. School and friends are being a pain. Mum and dad are being painful. And you’re in a unrequited love with a girl named after a gemstone?’

Poppy laughs, her face blotchy from tears. 'I’m not a novel Peej.’

'There’d be more dragons if this was a novel.’

'Well that’s just upsetting.’ She jokes.

Pj smiles at his little sister. The one who’s all grown up. Even if he’ll never tell her that. 'You’ll be okay you know?’ He squeezes her hand. 'I promise it gets better.’

'Really?’

'Really. I’ll sacrifice a goat and everything.’

'And everything?’

'And everything.’

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

They reach the car. Pj climbing into the drivers side. Chris hangs up on his phone call, leaning over to kiss Pj once before Poppy enters.

'Who was that?’

'Just Phil. He wanted to know how long we’d be.’

'Phil?’ Poppy adds from the back seat. Chris turns to talk to her whilst Pj puts the car into drive and pulls into the traffic.

'My brother. He’s lives with me.’

'Didn’t I say I was going to seduce him?’ Chris laughs.

'You did. He’s twenty.’

'I’m sixteen. It could be worse.’

'I’m pretty sure he’s in a relationship. With a guy.’ Chris ponders upon the thing that Dan and Phil have going on. Chris isn’t even a hundred percent sure if they know what they are. Chris thinks that at this moment, they’re probably in a friendship. A friendship with occasional kissing. Maybe more. Chris really doesn’t want to know.

Poppy huffs. 'Details.’ Chris chuckles.

'Maybe if you hit on him, he’ll get his shit together.’

'What’s the situation?’

'With Phil and his kind of boyfriend?’ Poppy nods. 'They met at the same party I-’ Chris looks at Pj for a second. He’s smiling sideways at him. ’- _met_  your brother at. There was chemistry but neither of them expected anything more. They met a few more times. Then they found out we were dating.’

'And now they’re both trying to be friends, but both of them want more?’

'Yep, it’s beginning to piss me off.’

'I’ll sort it out.’ Poppy says cockily. Chris snorts.

'He’s my brother. What makes you think you can do it?’

'I have my ways. Also, nice youtube channel you got there Crabstickz.’ Chris groans. Placing a hand on his face.

'How did you find that?’

'I’m subscribed to Pj obviously. I watched one of your collaborations. I think you should tell the shippers that you’re dating. They’d lose their shit.’ Chris opens his mouth to respond. 'Also one of my friends ships you both and I’m  _this_  far away from telling her it’s canon.’ Chris looks towards Pj, Pj shrugs at him. Smiling. 

'Maybe. We’d have to talk about it. It isn’t that simple.’ Poppy glares at him.

'It should be.’

'We know Pops, believe me, we know.’ Pj says.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Chris honestly nearly dies laughing watching Poppy and Phil.

'WELL  _HELLO_  GORGEOUS! DID YOU SIT IN A POT OF SUGAR?

'Um, no?’

'BECAUSE YOU HAVE A SWEET ASS.’

'Thank you?’

'I’m not Fred Flintstone but I bet I can make your bedrock.’

'What?’

'If you were words on paper, you’d be the fine print.’

Phil looks at Chris. Who is crying a little bit. Pj has his arm around Chris, not laughing as much. Though his grin shows his amusement.

'What’s going on?’

'Are you my appendix? Because I have no fucking clue what you are or why you’re here, but I feel like I should take you out.’

'You are Poppy right?’

'If you were a fruit, you’d be a Fineapple.’

'A Fineapple?’

'Is your dad a baker, because you’ve got nice buns.’

'My dad’s an accountant.’

Poppy cracks up into laughter.

'Okay. Yes, I am Poppy.’ She reaches out, they shake hands. 'Pj’s little sister.’ She nods her head toward her brother. 'Though personally, I think I’m the better sibling.’

'I’m Phil, Chris’s big brother. Though, he’ll fight that. What was that about?’

'I made a bet with your brother.’ Phil frowns. 'I essentially decided to hit on you a bunch.’ Phil is still confused. But it’s gotten to the point, that he just accepts it.

'Alright then.’

'Everyone thinks you should get with that guy by the way.’

'What guy? Dan?’ Phil smiling as he says his name. Poppy smirks at him. Reading him like a book.

'I believe so. Though, they wouldn’t be the only ones that want you to get with him.’ Phil’s eyebrows crease further.

'Huh?’

'Nothing. Just if you don’t tell Daniel about your obvious feelings towards him, I’m going to write a letter of complaint to Jesus.’ She ducks past Phil, placing a hand on his shoulder as she does so. ‘And I’m going to use the incorrect letter ending just to piss off Peej.’ She winks as she leaves the room. Leaving Chris in hysterics, Phil stunned and Pj exasperated.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

The moon is oddly bright.

'Poppy.’ Pj sits down in front of his sister. Who’s sitting at the dining table in Pj’s flat. He takes her hand. Wiping the smile off her face with the the tone of her voice,

'Please don’t make me go back Peej.’ She looks into his eyes, pleading. 'Please.’

'Poppy, I’m not going to make you go back straight away. You can stay for the weekend, But, you are going to have to call mum and dad. Before you end up on the News.’

'They’ll figure out I left because they were being homophobic dickbags.’ She glares at him. He stares straight back.

'You still need to call them.’

'You haven’t heard some of the stuff they’ve said about you Peej.’

Pj tries to put on his best  _'I’m a teacher. Listen to me.’_  voice.

'I know I haven’t. But you have to call them.’

'Why should I?’

'So I don’t get arrested. And so your friends don’t worry about you.’ She glares at him again. He sighs. 'Fine, you just need to let them know you aren’t somewhere in a ditch.’

'Okay then.’ Poppy lets go of Pj’s hand. Walking over to her bag and claiming her phone. She turns it on, walking back to her chair.  She sends a simple message saying she’s okay and will be back in a day or two. She doesn’t read any of her fifty pending messages.’ I really don’t want to see them any time soon Peej.’

'I know you don’t. If I could, I would take care of you.’

Poppy looks up at her brother. Cursing herself. She reaches out for her brother’s hand.

'Peej…’ He pulls his hand away. 'Peej, this isn’t on you.’

Pj laughs. 'How is it not? I broke down and told my parents. My parents who were supposed to love me unconditionally. I told them, without even thinking about how it would affect you. I was selfish and look at you now. You don’t even want to go home. I made my sister hate her family.’  Tears begin to fall from Pj’s eyes. He rubs at them, trying to force them away.

She does that too. Something that was drilled into the both of them.

'Mum and Dad do love you Peej. They just don’t understand. They were shocked. It doesn’t excuse how they’ve acted but they don’t hate you.’

Pj stands up abruptly.

'How can they not hate me! I’m not what I was supposed to be. I’m a mistake-’

'Well you’re not a mistake to me!’ She stands up in the same manner. Looking her brother dead in the eye. 'You’re not a mistake to Chris! You know, that guy who’s asleep in your bedroom right now. The one who you love and loves you.’ She snarls without intending to. 'Not to mention that if you’re a mistake, then so am I.’ The words reflect on Pj’s face, the way she intended them to. 'Mum and Dad will come around. All they are is ignorant. Give them time. They’ll come around.’ Poppy whispers. 'They have to.’

Pj jumps forward, pulling his sister into his arms.

'I’m so sorry. I’m  _so_  so sorry.’

Poppy smiles. 'It’s okay. We’ll both be okay. I’ll go home after the weekend. I’ll sass when it’s necessary.’ She reconsiders. 'Well I’ll probably sass more than necessary. I live for the little things.’ Pj laughs. 'I’ll go home, I’ll endure it. I’ll change their minds because it’s possible. When they realize that it’s that or lose you, they’ll learn. Because they do love you, that was one of the worst bits of watching it. Every time they call you something, they look like they are hurt. Physically hurt.’ She breaths out. 'I hate seeing people in pain.’

'Poppy, there’s a reason you want to be a doctor.’ Poppy laughs, pulling away from her brother. He kisses the top of her head.

'I love you Peej.’

'I love you Pops, and also it’s two in the morning. Go to bed.’

'Who put you in charge?’

Pj huffs out amusement. 'I live here.’ She glares at him.

'I hate it when you have a point.’ She turns, walking out of the room and into the hallway. Pj follows her, walking all the way to the spare rooms door frame. She climbs into the small bed and takes a sip of water from a glass near the bed. Placing it back onto the bedside table. Pj walks and sits on the bed.

'We’ll be okay Pj.’ She wiggles slightly to get comfortable, closing her eyes.

'We’ll be okay.’ Pj stands up, leaning over his sister to place a kiss to her forehead.  He walks to the door, closing it slowly. 'Goodnight.’ He calls out before shutting it entirely.

'Goodnight.’ Poppy responds. Pj closes the door and walks to his bedroom. A feeling of exhaustion swimming through his bones. He climbs into bed next to Chris. He drifts off to sleep.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

The clock reads ten thirty.

He has two people sleeping in his flat. Both of which he loves, with his whole heart. Neither of them are morning people.

He just started playing ‘Mama Told Me Not To Come’ at full volume. Singing along, jumping and dancing around to the music. His voice still raw from sleep.

He’s wondering who’s going to come and kill him first.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

It’s Chris.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Pj is pretty sure that bringing Chris and Poppy together is one of the worst decisions he’s ever made. Because they both find each other hilarious, and encourage each other. Meaning that Pj has spent the last night and day, either laughing or sighing.

Pj’s parents didn’t respond to Poppy’s message. She’s going back home tomorrow. Pj wasn’t aware of how much he missed her. 

Phil has come over to Pj’s, seeing as he doesn’t have any work to do until the next week. Plus Chris and Phil were going to go to their parents on the Sunday. Mrs Lester has extended the invitation to Pj, who she has only met once or twice in passing. As well as Poppy. Which Phil kind of wants to do because it could be hilarious.

She’s bullied the three of them into playing Twister. They’re recording it to post on Youtube. Poppy is only calling the colours and limbs.

After introducing themselves, seeing as this is going on Pj’s channel. They start.

'Alright Peej, left hand yellow.’  Pj bends over. Chris not so subtly checking him out. 'Chris, can you not?’ Poppy adds, not even looking up from her board.

'We’re playing Twister, I’m pretty sure that’s the point.’ Pj swats at him with his free hand.

Poppy sighs. 'Philip-’

'Don’t call me Philip.’ Phil interjects. Poppy glares at him.

'Right hand green.’ Phil kneels down to put his hand on the colour. 'Christopher-’

'Three people are allowed to call me Christopher. My mother, my dad, if I feel like it and Peej, when I’m not exactly in a state to complain.’ Poppy looks at him, mildly horrified. Chris smirks at her. 'It’s kind of hot actually.’

'Can you not Chris?’ She stutters out.

'I can not. But why would I?’  

'Left foot red.’

'The spinner says yellow’

'I know, I’m getting you as far away from my brother as possible.’ Chris laughs, walking around the square. Putting his foot on the mat and pretending to meditate.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

'We could probably call Dan. He was talking about collaborating.’ Phil says. Chris and Pj exchange a look.

'Yeah sure. Call him. Tell him what we’re doing though, I’m already regretting choosing skinny jeans.’

'Great! I’ll call him.’ Phil quickly walks into the other room, typing a number into his phone.

'Well that was adorable.’ Poppy adds, still sitting on the sofa.

'Don’t be a prick about it when they’re both here.’ Chris says, making sure Phil can’t hear him.

'I won’t. Who do you think I am?’

'I think you’re remarkably similar to me.’ Poppy looks up, nodding.

'That’s actually true. That could say a lot about you Peej.’ She says, looking towards her brother.

'Please don’t make me think about that.’ Pj deadpans. The other two laugh. Chris walks over and kisses Pj.

'I still love you. Even if Sigmund Freud would have a field day with you.’

Pj kisses him once more.

'I love you too.’

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

'Round three begins with a new arrival-’

'Hello Internet.’ Dan says, saluting towards the camera.

'This is Danisnotonfire, a good friend of mine. He’s appeared in a couple of videos of mine but I’m going to leave the link to his channel in the credits. Same goes for these two’  Pj says, using his thumbs to point to Chris and Phil.

'Oh Peej, you’re making me blush.’.

'Shall we begin again?’ Phil speaks up.

Pj jumps up, walking around the mat. The other three taking their time to get up.

'What order we doing this in guys?’ Poppy asks. She’s unsure of what to think of Dan.

'We’ll just do it clockwise.’ Pj answers.

'In order of sexiness?’ Dan jokes.

Poppy smirks shooting a look at Chris.

He just called Phil the sexiest.

'Clockwise. Okay.’ She flips the spinner. 'Right foot red.’ Phil puts his foot on the corner circle. His phone vibrates in his back pocket. He pulls it out and reads his incoming message. He laughs.

'Chris, Mum just found all of the tapes of us as kids-’

'Oh fuck.’

'There’s a Shakira one.’

'Of course there is. We’re going to pretend that never happened.’

'Your hips didn’t lie Chris.’

'You were in that too.’

'Fine, our hips didn’t lie.’

'I feel like I need to see this.’ Pj adds, Chris groans.

'Right hand blue Dan.’ Poppy interrupts.

Dan bends over to put his hand on the circle. Phil honestly tries to not look. Honestly.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Poppy rigs the game. Putting Dan and Phil into as many awkward positions as possible. Pj catches on. Shooting her looks. She ignores him. Smiling as she puts Dan bent over directly in front of Phil. Both of the men clearly trying to act more uncomfortable than they are. Satisfied with the mild blush both of the boys have, she moves them into a less risque pose.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Chris falls, knocking over Phil in the process.

Both of them had been using the same two circles so it was probably overdue.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

'I’m getting a lot of butts right now.’ Chris says. Dan laughs.

'Just like you always wanted.’

'I don’t want either of these butts.’

'I have a nice butt.’

'Phil, that’s incest.’

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

'I’m not really sure if that was fun or not.’ Phil says, laying next to Chris. Chris is laying next to Pj. Dan sits slightly behind the three of them.

'We should make calenders and have this as July.' Chris adds. Pj snorts.

'Whatever you say Chris. Thanks for watching. Subscribe to all three of these guys because they’re hilarious.’

'Subscribe to Peej as well.’ Phil interrupts.

'That would be appreciated. Also a thank you to my little sister for spinning the thing for us-’

'You’re welcome.’

'Okay, that’s everything. Bye guys!’

'Bye!’ The other three add.

Pj turns off the camera.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Pj drives his little sister home on the Sunday. Refusing to let her take a train back. His parents obviously recognize his car. They shut the window curtains. It hurts but Pj tries to ignore it.

'You got everything?’

'Yes Peej, for like the fifth time.’

'Good.’ He walks around the car and pulls his sister into his arms. 'I love you.’

'I love you too.’ She looks over at the place she has to live.

'Call me before you run away next time.’ He jokes. He sees the fear in his sisters eyes. 'Pops…if it gets worse. Promise me something.’ She nods. 'Promise me you’ll run. If they hurt you, run.’ She laughs.

'I’m not stupid Peej.’ 

'I know some intelligent people that got hurt by their parents.  I know it still effects them. I don’t want that to happen. I don’t want that to happen to anyone ever again.’ Pj looks to the floor for a second. 'It shouldn’t have happened to him.’ Poppy frowns.

'Peej, that won’t happen. I know when I’ll have to get out.’

'Promise?’

'I pinky swear.’ Pj smiles at his sister.

'You know I’m proud of you right.’

'Yeah. I’m proud of you too Peej.’

'Time for ET to go home?’ Pj jokes.

'Well I always knew I was out of this world…’ She snarks. Pj snorts.

'Call me as often as you can. Let me know how it goes.’

'I will.’

'Make yourself eat. Go to a friends house if you have too.’

'I will.’

'Get your sleep. Work hard at school.’

'I will.

'Don’t-’

'Oh my god you are such a mum. I’m looking forward to the day you and Chris have children. You’re going to spend the whole time freaking the fuck out.’

'I’ve only been with Chris for a year.’

'Twenty quid that you marry him.’

'Huh?’

'You have to give me twenty pounds if you marry him. I’m placing a bet on it.’

'I’ll accept.’ Pj says, rolling his eyes. His sister wraps her arms around him one last time.

'I’ll be okay. You’ll be okay. We’ll talk soon.’ Pj kisses her forehead.

'We’ll be fine. Love you.’

'Love you too.’ She turns, walking to the door of her home. Pj climbs back into the driver seat of his car. They wave at each other. Pj begins to drive back to his home, she goes through the door.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

It’s Christmas eve. Pj can’t go home. Whilst his parents are apparently being better, they still haven’t spoken to him. Poppy came to London for a Christmas with Pj at the beginning of the holidays. Their parents insisting she spends the actual day there. Even though they all know it’s going to be miserable. Poppy just hopes it’ll give them the incentive to get back in touch with their son. That they’ll start to understand. Because this is just ignorance. They don’t even call him names anymore, they just act like a part of them is missing.

Poppy told Pj all of this on her visit. Along with how stupid she finds it, seeing as they could make themselves feel better.

She’d had fun though. They’d done all the normal stuff, to the best of their ability. Including falling asleep on the sofa at the end of the day. Chris had found them. He’d covered them with a blanket and taken pictures for his scrapbook.

Pj always misses his little sister. He misses the relationship he used to have with his parents. But he treasures the one he has with Chris. He’s glad for his friends. The new ones he’s made. His friendships are golden. His job is brilliant, the kids he’s teaching are bright. Some of them difficult, but they all deserve attention and to be helped. Pj is happy to help them. He’s so lucky. He’s happier than he’s ever been.

Pj realizes this, looking across at Chris. He’s wearing a striped Christmas jumper. He’s illuminated by soft light from the Christmas tree and in deep conversation with Tyler. Dan and Phil are laughing from the other side of the room. Sophie and Jamie covering Louis in tinsel. Tyler makes a joke and Chris smiles. As always, Pj thinks it’s the most radiant thing in the room.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

'Dan asked me out.’ Phil says, collapsing onto the sofa next to Chris. Chris puts his bowl of cereal down. 'I said yes.’ Phil’s face is one of bliss. Chris smiles.

'A small part of me wants to argue with you and then go run in front of a car and see how you like it.’ Chris snarks. Phil frowns at him.

'Chris I-’

'I’m kidding Phil. I’m happy for you. Dan’s a nice guy. Plus I was starting to get pissed off at heart eyes Howell.’ The frown melts off of Phil’s face, smile returning. 'This does mean I’m going to have to threaten him.’

'Chris, you don’t have to.’

'I’m pretty sure I do. Isn’t there like a brothers code? Plus I can’t have any old prick defiling you’ Chris says, Phil punches him lightly in the arm.

'Says the one who was defiled by his English teacher.’ Chris laughs.

'I was defiled by people before him. And also are we pulling out the big guns now?’

Phil buries his face into the sofa cushion. He mumbles 'No.’

'Good, because I’d so win that fight.’

'No, you wouldn’t’ Phil carries on speaking into the sofa.

'Yeah I would.’ Chris reaches over and ruffles Phil’s hair. 'And for the record, I mostly defile him.’

Phil sits up.

'Excuse me whilst I go throw up.’

'And I’ve been defiling him ever since.’

'Stop that.’ Phil replies, pretending to gag.

'Make me.’

The brothers have a small stand off. Chris losing as he breaks down into laughter.

'Well that didn’t take long.’ Phil snarks, Chris grins at him.

'Shut up. You love me as much as you love Danny boy.’

'Chris…’ Phil whines.

'Fine.’ Chris stands up from the sofa. 'You want a drink?’

'Can I have a cup of tea?’ Phil begins to take off his shoes, resting his legs on the sofa.

'Anything for you sire.’ Chris bows as he leaves the room. Phil chuckles lightly at him. His whole soul feeling light.

Chris returns from the kitchen several minutes later. He moves Phil’s legs up, sits down, and puts his legs on top of his lap. He hands him his mug on the way.

'I really am happy for you Phil. I’m glad this worked out for you. You deserve happiness.’

'Thanks Chris.’

'If he hurts you, I’m going to cut his testicles off.’

'I’d assumed no less.’ The brothers smile at each other. 'Chris?’

'Yeah?’

'You do know I approve of Peej right?’ Chris snorts.

'I’d hope so. He’s been my boyfriend for over a year.’

'No, I really mean it. You both balance each other out. There’s times that I watch the both of you and you are just everything I’ve ever wanted in love. You can calm him down when he gets the way he does. And he can reach you when you bury yourself-’

'What does _that_ mean?’

'I mean like when it’s an anniversary or you’re having a bad day, and you just cut yourself off. Bury yourself in your own mind.’ Phil looks into his brothers eyes. 'I couldn’t ever do that, and he can. I’m guessing he could straight from the start.’

'He could.’ Chris answers quietly.

'Remember to value that. You’re better when you’re together. You’ve both been through a lot. Maybe you more so than him-’

'Phil. Why are you telling me this?’ Chris interrupts.

Phil smiles. 'Because me finding out about the two of you got messy. You still have the extra scar on your leg to prove it.’ Phil’s eyes flick to where the mark is located, his gaze returns to lock with Chris’s. 'We nearly lost you. I didn’t approve of it at first. I didn’t know what to think. But I got to know him. I got to know the actual Pj that I’m friends with today. The one that you fell in love with. There was just never a point that I told you this, and I should have. Treasure what the two of you have. Hold on to it.’

'I’m never going to let it go. Thank you Phil.’

'You’re welcome Chris.’

'I’m still going to cut Dan’s balls off if I have to.’

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Chris puts his spare set of keys on the side as he walks into Pj’s apartment. Pj is cooking at the stove. He walks up to him and puts his arms around his back. Pj jumps slightly but relaxes into the gesture.

'Hey Gorgeous.’

'Hey Sweetheart.’ They kiss. Chris breaking away, walking away and sitting on a kitchen counter.

'So guess what happened today.’

'What?’

'Guess what Dan did.’ Pj stops, turning to Chris. 

'Did he finally do it?’ Pj asks. Chris nods enthusiastically. 'Oh thank fuck for that.’ Chris laughs.

'Phil’s fucking over the moon. It’s adorable.’

'Aw.’

'We had a heart to heart. I genuinely thought at one point he was going to braid my hair. Maybe we would give each other mani-pedis.’

'In other words he said some nice things and you didn’t know how to deal with it.’

'Oi, snarky bitch.’ Pj laughs.

'What colour nail polish would you have gone for?’

'Either purple to match my eyes or green to match yours.’

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

'Peej, Do you think we should move in together?’ Pj is slightly shocked at the words. 'I mean, I’m only at university for a few more months. I know that Phil wants to carry on with just youtube. I think he wants to move in with Dan.’ Chris looks at the ground. 'I didn’t mean right now. I just don’t want to live alone. Never mind.’

Pj reaches out, placing a hand on Chris’s jaw.

'Of course. You practically live with me anyway.’

Chris honestly surprises himself. It’s been nearly two years. Their kisses still light him on fire just like they did at the beginning.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Chris graduates two weeks before Phil. His friends send him congratulatory messages. He spends the whole day in different arms and embraces. His mother’s as she cries over him, his dad’s as he does too. Phil’s. Pj’s. Dan’s. Louise’s, she’d come home to see him and Phil. Zoe’s, she’d come with her. Luke and Emma turn up. Bertie, Dean and Jack. Alfie, Caspar and Joe. Chris had kept in contact with all of them. Each one of them having changed and grown over the years Chris has known them. It’s a reminder of how far he’s come. Seeing all these old familiar faces. The classmates he’s become friends with also take up his day. His acting allies as they used to call themselves.

He’s exhausted when he gets up to actually get the piece of paper he’s worked hard for.

He’s even more exhausted when he climbs out of Pj’s lap that night. Falling quickly into a blissful sleep after some murmured declarations of love and pride. The smile doesn’t come off of Chris’s face all day.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

'My mum called me today.’ Pj says quietly.

Chris is shocked. Laying next to Pj in their shared bed. The lights are off.

'And?’

'And it was weird. It’s nearly been a year since we talked last.’

'Are you okay?’ Pj frowns.

'I’m not really sure. I brought up that you’d moved in and that you were my boyfriend of over two years.’ Chris looks down at Pj’s bare chest. 'She asked what you were like.’ Chris eyes widen.

'You mean she didn’t hang up?’

'Or skip around it. She directly asked about you. I told her you were funny and smart and beautiful. She told me it sounded like I was very lucky. Then she told me she missed me and said goodbye.’

'Do you think anything will come of it?’

'I don’t know.’

'Do you want anything to come of it?’

‘I don’t really mind. I have my own family. But it would be nice to have them back. I’m conflicted.’ Chris nods. He moves forward, kissing him once.

'You’ll be fine. Whatever happens, happens.’ Chris kisses him again. 'Go to sleep.’ Pj laughs. Moving forward to dig his face into Chris’s chest.

'Goodnight.’ Chris smiles and wraps his arms around Pj.

'Goodnight.’

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Chris and Pj release a video on the first of May. Exactly two years and six months after they began dating.

It’s called 'Our Story’ and they put it out on Chris’s main channel.

They don’t tell the full truth. But they do mention they met in school. How Pj is older, and that he was teaching. They say explicitly that nothing ever happened whilst Chris was school. Even though it did. They talk about falling in love, how long they’ve been dating. What they had to overcome. Of course the car crash was a pretty big one but they don’t talk about that. 

The fans love it. Congratulating the both of them. Most of them are respectful just like they asked, some are not.

Chris and Pj couldn’t care less. They have each other, their friends, some family, it’s all they need.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Chris remembers to take his camera. Chris, Pj, Phil, Dan, Tyler and anyone else they could drag along have decided to go swimming. The nearby lake is empty except for them. There’s twenty people present. Louise and Zoe are first in the water.

Chris takes a picture of the two of them flinging water at each other. He also manages to capture Luke pushing Emma in. As well as Emma pulling him in with her.

He’s been sitting in Tyler’s lap for the last five minutes. He’s showing him the pictures he’s already taken. He’d just turned around and taken a close up of Tyler laughing. The sunlight behind him results in an extremely good photograph. Tyler approves. Pj sits away, trying to make it look like he isn’t watching.

Tyler leans in and whispers.

'He’s getting jealous.’ Chris laughs and whispers back.

'I know. I’m trying to see how long he’ll last now.’ He’d originally sat there as a joke.

'Should I pretend that you said something dirty?’

'It’d be good. What sort of thing?’ Tyler smirks at him.

'BIG DADDY NO!’

'And that’s enough of that.’ Pj stands up. Moving over so he’s sat next to Tyler. He pulls Chris onto his lap whilst Chris and Tyler laugh.

'Oh my god, you’re terrible Peej.’ Tyler exclaims. Pj kisses Chris’s neck.

'No I’m not.’ Pj wraps his arms around Chris. Mumbling into his shoulder.

'You kind of are, Gorgeous.’ Chris smiles down at him.

'I love you.’

'I love you too.’ Chris kisses him lightly on the mouth. 'You possessive freak.’ Pj glares at him, making Chris laugh even more.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Dan takes what has to be one of Chris’s all time favorite photos on his camera for him later in the day.

It’s of Chris, Phil and Pj. Just the three of them bathed in sun. Pj is resting his head on Chris’s shoulder, smiling in contentment. Phil is mid laugh at Dan. Chris has his arm around Pj and his other one around Phil’s shoulders. He’s smiling down at Pj.

He intends to frame it. It’s too good to just go into a scrapbook.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

They spend Christmas day that year at Chris and Phil’s parents house. Poppy is coming down for New Years.

Pj’s parents have only called him twice since he told them. Poppy thinks they may actually be coming around. Pj isn’t sure how he feels about it. But he wants them to accept him so it’s easier for Poppy.

Pj nearly cries when he finds out that Mr and Mrs Lester bought him presents as well. Claiming that he's part of the family.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

They go to the same beach they go to every year on the anniversary of the death of Chris’s mother. It’s overcast and slightly drizzly. 

Chris spends so much of the day laughing that there are points that he forgets why he’s there.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Chris comes home on Halloween utterly exhausted. He’s been on set all day for Bertie’s latest film. It’s great and he loves it but it takes a lot of effort.

He honestly just wants to get home, celebrate four years of dating Pj and get some rest.

He doesn’t expect to find Dan and Phil waiting at the door of his apartment.

'Not that it’s not great to see you and everything, but what are you guys doing here?’

'Helping out.’ Dan smirks at Phil. 'Phil wanted to see you.’

Phil walks up to Chris and puts his arms around him. Pulling him in for a tight hug.

'I love you Chris.’ Phil says.

'I love you too Phil. What’s going on?’ Phil breaks the embrace.

'You’ll find out soon.’

'Okay? Are we still collaborating on Tuesday?’ Chris asks. Phil laughs, a little bit too hard.

'Yes we definitely are.’

'Good, because I need to pay rent soon.’

'Phil, I think we’ve held up Chris long enough.’ Phil nods, Chris realizes that his eyes are wet.

'Yeah we have. Call me later okay?’ Phil pulls him in for another tight hug.

'Sure.’ Chris replies, confusion overtaking him.

Phil tells him he loves him twice more before Dan has to physically tear him away. He swears at one point Phil nearly starts crying.

Not knowing what the fuck is going on, Chris opens the door to his flat.

'You home Peej?’ He calls out. Keys clinking together as he puts them on the side after locking the door behind him.

'I’m in the bedroom.’ Pj calls out, voice weak. Chris’s confusion intensifies.

'Are you in the bedroom or are you  _in the bedroom_?’ Chris jokes.

Pj laughs, it almost sounds nervous.

'Seriously, are you like twelve Chris?’

'Thirteen and three quarters if you must know.’ Pj laughs.

'I’m just in the bedroom.’ Chris begins to walk towards the room.

He finds three roses on the ground. All of them white. They are tied up with a single green ribbon.

'Seriously? Roses Peej, that’s cliche as fuck.’ Chris picks them up regardless and continues to walk towards the bedroom.

'Phil insisted.’

Chris laughs. 'Of course he did.’

Chris pushes the door to the bedroom open. The recently installed lock catching his eye as he does so.

Pj is standing a few steps in front of him. Chris takes a step into the room.

It’s illuminated by three candles. Pj is wearing a grey blazer. He has a rose between his teeth. Which he promptly removes and throws on the bed.

'Your brother told me to do that too. Said he’d give me money.’ Chris laughs.

'That’s typical.’ Pj opens his mouth to speak, unable to form words, he nervously laughs. 

Chris waits for Pj to talk. Pj opens and shuts his mouth. Finally, he laughs.

'I honestly had a plan of what I’d say but it’s completely gone out of the fucking window. The monsters have it now. It’s screaming for help-’

'What’s going on Peej?’ Chris interrupts.

'Right.’ Pj looks up and down Chris’s body. Finally, he looks into Chris’s eyes. 'I love you-’

'And I’d hope so too.’ Pj laughs.

'I love you so much it hurts. You’re funny, you’re smart. You’re so damn beautiful that sometimes I just want to lock you away and keep you to myself-’

'That’s weird Peej.’

'I never said I was going to do it.’ Both of them laugh. 'I honestly want to spend my life with you. You make everything better. You’re my best friend. You make me better. We have the kind of love that people search their whole lives for and never find. You’re so amazing-’

'I believe that would be Phil.’

'Chris, I’m trying to be adorable.’

'Sorry.’

They both laugh again.

Silence.

'Marry me.’

'What?’

'Marry me.’

'Aren’t you supposed to be on one knee?’

Pj falls to the ground and pulls a box out of his blazer pocket. He opens it, showing Chris the silver ring inside.

'Will you, Christopher James Kendall, marry me?’

Chris smiles down at him.

'Yes. Of course I will.’

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Chris calls Phil the next day. Phil cries. He laughs. 

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Chris can’t stop shaking. He honestly doesn’t know why he’s so nervous.

He loves Pj, and Pj loves him. He knows it. Which doesn’t stop him from imagining this whole thing going wrong.

He’s been pacing the room for about ten minutes when Phil speaks up.

'You okay Chris?’ Chris turns to face him.

'I’m bricking it Phil.’ Phil laughs at him. His brother takes his hand and drags him to the two elegant chairs.

'Calm down-’

'Easier said than done Philly.’

'I know. Breathe with me.’

Phil puts his hands on Chris’s forearms. Exaggerating his timed breaths so that Chris can copy them.

Chris’s breathing becomes more natural.

'Thanks Phil.’

'Are you just nervous about the wedding or is it more than that?’

'Just the wedding.’

'Don’t be. It’ll either go to plan or go horrifically wrong and be hilarious.’ Chris rolls his eyes.

'Always a comfort Phil.’ The brothers laugh. Chris still shaking slightly.

'Chris, I’m going to be next to you for the whole thing. And you know what happens at the end of it.’ 

Chris’s face lights up.

'I get to marry Pj.’

Phil smiles at him.

'You get to marry Pj’

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

'Peej for fuck sake, get your shit together. You’re marrying the love of your life. You know your vows off by heart. and everything’s going to be fucking beautiful. I’m going to cry, you’re going to cry. Phil will almost definitely cry, that’s not even bullshittery. I’ll be more surprised if that doesn’t happen. Calm your tits.’

Pj roll his eyes.

'Thanks Poppy.’

'Also, don’t think I forgot about that bet.’

'Shit.’

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

'It’s time Chris.’ Phil walks back into the room. Smiling at him.

Chris stands up and walks over to his brother.

'Do I look okay?’ Chris says, holding his arms out to either side. He’s wearing a simple black suit. His mothers necklace placed in it’s only pocket.

His tie is slightly too tight.

Phil reaches out, undoing it. He reties it. Pressing the knot slightly when he’s finished.

Chris chokes up, the amount of times this has happened in the reverse.  The one time Chris needed someone to do it for him and he was there. Chris nearly breaks down into tears because he loves his brother so damn much.

'He’ll love it.’ Phil states, Chris meets his gaze.  Both of them have wet eyes. Chris throws his arms around his brother. Holding him close. He breaks away. 'Let’s go get you hitched.’ Phil smiles at him, holding out his arm so that Chris can link his through it. Phil’s just glad he gets to give him away. Chris having decided that was what he wanted. Making it easier for Pj to be given away by his little sister.

'I love you Phil.’

'I love you too Chris.’ The two begin to walk, arm in arm, to their destination.

'Your best man speech better be good.’ Chris whispers. Phil wipes a tear from his eye.

'I got some help with it.’ Chris and Phil come to a standstill to the door to the hall. The hall Chris and Pj will be getting married in.

'Who from?’ They can hear conversation inside. Chris carries on talking to calm himself.

'Dan, Zoe, Poppy and Peej.’ Chris chuckles.

'I thought this was Pj’s wedding too?’

'Well yeah but I’m not Pj’s best man.’ Phil responds. 'They all thought it was great. Poppy actually cried.’

'Poppy?’ Chris doesn’t have to fake shock.

'Yes, though I think part of it was that she didn’t know about your childhood.’

'You wrote that into it?’

Phil turns to look into his brothers eyes.

'It was when we met Chris. It only has a line or two, it’s not detailed. She just didn’t know.’ Chris nods. Not really having the energy to worry about that too.

The music starts.

'Holy crap.’ Chris mutters under his breath. Phil laughs.

'Your mum would be proud of you Chris. So proud.’ Chris looks at him wide eyed. 'I’m proud of you too little brother.' 

Chris swallows.

'Thank you, big brother. Thanks you so much’

Phil opens the door.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Pj arm is linked with his sisters. She’s making sarcastic comments, he’s resisting the urge to laugh and failing.

He has to physically stop himself from running into Chris’s arms. Poppy holds him still, both of them walking to the alter in the middle of the hall. Chris also walks to the center.

Poppy was right that about Phil crying. He has tears running down his cheeks accompanied by a smile.

Pj thinks it’s fair enough, Phil has been there through most of this with them. Chris hugs him, whispering something into his ear before they separate. Phil going to stand with the Chris’s other groomsmen, Luke and Bertie. Chris also has Zoe, Emma and Louise as bridesmaids. The bond he’d formed with all of these friends in school, proved to be unbreakable.

Poppy kisses his cheek. He hands her a twenty pound note and she snorts with laughter. Beginning to cry. She throws her arms around her brother and walks to her spot. Standing next to Sophie. Jamie, Louis, Tyler and Dan stand next to them. Tyler looks close to tears, Dan has his arm around his shoulders.

Then Pj looks into Chris’s eyes and he’s home.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

'I vow to you, Pj Liguori, to take care of you, in sickness and in health. To support you, and allow myself to be supported.  To be with you in times of happiness and times of sadness. I promise to go through life laughing with you and learning with you. I will never let anything tear us apart again.’

He looks into his soon to be husband’s green eyes. The ones he loves so intensely.

'You are so smart, so funny, so special. You are so beautiful to me, to everyone and everything, that it hurts sometimes.’ Chris laughs, Pj joining him. 'My favorite thing about my life is that you are the first person I see when I wake up and the last person I see before I fall asleep. I love you. I vow to love you, always.’

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

'I vow to you Christopher Kendall, to defend you. To fight with you when it gets hard. To care for you, to heal with you. I vow to live my life with you, for you.’  Chris smiles at him. 'I met you nearly five years ago. At the time, you were eighteen and I was twenty three. I was drawn to you immediately. Our souls are so similar. You were as wise then as you are now. You always make me laugh, you always have done.’ Pj swallows. 'I love you, I vow to make you laugh for the rest of our lives.’

'You win.’

'I know.’

The both of them laugh, starting Pj’s vows right there and then.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Phil stands up to make himself heard. The room is silent for him.

'Hi guys, I’m Phil, Chris’s best man and brother. I’d like to thank you all for coming today. Especially those of you that knew I would be delivering a speech. Yet still decided to turn up.’

A light chuckle goes around the room. The wedding guests are split up into tables. The grooms, and their bridesmaids and groomsmen, sit slightly elevated. The room having been designed for wedding receptions.

'Hilarious Phil.’ Chris smirks up at him. Chris has his hand in Pj’s. Phil has to look down to his right to glare at him. He looks back up and addresses his audience, speaking into the microphone.

'I would like to point out that the groom is heckling me on his wedding day. This is what I’ve had to put up with for nearly twenty years.’

'You love it.’ Chris smiles up at him. Phil can’t help but smile back. He speaks into the microphone without looking away.

'Stop interrupting me.’

'Sorry.’ Both of them laugh, Phil turning back to the room. He clears his throat.

'I’m not sure if Chris remembers the day we met as clearly as I do. We were children. We were both five years old. It was a sunny day and mum took me to the park. Just because I was bored.’ Phil can’t help but turn around and talk to Chris. 'That day I got lost. Chris found me and I’ve never been lost since.’ Phil’s eyes begin to dampen. 'I had a brilliant childhood with brilliant parents that loved me. Chris didn’t have that, for a while. Eventually he wasn’t just my best friend, but my brother too.’

'I told myself I wasn’t going to cry!’ Poppy almost shouts from the other side of Pj. Loudly breaking down into tears.

Chris and Phil laugh softly. Pj puts his arm around her.

'Chris’s birth parents passed away. His father was not a nice man. On the day he died. I was with Chris.  I highly doubt he remembers this but when I started to write this, it was all I could remember. My parents, our parents, were calling the police. They left you with me. They were gone for five minutes at the most.’ Chris looks confused. 'You were crying, I don’t think I’d ever seen you cry before. I pulled you into my arms, and we fell to the floor. I didn’t know what to say. So I said exactly this, _it’s okay Chris, it’s over now_.’ Phil laughs nervously. 'You turned around, and looked me dead in the eye. And you said this, _I’m alone. Nobody wants me. Everyone is gone and it’s my fault._  And you tried to get out of my arms, but I wouldn’t let you.’

'I remember now.’

'I knew you would.’ The brothers smile at each other. 'When they took you away, Mum and Dad took me home. They made me have a bath, to get the blood you’d put on me, off me. I went downstairs afterwards, and I told them exactly what you’d said.’ Phil smiles at Chris. 'When I got mum to look at this for me, she told me that it was me telling them that which convinced them. To adopt you. Though they had been discussing the idea when I walked in.’

'Of course.’

'I’m so proud of you Chris. Back then, you thought you were alone. Now you have a room, full to the brim with people that love you. You’re married to a man who loves you entirely. He probably loves you more than I love you.’

'I think we love him equally Phil.’ Pj fills in.

'You thought no one wanted you. And here you are now. I’m your brother, you’re my best friend. You have thousands of brilliant memories to outweigh the bad ones. And on top of that, you have Pj. Pj with whom you have a beautiful love story and amazing life.’ Phil addresses the audience. 'So here’s my preposition-’ He picks up his glass. 'I say we drink to them.’ He points to the couple beside him. 'Because I’ve never met two people more in love. I’ve never met two people more deserving of that love. And finally because, I love both of them, so much. I could drink a thousand times and it would never be a worthy celebration of them.’ He raises his glass. 'To Chris and Pj, two of the best people I’ve ever met.’

Phil smirks at his brother whilst he downs his drink.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

'Good day?’ Chris asks between kisses. He pulls Pj back onto the bed.

'Fucking brilliant.’ Chris’s laugh gets cut off by a pair of desperate lips.

He can’t stop smiling at his husband.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

They’d discussed it before. But neither of them were entirely convinced that it was something they wanted. That changed when they met Louise’s oldest daughter for the first time. She was put into Pj’s arms, he had to support her head. Pj thought back to the first time his mother ever let him hold Poppy. He looked up at Chris and they both knew.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Chris and Pj have to be investigated before they can add to their family. Chris wanted to adopt, he’d seen the way that kids get caught in the system when he’d been in it. He wanted to stop that from happening to a child. Even though the idea of a baby with Pj’s eyes would be beautiful. Pj was in agreement with him.

This is supposed to be their last meeting. The next one will be the first time they meet the child who will become theirs. They’ve been approved. Today will be discussing the children they could adopt.

The woman at the desk is tall with large dimples in her cheeks.

'Christopher and Pj Liguori?’ She asks as they walk towards her, hand in hand. Pj nods.

'Oh good. You’re early. I’m-’

'Hayley!’ A voice shouts from down the hall. A teenage girl with wild black curls and dark skin walks towards them. She carries a small pale girl with blond pigtails in her arms. The younger girl is crying into her shoulder. 'Holly fell, grazed her knee.’ The woman at the desk melts in a smile. 'She said that she had to come see her mummy.’ The older girl passes the younger into the woman’s arms.

The woman at the desk picks up the child, turning to Pj and Chris.

'Sorry Gentlemen. I’m Hayley and she’s my daughter.’ She gestures to the little girl in her arms.

'I’m not Hayley and she’s not my daughter.’ The older girl says.

Hayley turns to the girl.

'How did you find her?’

'It’s the holidays. I’m helping out in the Nursery because it’s that or do nothing. I’d rather fill my time with something than sit around and watch Friends reruns-’

'Alexis…’

’-Because isn’t that just a little bit  _sad_. What?’

'You do know there are two other people in the room?’

'I do. I’m ignoring them.’

Chris laughs. He interrupts. 'Why?’

Alexis doesn’t turn to face him. 'Because you’re not here for me. You’re here for a baby or two, a kid that won’t remember this. One that’s not fucked up.’

'Alexis!’ Hayley scolds.

'My name is Alex.’

Hayley sighs. 'There’s no need to be rude.’

'It doesn’t make it any less fun. It’s nothing they haven’t heard before.’

'I wasn’t talking about them.’ Hayley gestures towards the small child watching them both. Alex grimaces.

'Oh, sorry.’ Alex leans down, looking the smaller girl in the eye. 'Don’t be me. I’m bad.’

'It’s why we don’t give her money for sweeties’

'It’s why they don’t give me money for sweeties.’

Holly frowns. 'I like sweets’

'I know you do Baby Girl.’ Replies Hayley. 'So don’t say anything naughty.’

'Alex is nice. She should get sweets if she wants them.’

Hayley smiles at her daughter.

'We’ll bring her sweets tomorrow.’ Hayley says. Holly nods ferociously. 'Do you want to go back to play?’ Holly nods again. Alex reaches down to take her hand.

She takes a few steps away. Finally, she turns to face Chris.

Her bright green familiar eyes startle him.

'It was nice meeting you.’

Before Chris can think of anything to say, she’s walking away.

'Sorry about that. Can I-’

'What was her name?’ Chris interrupts. Pj looks at him in confusion. 'The one that wasn’t your daughter.’ Hayley smiles at him.

'Her name is Alexis Smith.’ She steps out from around the desk. 'Would you like to follow me?’ She begins to walk down the same hallway that Alexis walked down. Pj and Chris walk behind her. Pj leans over.

'What are you thinking?’ He whispers.

'I think you know what I’m thinking.’ Chris whispers back.

Pj squeezes his hand a little tighter.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Alexis is honestly a little pissed off that they’ve called her in. She was in the middle of her geography homework. She wants to get it over with so she can go on the laptop for a bit. It shouldn’t be too busy today. Jordan is going out to met her boyfriend and Eliza is still asleep. They are the only other two females over the age of twelve in this 'home’. They are the ones she has to share a room with and some technology with.

The other two get pissed off about it. But Alex always had to share a room anyway. She’d never even used a laptop before she got here.

She doesn’t see too much of Hayley. She’s in charge of adoption. So she works more with the little ones. The ones that still have a chance of getting out.

Yet Hayley is the one leading her to one of the two meeting rooms. She’s not been told what’s going on. Just that she’s needed. Alex just wants it to be interesting, she’s only got a few more days before she’s back at school. She’s bored out of her skull.

Hayley stops her outside one of the room.

'These two men want to meet you.’

'Why?’ Alex asks, suspicious. Hayley grins at her.

'Why don’t you ask them?’

Hayley opens the door, walking in.

Alex waits a second, and follows her.

She can’t help but smile at the two nervous men sitting at the table.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Alexis has been Chris and Pj’s daughter for a year. She fits in with them. The understanding she has with Chris honestly blows Pj away sometimes. Both of them talk about the horrific things they’ve seen easily. Like they’re talking about a bad movie or the days events. Chris finds it hard to talk about what happened to him as a child. He always has. Alexis finds it hard to talk about the accident which killed her mother and brother. About the father she’s never met. The step father which hit her mother, so they had to run. They don't struggle with each other.

Chris and Pj have taught her to value herself.

The first few days of her living with them. She acted like a guest.

Pj had been at work, he’d come home to what he thought was an empty house. He’d gone to the art room. Where he draws and makes things for his videos.

He’d found her covered in paint, drawing her mother’s gold ring. She’d jumped out of her skin when he’d coughed. Quickly apologizing. He’d quelled her worries. Analyzing her work. They’d spent the rest of the day among the colours. Both of them laughing. Sketching each other.

Chris had come home exhausted a few hours later. He’d sat in the room and insisted they both drew him. They all laughed when Alex showed him an in depth pencil sketch and Pj drew a stick figure.

It’d been easier from then on.

She helped out with chores. Made the two of them laugh. Introduced her friends to them. One of them being subscriber and screaming a bit. Art became Alex and Pj’s thing. Humor became her’s and Chris’s. 

Pj and Alex always watch Chris’s show together. He’d been picked up to host a panel show. Due to his internet stardom. The show is called 'I Can’t Even’ the regulars are Chris, Dan, and Phil.  The other guests change. Two are always internet stars. The others are just famous.

The show is successful. The critics claiming that Phil’s innocence makes it fresh. Chris’s 'no bullshit’ attitude and quick wit makes it constantly entertaining. As well as Dan’s socially awkwardness makes it relatable. The three together are a strange dynamic which works incredibly well.

The most watched episode is the one episode Pj appeared in as one of the internet guests. Chris had spent most of the time shouting about how much nepotism there was. Giving Pj extra points for being cute. The internet loved it. So had Alex.

They decide to adopt again when Pj meets his nephew. Poppy has named him Declan. He has bright blue magic eyes.

Poppy has been with her girlfriend, Alice, for years. Pj’s parents hadn’t approved. Poppy and Pj make the effort to be each others family. The boy gets placed into Alexis’s arms, Poppy and Pj hovering nearby to help her.

'Did you two ever consider adopting a baby?’ Alice asks, her blue eyes curious, smiling but tired.

'We originally were going to. But we met Alexis and she felt like ours.’ Alice nods. Walking over to her son, huddling with the other three.

Chris and Pj discuss it that night. They discuss it with Alexis the next morning. Alexis having had a younger brother, is all for it.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 

Chris and Pj bring the twins home six months later. Nathan and Ellie Liguori joining Pj, Chris, and Alexis Liguori. They are six months old. Nathan has dark brown eyes, Ellie is slightly larger with blue ones. Chris finds them both beautiful. Nothing feeling better than their tiny fingers wrapped around one of his own.

Phil insists that the babies come to his wedding. Chris carries Nathan around for the day, Pj carries Ellie. Alexis helps the both of them, even when they insist she doesn’t have too. Tell her to go have fun with the other fourteen year olds. She refuses. The babies spend most of the day receiving hugs from Chris’s friends. Making sense that he’d know most of the people at Phil’s wedding. Dan cries at Chris’s speech.  Chris makes Phil dance to 'Hips Don’t Lie’ with him after. Phil cries with laughter.

Pj and Alexis leave early to take the babies home. Hugs and embraces, kisses from grandparents, and they’re gone. 

An hour or two later, Chris goes home too.

He thinks as he drives. The streets are empty. Orange lights reflecting off of black roads.

He thinks back to his childhood. Not the bad parts. The good bits. Swimming in rivers with Phil. Melted ice lollies. Christmas. Playing tag and looking at bugs under a looking glass. Reading under torchlight and pretending to sword fight.

He remembers his first ever play. How he’d been all alone in the spot light with hundreds of people watching. He remembers how much he’d loved it. The lights lining the roads remind him of the spot lights. They remind him of lighting in the theater and on set for his own TV show. 

He turns left.

He remembers his teenage years. Detention after detention. His first kiss. His first crush. Acting remaining as constant as Phil.

He thinks back to the first day of year twelve. The entire year group had changed. Everyone looked nervous, scared. Chris had entered his first lesson on Phil’s back. Screaming some shit about going onward 'my stallion’. The majority of the people looked freaked out. However one couple near the back laughed at them hysterically.

That’s how he met Luke and Emma. Who he saw only half an hour ago. After all these years.

He remembers having an English lesson at the end of the day.

As Chris and Phil walked to the back of the room, Chris had turned to his brother. He’d shouted.

'Hey Phil! Didn’t I always say that nice guys English last?’

A blonde girl in a nearby seat snorted loudly. Louise. The seat next to her contained Zoe.

It begins to rain. He’s only five minutes from home.

They’d been history ever since. Louise having actually appeared on his show a few weeks ago.

The year passed. He has many fond memories. Then there was the summer, eating strawberries and singing loudly.

Then there was that month of year Thirteen before he arrived.

_‘I would say I’m sorry I’m late Mr Harris but in the name of honesty, I’m not really that sorry’  
_

_'Lucky I’m not Mr Harris then. I take it you’re Christopher Kendall’_

It seems strange to him, that with those words, he met his soulmate.

Chris thinks back to the easy conversation they’d had. The careful laughter.

They’d been so so careful at the beginning. It makes him laugh to think about it. Because neither of them are delicate. Yet to begin with, they’d treated their love like it was fragile. Cupping it, like it was water in their hands. Now they’re both covered in it. Bright flashes of color.

Their first kiss, both of them not knowing how to feel. Pj’s guilt. Chris knows that sometimes he feels guilty about it now. All these years later.

Chris tries to comfort him but he’s so damn stubborn, and such a damn worrier. Chris loves that about him, he loves all of him.

Going to that Halloween party. Kissing him again. Hooking up. The laughter. All of it felt as good then as it feels now. If anything, now feels better.

Chris pulls up to the house. Two lights are on. Chris steps out of the car, jogging slightly to the car. Trying to get out of the warm rain. He locks the car and enters the house. Locking the front door after him. He takes off his shoes.

He remembers Pj asking him if they were boyfriends in Tyler’s bathroom. He laughs thinking about it because that’s typical.

He walks up the stairs. He knocks the door to Alexis’s room first. Not hearing a response, he opens the door quietly.

She’s laying under the covers of her bed, fast asleep. The purple necklace that belonged to Chris's mother rests on her chest. It belongs to her now.

Chris smiles down at her. He walks to the window and opens it slightly, pulling down the blinds. Returning to the door, he looks down at his oldest daughter. He pushes one of her curls behind her ear and kisses her on the forehead. He switches the main light off, stepping out of the room. She moves.

'Night Dad.’ Chris’s heart lifts, flipping over the way it always does when she calls him dad. He still isn’t used to it.

'Goodnight Angel, I love you.’ He begins to close the door. Before he can, she whispers in response.

'I love you too.’ The door shuts and Chris smiles. Remembering the first time she said that to him. It was the anniversary of her mother’s death. He’d walked downstairs, nightmares having woken him up, and found her sitting on the sofa. In complete darkness. She’d been crying silently. Chris moved instinctively, sitting next to her and holding her. She’d spilled out every single insecurity. She’d told him that and how much it scared her. Because she didn’t want them to get taken away from her too.

Chris doesn’t believe in empty promises. He told her that as long as he could, he would love her back. She’d be his daughter as long as she wanted to be or as long as she could be. It was also the first time she’d called either Chris or Pj 'Dad’. He’d melted when he first heard it. Barely a whisper among the tears. He’d stayed up watching movies with her afterwards. Pj had found them sprawled on the sofa,asleep, the next morning.

He walks to the twin’s room. They will have their own rooms in a few months but while they still need this much attention at night. It makes sense to keep them together.

Nathan is sleeping. Ellie looks up at him. He reaches down and picks her up. Kissing the top of her head.

'Hey sweetheart. Can’t sleep?’ He talks to his daughter. He rocks her sightly. Singing under his breath. She shuts her eyes on his shoulder. He places her back into her cot. He walks over to his sons cot, watching the slight rise and fall of his chest. He kisses the tips of two of his fingers and taps them lightly against his forehead. 'I love you.’ He whispers to the sleeping child. He walks back over the his daughter. She’s asleep now. 'I love you too.’ He whispers also. He takes the steps necessary and walks out of the nursery.

He thinks about everything.

How Dan’s face glowed today when he first saw Phil on the aisle. How Phil’s did the same. How Pj looks when he holds one of the twins. How Alexis looked in the gold bridesmaid dress that Dan bought her.

He thinks about everyone he loves. Alexis, Ellie and Nathan. Dan, Phil and Pj. His parents. His birth mother and grandfather. His friends.

He remembers the scared child he once was. Looking at his dad’s bloody corpse. For  _so_  long, he was  _so_  angry.

He opens the his bedroom door. He can see Pj laying curled in the covers of bed. Pj. The love of his life.

The sappy optimist who was filled with so much self hatred growing up. Chris fears it might never truly go away. Stubborn, imaginative, funny, beautiful, Pj.

He turns slightly away from him, putting his hand on the lock of the door.

Chris remembers when he was hit by that car. All that time ago. How hard he fought to get back here. To the people he loves. He remembers waking up. How he’d valued everything so much more. How he’d never stopped valuing things.

He thinks about everyone that’s come into his life since then. His children. New friends. New family.

Every single bad thing that has been outweighed by the beautiful good in Chris’s life.

'Come to bed Sweetheart.’ Pj calls out from the bed sheets.

Chris lowers his hand from the door.

He leaves it unlocked. 

He turns around and smiles at Pj.

'Sure thing Gorgeous.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading. I want to also thank any and all of my friends that I pestered whilst writing this. Thanks for the support xx Please leave a comment (or constructive critism). I put a lot of time into writing this and feedback would be loved. Also if you have any questions, about the plot or anything, I'll answer them. xx


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